05-07-2014, 08:55 AM
Always trying to fit a mold, that's been the majority of my life. Always trying to stay somewhat in the middle avoiding any conflict. Most of the time because I was so sensitive and carried the weight of others opinions more heavily than my own sense of self. It got to the point where I had no real sense of self because I'd assume I was always wrong and others knew better than me.
But it's gotten to a point where I just don't care anymore. There are so many ignorant people running around thinking they're the greatest person ever, meanwhile they ruin friendships, hurt people, and slack off in life. And here I am, being so hard on myself that I miss out on opportunities in my life. For whatever reason I've always thought of myself as a bad person, but compared to other people out there I'm practically a saint. I honestly don't know where that comes from. Negative beliefs? Maybe. It could also be because of the chronic depression I've experienced in my life that has intertwined with my personality. And I don't know if that's a genetic thing or not. It doesn't really matter, so long as I handle it.
I recently realized after talking to some of my friends that we're all struggling in our own ways. And it made me feel better because I didn't feel like I was this messed up individual and everyone else had everything going well. It just put into perspective that it wasn't me. It's the world around me and my friends pick up on it too.
But it's gotten to a point where I just don't care anymore. There are so many ignorant people running around thinking they're the greatest person ever, meanwhile they ruin friendships, hurt people, and slack off in life. And here I am, being so hard on myself that I miss out on opportunities in my life. For whatever reason I've always thought of myself as a bad person, but compared to other people out there I'm practically a saint. I honestly don't know where that comes from. Negative beliefs? Maybe. It could also be because of the chronic depression I've experienced in my life that has intertwined with my personality. And I don't know if that's a genetic thing or not. It doesn't really matter, so long as I handle it.
I recently realized after talking to some of my friends that we're all struggling in our own ways. And it made me feel better because I didn't feel like I was this messed up individual and everyone else had everything going well. It just put into perspective that it wasn't me. It's the world around me and my friends pick up on it too.
