Rebirth Of A Natural Alpha

[ManOfElectricity]

It's like I have a real strong urge to look after myself, physical fitness is a priority at the moment.

I found a real desire to look after myself, as well as improve myself, both intellectually and physically. It's seems to be quite a prominent feature of the Alpha set - turning all unused energy around and focusing it on improving yourself.

Yeah, I agree with this. It's great that we are all noticing the same patterns. It means that it is working.

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Today has being really real tough.

I have a lot of negative feelings coming up at the moment and it is really overwhelming and it's very difficult for me to do stuff I need or want to do. Luckily I got friends and family I can talk to and are very understanding. My mum is into Ramtha so she understands about resistance.

Last week, pretty much all the time I was doing great. I got back to the gym on a regular basis and I'm getting into to a routine in terms of mediation and practicing martial arts. I was practically on a high last week, especially the middle of the week.

I went to martial arts class yesterday for the first time in a long time and I can tell that my teacher is not happy with me. I've missed a lot of classes due to taken on too much work and then becoming burnt out and then having what I think could have being a break down of some kind. The reason why I think this is that I had bad anxiety attacks and depression (of which absolute self confidence definitely helped me recover from).

I managed to get back to a few classes but then I went on a trip to Austria and that kind of broke things up. It's only this last week that I actually got back to a proper routine, before that I was hardly doing anything, it's like I was needing just to get back to normal energy levels again before taking on exercise.

In one sense I see where my teacher is coming from. He wants me to do well and succeed and he is 100% behind me. He wants to bring out the best in me, that is what he loves to do with his students and of course we all love him for it.

In another sense I'm easily upset with anyone who I feel is impatient with me right now because my top priority is to be emotionally healthy and it's like no one (except my close family) knows what's happened to me and so no one can understand why I haven't put in the time like I should have done.

The last time I was like this I was in film school. I got really depressed at one point and I just needed to slow down but some teachers got a bit annoyed with me, they thought I was slacking and being lazy but actually what was happening was that I was recharging.

I guess in a couple weeks in won't matter, I'll be more into my routine and I'll be getting along fine with my teacher and enjoying my classes again. It's just at the moment it's really getting me down.

Maybe at the beginning of being an alpha it necessary to become more selfish (in a healthy way) and make sure my needs are being taken care of. It's like I went for a full system reset and although in the long run it's will be for the best in the initial stages people are going to misunderstand and get annoyed with me. It happened in film school and I think it's happening again.