Revisiting guilt, shame, and fear

[mat422]

I get what you're saying. Nobody solved anything sitting around wishing they were different.

I think there's definitely stuff I have to fix though. I can't deny that. And being honest with myself feels better than telling myself I'm ok.

Maybe I'm misunderstanding you. But my past experience with being more accepting of stuff and not seeing myself as broken caused my issues to weave themselves into my personality. Instead I'm accepting of being messed up because at least then I know what has to change.

It depends on what it is I'd say.

If you're trying to fix the fact that you like watching Sponge Bob, you're too far in the wrong direction. If you're trying to find out why you always freak out around certain people, you're on the right track.

What exactly is it that you think is wrong?

Lol, ok. I'm trying to tackle this piece by piece, but it gets overwhelming at times. Yesterday was a particularly bad day.

This is me in a nutshell, http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/avoid...-disorders

I've pretty much developed a mask that comes on when I'm around other people. It's just really tiring. I'm never really at ease, but I'll appear at ease. Most of what's going on underneath the surface is chaotic. In the past my main way of coping with this was being more aloof in a kind of I'll reject you before you reject me mentality.

Even though it's a personality disorder, I'm never settling for the idea that it's just who I am. But because it is somewhat tied in with my personality, it makes it that much harder to overcome. It's a lot of reinforced behavior and patterns that I need to break.