09-17-2020, 06:50 AM
Second Cycle Day Four - I hit a point last night and this morning where I was very aware at least intellectually that stressing myself out over things I can't control isn't worth it. I have done this most of my life. Allowed other people's moods , annoyances, and inconveniences no matter how trivial get to me. That is just fucked. I did it out of fear. Fear of what I have no idea. I feel a lot of it comes from being a kid and being blamed for quite literally every bad thing that happened to a parent or family member whether it was true or not. Obviously it's not easy being around immature narcissistic people that aren't at all willing to admit they could possibly be wrong about something. Way easier to blame a kid who has no idea what is going on and has no basis for what mental and emotional maturity is because it sure as shit doesn't exist in anyone around him.
