I hate these dreams, but I suspect they're very important.
I had one of my most-despised recurring dreams last night, and it - without doubt - was my most vivid in a very long while.
It always begins with school - either high school, or college. This one was college. The grounds and halls were very elaborate, like a 10-story-tall Hogwarts.
I passed people I used to know in the hallways, not speaking, but nodding in acknowledgment. I remember going to a class, having missed it all semester or year, thinking I had prepared for the final test at home doing self-study, and that I'd be fine. The first question of the test was about very specific details of one of my favorite books - and in the dream I can't remember the answer to the question - as the multiple multiple choice answers are too similar and too specific (like 1 or 2 words are the only difference in each answer).
The rest of the test is based on an assignment that was handed out IN the class, and that I couldn't possibly have known about it unless I had been IN the classroom. So I read the instructions to the test, and I can't understand what I'm supposed to do. I look around in frustration, while the teacher walks around watching us all. People are handing in their tests left and right, others are furiously scribbling away, and I just sit there not knowing what to do - feeling increasingly more panicked, and increasingly more frustrated. Two kids notice my panic, and one leans over and says, "Don't you know the answers?" I tell him/her "No, what do I do!?" The response was, "Well, didn't you do your assignment?" I say, "No." They say, "Oh, well you had to do the assignment - it's about the teacher's poetry. If you didn't do it, you can't know the answers."
They wanted to help me out, and by that time in the dream I'm tearing up because I'm so frustrated, and I know I'm screwed. They offer to give me their work so I can complete my test, but deep down I know it's inherently the wrong thing to do, so I decline. Then, as the teacher is hovering over me, not saying a word, just watching and judging me, I wake up with MAJOR anxiety. It's lasted for hours.
I read somewhere these types of dreams happen in the emotional brain, rather than the higher functioning cognitive part. I feel like after analyzing my dream very closely this time, that I'm not taking an active enough part/role in my own life. In the dream, I'm skipping out on class, just coasting by. Self-study isn't enough. I'm letting life lead me, instead of taking charge and leading my life. This will require further contemplation. Being that the dream involved my favorite book series and the test was on my teacher's poetry - if the teacher represents my higher self (just a theory), perhaps I need to take a more active role in being creative or musical in my life.
I think about it, and it's true. I've been coasting through life for years. The last time I was taking life by the horns was...when I was in school. I haven't done anything "out in the world" with driven purpose for a long time. Then the fear I experienced contemplating all of that was near-debilitating. Guess I have OF in my future, hopefully in the form of EPRHA 2.0.
I had one of my most-despised recurring dreams last night, and it - without doubt - was my most vivid in a very long while.
It always begins with school - either high school, or college. This one was college. The grounds and halls were very elaborate, like a 10-story-tall Hogwarts.
I passed people I used to know in the hallways, not speaking, but nodding in acknowledgment. I remember going to a class, having missed it all semester or year, thinking I had prepared for the final test at home doing self-study, and that I'd be fine. The first question of the test was about very specific details of one of my favorite books - and in the dream I can't remember the answer to the question - as the multiple multiple choice answers are too similar and too specific (like 1 or 2 words are the only difference in each answer).
The rest of the test is based on an assignment that was handed out IN the class, and that I couldn't possibly have known about it unless I had been IN the classroom. So I read the instructions to the test, and I can't understand what I'm supposed to do. I look around in frustration, while the teacher walks around watching us all. People are handing in their tests left and right, others are furiously scribbling away, and I just sit there not knowing what to do - feeling increasingly more panicked, and increasingly more frustrated. Two kids notice my panic, and one leans over and says, "Don't you know the answers?" I tell him/her "No, what do I do!?" The response was, "Well, didn't you do your assignment?" I say, "No." They say, "Oh, well you had to do the assignment - it's about the teacher's poetry. If you didn't do it, you can't know the answers."
They wanted to help me out, and by that time in the dream I'm tearing up because I'm so frustrated, and I know I'm screwed. They offer to give me their work so I can complete my test, but deep down I know it's inherently the wrong thing to do, so I decline. Then, as the teacher is hovering over me, not saying a word, just watching and judging me, I wake up with MAJOR anxiety. It's lasted for hours.
I read somewhere these types of dreams happen in the emotional brain, rather than the higher functioning cognitive part. I feel like after analyzing my dream very closely this time, that I'm not taking an active enough part/role in my own life. In the dream, I'm skipping out on class, just coasting by. Self-study isn't enough. I'm letting life lead me, instead of taking charge and leading my life. This will require further contemplation. Being that the dream involved my favorite book series and the test was on my teacher's poetry - if the teacher represents my higher self (just a theory), perhaps I need to take a more active role in being creative or musical in my life.
I think about it, and it's true. I've been coasting through life for years. The last time I was taking life by the horns was...when I was in school. I haven't done anything "out in the world" with driven purpose for a long time. Then the fear I experienced contemplating all of that was near-debilitating. Guess I have OF in my future, hopefully in the form of EPRHA 2.0.
