SantaRich's Journal

[SantaRich]

It seems that the first few stages of any six stage set are going to be rough. I'm finally beginning to feel relaxed again. SM is awesome man.. but starting Alpha Male almost immediately after SM, I made a complete 180. Tense, not confident, hopeless, tired. Things come full circle near the end. I know I'll have fun next time I run SM.

Actually, so far I seem to get kind of energized a little bit from listening to SM2. Atleast when I am awake and listening to it, when I wake up atleast I would say 2 out of 4 days I am tired and kind of groggy, today when I got up I felt like I was sleepwalking for 10 or 15 minutes, but it was pretty late and I do not like to waste a beautiful day sleeping. Also my mindset feels alot better and more relaxed, just that one day where I felt like I am hopeless with women and I will never have the joy that women and or companionship can bring. Now I know that is not the case, or does not have to be the case, but I feel like I hold myself back a lot and I have no reason why I do it.

Like today, I went to get a very badly needed haircut, and of course there is a chick at the place I went who I thought was pretty cute, and I kind of liked her style, she had a Girl with a Dragon Tattoo thing going on, not the pointy in a row spike thing, but feel to her. Now she was not the one giving me a haircut, but I was still attracted to her, and yet I really did nothing to try and meet her, I saw her smile at least once when I was talking to the girl who cut my hair and there were no other customers there so I know she smiled at what I said. And now I am really wishing I would have done something, although I really have no clue what I could have done in that situation? I usually say to myself that if anything is supposed to happen then I will see her outside of that place where maybe I can do something, but that is what I have said my entire life, and I know I have passed up some amazing things by saying that and thinking that to myself. Actually this one time, I was with a buddy getting a bite to eat, I let him go up to order first as I was still looking at the menu and checking out the chick taking the orders, I thought to myself she was cute but not like a ten or anything, but then when I stepped up to order and looked at her face, something just hit me like a bolt of lightning, I swear it was like, well indescribable, but one of the more intense and interesting things that ever happened with the fairer sex to me. I don't know if she was my soulmate or a past life soulmate or what, but only happened that once and has never happened since, mind you I told myself at that time the same thing, that if it is meant to be it will be, and told myself I would go back there soon to see if it happened again, but I never went back and the place closed down soon after. I don't know if she felt it too, I honestly don't know how she would not have, it was that intense for me atleast.

If anyone has read all of this you really have some patience.

But so far so good with SM2, I am just hoping that when it kicks in I will be able to tell when I affect women, I am pretty bad for the most part at spotting signs.

Rich