03-25-2018, 10:05 AM
Day 31
I wanted to run version A after my break day, but it didn't make it so I continued with version B. I hope it gets released soon though.
There has been some internal progress over the last few days but I don't feel like going over the details. Yesterday I went to a gathering and I noticed my approach to socializing is different now. I care so much less about what people think. Initially the people who were there were those I didn't really gel with. I made no effort to engage them because I have no desire to and I was comfortable with being by myself. Last time I would try to blend in and would predictably feel like an outsider. When people who I gel with arrived, I didn't just jump in and rush to be with them, like as if relieved that I'm not alone anymore, which is what I used to do. Instead how I engage people nowadays is just initiate eye contact with them and wait for them to greet me. If they do not greet me, I don't bother. If they do, I'd greet them warmly. Again I was uncaring of what people think and just joked without restraint. I feel people treated me with more status.
I also saw my ex briefly. The last time I saw her was last year when I was running DMSI 3.1A. I hadn't seen her for a year then. At that time seeing her brought me much pain unexpectedly. This time however I had no feeling whatsoever upon seeing her. Also, my friend mentioned she has a boyfriend now and I didn't feel a thing. Honestly. It's really a relief that I am well and truly past her. I didn't engage her because I had no desire to.
Today I met the same girl from day 24. She was going to make me dinner. Can't say no to that. She'd cook at her house, then bring it to my house, we'd eat and then watch a movie and then f*ck. Nothing could go wrong. But when it actually happened it felt a little anti climatic somehow. Everything went according to plan and we had fun. But I felt a little bored by the predictability. Well next week Friday we'll be going to a nearby island for one night. That should bring a fresh change to the routine.
I wanted to run version A after my break day, but it didn't make it so I continued with version B. I hope it gets released soon though.
There has been some internal progress over the last few days but I don't feel like going over the details. Yesterday I went to a gathering and I noticed my approach to socializing is different now. I care so much less about what people think. Initially the people who were there were those I didn't really gel with. I made no effort to engage them because I have no desire to and I was comfortable with being by myself. Last time I would try to blend in and would predictably feel like an outsider. When people who I gel with arrived, I didn't just jump in and rush to be with them, like as if relieved that I'm not alone anymore, which is what I used to do. Instead how I engage people nowadays is just initiate eye contact with them and wait for them to greet me. If they do not greet me, I don't bother. If they do, I'd greet them warmly. Again I was uncaring of what people think and just joked without restraint. I feel people treated me with more status.
I also saw my ex briefly. The last time I saw her was last year when I was running DMSI 3.1A. I hadn't seen her for a year then. At that time seeing her brought me much pain unexpectedly. This time however I had no feeling whatsoever upon seeing her. Also, my friend mentioned she has a boyfriend now and I didn't feel a thing. Honestly. It's really a relief that I am well and truly past her. I didn't engage her because I had no desire to.
Today I met the same girl from day 24. She was going to make me dinner. Can't say no to that. She'd cook at her house, then bring it to my house, we'd eat and then watch a movie and then f*ck. Nothing could go wrong. But when it actually happened it felt a little anti climatic somehow. Everything went according to plan and we had fun. But I felt a little bored by the predictability. Well next week Friday we'll be going to a nearby island for one night. That should bring a fresh change to the routine.