Day 30
I am still exhausted and I'm not eating that much anymore. I just want to sleep. All day. Badly.
Anyway, I'm having a weird me here. This is my first time I fell in love (finally! After 20 years!) and I got rejected. And to stabilize myself I'm approaching girls here and there, but being who I am, I immediately gave clear intention to these girls such as, "I just got rejected by the woman I love and I want you to be my emotional support or rebound girl if possible." Fortunately, most are okay with it. (Even one of them offered a service to help me release tensions.)
At the same time, I realized I also loved another woman, but not that intense, specifically something along the line of caring. She already has a boyfriend and it pains me .(Congrats for her though.) But she said, if I want to be hers' and vice versa. (Is it worth it?)
These experiences and events made me aware of my true nature: philogyny. I love girls. I love them so much. I want to make all of 'em mine. Ideally MLTR, like what Blackdragon proposed, is a very plausible route for me to take considering my nature. (Albeit it is debatable regarding this whole thing for it might be a defense mechanism working without me even knowing.)
Then again, I have to resolve my internal conflict first (and meet up with that girl who offered me a service). Booyah! Girls!
I am still exhausted and I'm not eating that much anymore. I just want to sleep. All day. Badly.
Anyway, I'm having a weird me here. This is my first time I fell in love (finally! After 20 years!) and I got rejected. And to stabilize myself I'm approaching girls here and there, but being who I am, I immediately gave clear intention to these girls such as, "I just got rejected by the woman I love and I want you to be my emotional support or rebound girl if possible." Fortunately, most are okay with it. (Even one of them offered a service to help me release tensions.)
At the same time, I realized I also loved another woman, but not that intense, specifically something along the line of caring. She already has a boyfriend and it pains me .(Congrats for her though.) But she said, if I want to be hers' and vice versa. (Is it worth it?)
These experiences and events made me aware of my true nature: philogyny. I love girls. I love them so much. I want to make all of 'em mine. Ideally MLTR, like what Blackdragon proposed, is a very plausible route for me to take considering my nature. (Albeit it is debatable regarding this whole thing for it might be a defense mechanism working without me even knowing.)
Then again, I have to resolve my internal conflict first (and meet up with that girl who offered me a service). Booyah! Girls!
