09-11-2026, 02:05 AM
After some times of feeling awkward, I felt a bit better this week.
I went down the street earlier, before I went home I went to the supermarket to get some stuff. When I got to the checkout I looked at the girl working and was thinking "damn she's sexy" and waited in the line. I was feeling fairly relaxed and natural.
But it went weird. When she was scanning my stuff I noticed some hats sitting up on the checkout and I said "I see they've given you some hats, but you aren't wearing one". It was really just a simple statement, a bit of a joke. But she reacted so fucking weirdly, she paused and slowly looked around at the hats like she was weirded out, then at me like she was freaked out like I said something really suggestive or something and gave me this weird "ahhh no, i'm allright thanks" like I suggested something to her and she was freaked out.
What the fuck? It was way out of context and so very exaggerated for the situation. When she started looking at me in the weird way I was about to say something about that weird behaviour, like a subtle sense of assertiveness but I can't remember what I was about to say. Then she answered, I paused a little and said "I guess they aren't the best hats anyway" and she said "no they aren't". Like she was seriously pissed off or 'offended' at the very suggestion she could wear a hate like that, I don't know.
I left and was thinking she was a fucking weirdo for that response. And sadly it triggered shit for me and I couldn't stop thinking about it and my mood went down and I started to feel like shit. It's annoying that things like this, mostly from girls can bring this spiral down.
My thought is that it may be something i'm projecting from stage 1 that i'm not fully aware of yet, causing this kind of weird response to something so simple.
Tonight I went to see my friend and his girlfriend, went to an art gallery then to dinner. Well compared to earlier in the day I felt so fucking awkward and weird, I guess brought on by the reaction I had got. I just felt totally 'off' and awkward, in talking and in my manner and in how I felt.
It was weird I felt like I was getting weird looks from his girlfriend when I looked at her, then I put it together that i've got this several times on stage 1. I think earlier in the week with my dad, I felt that I was getting this same weird look from him, and tonight some guys come selling raffle tickets and one of them seemed awkward and seemed to be giving me a similar reaction, but he also seemed kind of nervous.
So it could be that i'm projecting something else that's both making me feel really awkward and either feeling like i'm getting weird looks from certain people.. or they are picking up something that i'm starting to project that is coming across kind of incongruent. It's just started recently in stage 1, whatever it is.
I went down the street earlier, before I went home I went to the supermarket to get some stuff. When I got to the checkout I looked at the girl working and was thinking "damn she's sexy" and waited in the line. I was feeling fairly relaxed and natural.
But it went weird. When she was scanning my stuff I noticed some hats sitting up on the checkout and I said "I see they've given you some hats, but you aren't wearing one". It was really just a simple statement, a bit of a joke. But she reacted so fucking weirdly, she paused and slowly looked around at the hats like she was weirded out, then at me like she was freaked out like I said something really suggestive or something and gave me this weird "ahhh no, i'm allright thanks" like I suggested something to her and she was freaked out.
What the fuck? It was way out of context and so very exaggerated for the situation. When she started looking at me in the weird way I was about to say something about that weird behaviour, like a subtle sense of assertiveness but I can't remember what I was about to say. Then she answered, I paused a little and said "I guess they aren't the best hats anyway" and she said "no they aren't". Like she was seriously pissed off or 'offended' at the very suggestion she could wear a hate like that, I don't know.
I left and was thinking she was a fucking weirdo for that response. And sadly it triggered shit for me and I couldn't stop thinking about it and my mood went down and I started to feel like shit. It's annoying that things like this, mostly from girls can bring this spiral down.
My thought is that it may be something i'm projecting from stage 1 that i'm not fully aware of yet, causing this kind of weird response to something so simple.
Tonight I went to see my friend and his girlfriend, went to an art gallery then to dinner. Well compared to earlier in the day I felt so fucking awkward and weird, I guess brought on by the reaction I had got. I just felt totally 'off' and awkward, in talking and in my manner and in how I felt.
It was weird I felt like I was getting weird looks from his girlfriend when I looked at her, then I put it together that i've got this several times on stage 1. I think earlier in the week with my dad, I felt that I was getting this same weird look from him, and tonight some guys come selling raffle tickets and one of them seemed awkward and seemed to be giving me a similar reaction, but he also seemed kind of nervous.
So it could be that i'm projecting something else that's both making me feel really awkward and either feeling like i'm getting weird looks from certain people.. or they are picking up something that i'm starting to project that is coming across kind of incongruent. It's just started recently in stage 1, whatever it is.
