Rock 'n' Roll This AM6 - Stage 6!

[Clansy]

Hi guys so after some considerations I have decided to start a journal here because sometimes I just need a place to put my thoughts into order and track my progress.

So a little about me:

I have done AM5 before with great results. Can say it really changed my life (used to be very insecure, shut in person, who was picked on and bullied his whole life), the only downside is that its effect decreased after 8 months and that's why I have decided to start AM6 instead of other sub. In the middle of these subs I have done around 5 months of LTU with nice results as well.

Currently I have enrolled into one of the best countries university (first year here, I am 19 years old). 4 Months back I have launched my small online business and can say that without much work (about 30min a day) I am making enough to pay for my needs, overall getting about as much as mid income person would be getting working full day in my country (Not so much in Europe standards, I live in poor country).


Sum up of Stage 1:

1. Lot of dreams (Killing zombies with potato mush... )
2. More bold and confident
3. Increased anger
4. Decreased need socializing, became more antisocial (not happy about this)
5. More calm in stressful situations (No stage fear now whatsoever)
6. Had few depression attacks about problems from the past (did PSTEC on that)


Now moving to Stage 2 Day 2:

Feeling depressed for no reason, like my life is lacking something... But then I think about it logically I pretty much got what I have desired for so long: great friends that share same interests, got into my dream university, started successful business that is growing and expanding. Today I even started exercising again. It might be that I have lost the goal to start business I had in target for so long... Or problem might be in my relationships. Quite few years have passed till I was last in a relationship with a girl (I was 16, now I am 19). Mainly because I was in love with one girl (deep friendzone) for 2 years and simply refused to look for something else. Now that she is gone it might be about time to fix this side of my life that is lacking. Ouu and before all this depression came felt really confident and strong after starting stage 2!

[Shannon]

Depression is often a result of the subconscious wanting to resist the program, but realizing that it cannot... feeling unable to avoid that change that scares it... and responding with depression (feelings of hopelessness to avoid a fear). Until the change is made, at which time it disappears and is replaced by new positive programming. It is also possible that you are confronting and dealing with feelings of hopelessness in other directions based on other things, usually strongly ingrained faulty thinking and beliefs.

[Clansy]

Depression is often a result of the subconscious wanting to resist the program, but realizing that it cannot... feeling unable to avoid that change that scares it... and responding with depression (feelings of hopelessness to avoid a fear). Until the change is made, at which time it disappears and is replaced by new positive programming. It is also possible that you are confronting and dealing with feelings of hopelessness in other directions based on other things, usually strongly ingrained faulty thinking and beliefs.

Thank you Shannon, it might just be normal reaction of depression (I have felt it a lot during AM5). Kinda thought that it might be sub pushing me to move my ass somewhere and to do things to improve my life by making me feel not content with what I have and creating that feeling that my life lacks something.

[Clansy]

Stage 2 Day 5

Depression is gone, it's now changed by crazy dreams at night. Today I got particular interesting night. I have dreamed that I was possessed by demon and got superpower and could levitate objects with my mind. Even possessed I was in control of myself, but I was scared and tried to get rid of that demon. First I have tried getting rid of it myself then looked for ways to see exorcist, but at the same time enjoyed I have playing and tossing things around with levitation (who wouldn't enjoy ). What’s strange here is that I got strong dejavu feeling that I have had this particular dream when I was doing AM5. Well at least it happens for me on occasions that when I wake up I just know, that I have dreamed that before.

[aswase]

Has your anti-sociability gone away? I experienced the same around stage 3-5 in AM 5

[Clansy]

Has your anti-sociability gone away? I experienced the same around stage 3-5 in AM 5

I'am still in the middle of stage 2, but actually feel very sociable now again... Kinda strange because in AM5, during all of its period I was VERY unsociable.

Another thing I have noticed that my fear of height is like totally gone . Now I am more like exited instead of being scared and my head doesn't feel dizzy then I look down from 6 floors building.

[Womanizer]

Stage 2 is more like a I really don't care what you think about me anymore I'm here I'm alpha and hear me roar.

[Clansy]

Stage 2 Day 13

Feeling pretty good, confident and sociable. Overall really stable in my shoes . Starting to feel EPRHA in my dreams doing work. Lately have been dreaming about being haunted in my sleep, hearing loud explosions, doors crashing, things flying and so on. Interesting thing that in my dreams my room is rearranged like it was in my childhood. From reading dreams meanings it all implies that I am facing things, traumas that scared me then I was a child.

[Clansy]

Stage 3 currently 2 weeks in

Stage 2 and now stage 3 was kinda interesting and different from most of others people journals and my personal experiences during AM5.

First of all all the anger, frustration is easy to control. At least I dont feel like running psychomaniac like I did in AM5 then I was fighting everybody around me no matter if they were family, friends or enemies. The only hard to control frustration I felt was during week one of Stage 2 and week one of Stage 3 which I can relate to resistance and exhaustion.

I don't know if this means I have nothing to be angry at.. Or I just now understand that for everything I am responsible myself. But this is quite strange because I was ready to go on psicho mode ... Would like to hear here from SHANNON if you are reading this

Another interesting thing is I feel happy and social, totally different than during AM5 then I was feeling isolated, hard to relate to people, hard to talk and having nothing to say. It feel more like during LTU 3.1 (did it for 6 months few months before AM) than AM5.


Now moving to other topics I have decided to take up martial arts classes to have some fun, socialize and open up the circle of friends I have to new people. Pretty much now I am feeling not that bad as I would have expected from my past run and other peoples journals. The only thing I have hard time letting go is neediness for girls in my life. Let's hope AM will fix it in further stages

[LiquidMind]

Nice journey man

How would you describe the stages from 1 to 3 so far with a couple of words each? (I'm day 9 of stage 1 so far)

Keep it up!

LM

[Clansy]

Nice journey man

How would you describe the stages from 1 to 3 so far with a couple of words each? (I'm day 9 of stage 1 so far)

Keep it up!

LM

I always felt resistance at 1st week of each stage then 2-3 week pretty much nothing and on week 4 it always blossoms.

Stage 1: Became more cocky, confident, calling people on shit, more relaxed. Voice became deeper. Had some nightmares, not pleasant dreams (was killing zombies and stuff).

Stage 2: Felt pretty casual, a bit of anger at start, then it calmed down. Had lot's of scary nightmares, felt lots of fear in them (mostly from my past traumas). Then suddenly socializing became way more easy, fun and casual. Got rid of some fear of being judged or not approved. (EPRHA?) Voice became normal once again.

Stage 3: Well was angry and frustrated at the start as usual, no bad dreams now, actually had a lot of super pleasant ones (dreamed of me having my dreams). Moving slower, posture and movements improved, a bit more confident and noticed my voice getting deeper again.

[JakeKennedy]

I'm not as far along in AM 6 as you (Stage 2 Day 21) but so far your experiences really resonate with me. The first week of the first two stages were very rough with big dips in confidence, some depression and bad dreams. After the first week though things level off then start to get better. For me so far it's been one step back then two steps forward with each stage.

Best of luck Clansy

[Clansy]

Stage 3 last few days

Ok, I think it's about time to make an update. Stage 3 in itself didn't make any obvious changes that I would notice myself, but others seems to notice them pretty well . I will try to keep it short because lately I don't have too much time.

Few big thingies happened in few last week, for example I have mustered the courage to go to the same party as my ex that I still had feelings for at least 9 months after our last seeing each other. Interesting thing that most of feeling just vanished after that and overall I had a really great and fun party.

Another thing (or things) that happened was in new year party. Pulled solid 9 (ballet dancer) to bed, no problem (keep in mind I don't really have experience and I am still virgin) we have cuddled and made out for few hours and even too she kept saying she doesn't go further that that on first meeting, after staying persistent and refusing her No, got a blowie. Most interesting thing that pretty much I didn't do anything to get her to bed. She did it all herself, all I did was pull her upstairs to the room in the middle of the dance. While making out she told me that when she walked in the party and saw me, she immediately knew we will end up like that and I seemed different from other guys (guys there were all quite "cool", so this mean even more).

Another interesting thing happened then we got back to the party and after like 30-50 min another girl just took me by my hand and pulled me to dance floor. We danced for a half a hour and went to talk (didn't want to pull her to bed, she wasn't that good looking, maybe around 7). Then all of the evening and other day those two girls kept fighting for my attention. Second girl just messaged me on facebook wanting to meetup, but i don't have time right now because of exams, so we put it off for later.

[Clansy]

Stage 4 day 2

Whoaa... Having super strong resistance for stage 4. I believe I haven't felt that strong depression and exhaustion from stage 2. It's very interesting how suddenly you can go from king of the mountain to nothing. But I don't worry about it, in a week time I will be back. Just have to let it pass.

Kinda failed to escalate it further with girl I have had fun in the party. Understood that while in person I am way better than in texting. In this situation the biggest obstacle was time, because we both lacked it. I have exams and lots of work. She has repetitions, studying and social work, but I still believe she can answer me faster that in 8 hours time. Even I can muster at least one message in a hour or two. For this reason I have decided to stop texting her after her last short phrase (I believe 3 words) message. If she wants it, she will find me herself, for now I will be focusing on exams and business.

Also any good advises in texting would be welcomed . Also If somebody know a really good book about it I would love to read it.