Shannon's Journal

[Shannon]

I am about half way through Stage 1 of SM2011, and I have noticed a few things. First, my sex drive has gone sky high. Not surprising, as it was already high and the SM is designed to increase it. It's gotten to the point of ridiculous, though. Interestingly, my self control around women has remained unaffected, even when I have been around women in situations that could very easily have been made to lead to sex. If I know she does not want to have sex, I can put it aside and leave things as what they are. However, that leads me to point #2.

I am now attracting a lot of attention and interest from women lately. A lot. To the point of they are starting to act like sharks circling prey. I have to wonder what's going on, and then I remember... oh, wait. This is just SM2011 doing it's thing.

It's definitely working. My aura is now filled with sexual energy and it feels as if it is an immolation of lust sometimes. Release does not necessarily quell the fires of passion, either.

This immolation of lust may be what's getting the attention. I am beginning to see certain women become very interested, and very reluctant to have me leave their presence. Possessive, too, even when we are only friends.

[Shannon]

Secretly, I figured out how to fix my laptop and have been working on the Alpha Female Set. Stages 1 and 2 have been completed, but it's slow going because this thing is even more complex than Sex Magnet was. I have had, on a couple occasions so far, to sit down and contemplate/figure out how to build the second stage because it's been simply beyond the normal capacity of my build environment. So I'm building AF2011 in small chunks and assembling them into the whole stage. Most, if not all, of the stages will be 80 minutes at least.The script is just too long to make them shorter. This is a HUGE project.

[mat422]

Are you applying standards to yourself and expectations which are too high to be reasonable out of some deeply held fear?

I think you hit the nail on the head. I'm definitely going to think about this for a while. Right off the bat I'm pretty sure I have a fear of being inadequate. Growing up as a kid with social anxiety made me feel like less of a person and "broken". I'm guessing the guilt is tied to my belief that something is wrong with me. The guilt I feel from using the subliminals is just negative programming playing in my head that I'm flawed because I have to use them. I think the worst part is that I hold myself accountable for the problems I faced as a kid and presently. Which also causes deep shame when I talk about it because I feel selfish and like my problems aren't even that significant. That alone I think is a problem, I am holding onto my past as my identity and it keeps manifesting itself into my life. No matter how much I improve I still feel that negativity inside that prevents me from expressing myself how I want to.

I'm still not sure though, I've pondered this over long sessions of thought. If I really do fear rejection or if I fear the idea of rejection. I used to read self help books when I was younger about confidence, and how confidence was the answer to everything. I've come to understand confidence is only one aspect, there is a lot more going on in the subconscious mind. I feel like I'm stuck in a feedback loop, it's this thing inside of me that I know is there, but I really have trouble identifying what it is or understanding it. All I know is that I hold onto things for a while consciously and I get stuck like a broken record playing it back over and over again. With that kind of behavior I would think a lot of things have been stored in my memory and I haven't forgiven or let go of them yet.

I also discover I project my own feelings onto others. This is most noticeable with strangers. I think every person seems to hate me and sometimes I have paranoid thoughts about my family and my friends. I know this is irrational behavior and I can identify how wrong it is, but I still feel it emotionally and it tears me up inside at times.

That being said removing this baggage is my primary goal now. I was thinking of using either forgive yourself and move on or disconnect from the negativity within. Forgive yourself and move on deals with regret, which I believe I've accumulated a lot of. Primarily because of the problems I had which led me to not live life to the fullest and then think negatively of myself. I believe my problems were out of my control, although it seems a little irresponsible to say that, at the time I really was powerless and confused as to why I behaved in that manner. I could only cope, I never was able to overcome anything and for that I was always deeply ashamed of myself and angry for not being stronger. [/b]

[RainbowAbyss]

Shannon your self control is admirable, in doing sex magnet are you consciously interested and/or willing to have more casual sex, or are you intending to still hold out until relationship material. It seems to me that there are some very healthy amazing women out their who are interested in getting laid as well.
Also immolation of lust is beautifully said lol burned alive by desire as the sacrifice to the feminine

[Shannon]

Shannon your self control is admirable, in doing sex magnet are you consciously interested and/or willing to have more casual sex, or are you intending to still hold out until relationship material. It seems to me that there are some very healthy amazing women out their who are interested in getting laid as well.
Also immolation of lust is beautifully said lol burned alive by desire as the sacrifice to the feminine

I believe we have a bit of a communication issue here. Immolation of lust is when you are so filled with sexual energy (orgone) that it erupts out of you and begins burning off in your aura, so to speak. I am no sacrifice to anyone, and that was not the intent of the program.

I am doing Sex Magnet because I want to understand it from the first person point of view more than anything, as a way of knowing better how to adjust it for the 2012 release. Would I mind being more sexually active? Not if the right women were available. I'm sure they're on the way, from what I feel this program doing to me and through me. But if it were not for my need to understand the program from the first person point of view so I can improve it properly, I would be doing a program much less interesting right now: house cleaning motivation.

[Shannon]

Are you applying standards to yourself and expectations which are too high to be reasonable out of some deeply held fear?

I think you hit the nail on the head. I'm definitely going to think about this for a while. Right off the bat I'm pretty sure I have a fear of being inadequate. Growing up as a kid with social anxiety made me feel like less of a person and "broken". I'm guessing the guilt is tied to my belief that something is wrong with me. The guilt I feel from using the subliminals is just negative programming playing in my head that I'm flawed because I have to use them. I think the worst part is that I hold myself accountable for the problems I faced as a kid and presently. Which also causes deep shame when I talk about it because I feel selfish and like my problems aren't even that significant. That alone I think is a problem, I am holding onto my past as my identity and it keeps manifesting itself into my life. No matter how much I improve I still feel that negativity inside that prevents me from expressing myself how I want to.

I'm still not sure though, I've pondered this over long sessions of thought. If I really do fear rejection or if I fear the idea of rejection. I used to read self help books when I was younger about confidence, and how confidence was the answer to everything. I've come to understand confidence is only one aspect, there is a lot more going on in the subconscious mind. I feel like I'm stuck in a feedback loop, it's this thing inside of me that I know is there, but I really have trouble identifying what it is or understanding it. All I know is that I hold onto things for a while consciously and I get stuck like a broken record playing it back over and over again. With that kind of behavior I would think a lot of things have been stored in my memory and I haven't forgiven or let go of them yet.

I also discover I project my own feelings onto others. This is most noticeable with strangers. I think every person seems to hate me and sometimes I have paranoid thoughts about my family and my friends. I know this is irrational behavior and I can identify how wrong it is, but I still feel it emotionally and it tears me up inside at times.

That being said removing this baggage is my primary goal now. I was thinking of using either forgive yourself and move on or disconnect from the negativity within. Forgive yourself and move on deals with regret, which I believe I've accumulated a lot of. Primarily because of the problems I had which led me to not live life to the fullest and then think negatively of myself. I believe my problems were out of my control, although it seems a little irresponsible to say that, at the time I really was powerless and confused as to why I behaved in that manner. I could only cope, I never was able to overcome anything and for that I was always deeply ashamed of myself and angry for not being stronger. [/b]

I'd say those would be good choices. And after you use those and re-assess your positioning, we can take it from there. You may want to commission a custom. When I am doing them again, of course.

In any case, keep seeking yourself, and the progress will continue.

[Shannon]

I am currently in the process of weaving out the script for Alpha Female Stage 3. Been at this for three hours, and expecting it will continue for a few more at least.

[Shannon]

Processing on the alpha female program has stopped for now. The new laptop has arrived, and I am making a disk image for backup purposes. This may take a while...

[mat422]

I'd say those would be good choices. And after you use those and re-assess your positioning, we can take it from there. You may want to commission a custom. When I am doing them again, of course.

In any case, keep seeking yourself, and the progress will continue.

Thanks shannon, I'm going to start with Disconnect from negativity within. I figured it's general enough so it will possibly cover some of that baggage that I can't really identify with. Looking at the script it seems really simple and direct, which would help me more in releasing those negative beliefs. The fact is I don't really need to understand the problems, I just need to let go of them. I'll be curious to see how I'm affected because right now I'm unsure of just how much negativity I hold inside of me.

Also how much would a custom cost? Right now I'm trying to save my money for paying off student loans and it would be nice to know how much I'd need to spend on a custom. I'm definitely a plan ahead type of guy, so I tend to neglect my own needs at times. Maybe sorting out my mindset should be more of a priority than worrying about money right now.

[Shannon]

I'd say those would be good choices. And after you use those and re-assess your positioning, we can take it from there. You may want to commission a custom. When I am doing them again, of course.

In any case, keep seeking yourself, and the progress will continue.

Thanks shannon, I'm going to start with Disconnect from negativity within. I figured it's general enough so it will possibly cover some of that baggage that I can't really identify with. Looking at the script it seems really simple and direct, which would help me more in releasing those negative beliefs. The fact is I don't really need to understand the problems, I just need to let go of them. I'll be curious to see how I'm affected because right now I'm unsure of just how much negativity I hold inside of me.

Also how much would a custom cost? Right now I'm trying to save my money for paying off student loans and it would be nice to know how much I'd need to spend on a custom. I'm definitely a plan ahead type of guy, so I tend to neglect my own needs at times. Maybe sorting out my mindset should be more of a priority than worrying about money right now.

Better understanding never hurts.

IF you decide you need and want a custom, they are $400 each as of this writing. But you should run through the programs you mentioned first and then assess whether a custom is what you really want and need before worrying about it.

[K-Train]

IF you decide you need and want a custom, they are $400 each as of this writing. But you should run through the programs you mentioned first and then assess whether a custom is what you really want and need before worrying about it.

Wait, so even name embeds cost 400 bucks now!? Holy cow!

[Shannon]

IF you decide you need and want a custom, they are $400 each as of this writing. But you should run through the programs you mentioned first and then assess whether a custom is what you really want and need before worrying about it.

Wait, so even name embeds cost 400 bucks now!? Holy cow!

No. Name embeds are customized, not custom work. They use a standard script, but add a name to each statement. Adding a name requires work for me to adjust the script and rebuild it as a customized program, but certainly not $400 worth.

Full customs include a name embed unless you want it otherwise, but you can adjust anything about the build process (include two or three different goals, use scripts you create, use your own voice to record the script, include binaural audio, add some methodologies I don't commonly use, remove some that I do, etc.) as long as I believe it will actually work, and will cause no harm to anyone. Only full customs cost $400.

[Shannon]

Currently setting up the new laptop for hosting the build environment. This may take another day or so, after which (I hope) builds should be much faster. They require huge amounts of processing power, and especially when run in parallel, so this 4-core i7 chip should significantly increase build speed. That doesn't necessarily mean the process will appear significantly faster to you, the end user, because there are many stages which have nothing to do with the processor speed for their individual completion speed; but the process should potentially be made faster and easier for me, at least.

EDIT: First greetings from the new machine.

[Shannon]

Sex Magnet is definitely at work. I am both surprised and impressed with the effects it is having. I see very clearly where this is leading, and only half way through SM Stage 1, I am really amazed.