RainbowAbyssAlpha

[Jay]

Thanks guys its really good to hear u guys say this,
I just feel like I have been postponing being 'ok'
in my life for the sake of "fixing" myself for so long
but whats 6 more months!
I just almost feel bad for my family and
they think I'm a depressed lazy failure who cant do anything
They cant differentiate me in my whole life from the me they are currently experiencing
I told them about the subs but they think its just an excuse.
If I had time alone to deal it would be more manageable but I have a lot of people
expecting a lot out of me and the moment I stop caring is the moment they get mad

Those are your own thoughts. Then again even if it are their thoughts it's not relevant. The only thing that matters is that you value yourself, and think highly of yourself, and even if you're momentarily thinking you're being a "depressed lazy failure", it'll pass. It'll change. This isn't you as a person. It's not something you'll carry around for the rest of your life with you. Remember; Other people's thoughts have no value, unless you give it value (the same can be applied here lol).

The reason they get mad is simply because they're losing their grasp over you. Normally you would probably comply to what they said, and now that you're choosing for yourself it causes frustration and irritation from their side, and they're responding in the only way they know to. By becoming mad, and telling you're no good, so that they can get that sense of control over you again. In time they'll adjust to the new you, and if they're not willing just walk away, because they're not worth it. Some people will like you for who you are, and some don't. Care police.

If you don't do things for them, it doesn't automatically mean that you're worthless. It only means that you have preferences on what you're willing to do for them, or not.

In that same train of thought, don't make up excuses (even if it are valid ones), because they're not interested in them. They're only interested in getting back that sense of control that they had over you. And they will use your excuses against you to sabotage you, and probably even tell that you better stop using subs or that it doesn't do ****. Be selfish, and think for yourself. If they experience any problems with you, because you're working on yourself. Than it's their problem, not yours. If you want to be an extension of some one else's life, make sure to listen to them and do everything that they tell you, but don't expect them to be grateful for it.