OSC 6G

[User_000]

What can i say? for some reason men act more friendly toward me and women just avoid me, the ones who forcefully have to interact with me haha, can't complain since i don't get along with women either way but is funny.

[Shannon]

I wonder if that isn't some sort of resentment or negativity towards women they sense from you.

[User_000]

Yeah, at some point in my childhood i started having some sort of resentment, don't even know how, why or when, it's not like i hate them or they treat me bad, there is some kind of resentment but that's not all, maybe is also my own definition of confidence, to put it simply it means being intimidating, and the reason, i think it's cool since i have memory, so probably combining those resulted in this.

[User_000]

I think confidence is getting on the nerves of the fearful part of myself, i can no longer relax without having self harmful thoughts, disgusting thoughts, every kind of shit that would make me experience fear, at first i just try to deny those thoughts and forget about it, but as usual they kept getting on my mind, there is one difference between before and after OSC, before those thoughts would make feel fear and get worse until i got distracted by something else or lessened a bit, now it's like noise in my mind, annoying as hell but i don't feel that fear, now i'm trying to fix those thoughts, if i think about a knife cutting a limb then i change the limb for sausages, if i imagine gunshots then i change it to videogames, the ones i can't change are the disgusting ones, those make me sick so i do my best to ignore them. It's also making me wary of every little noise in the surroundings, i don't fear that but i can't avoid paying heed to it even if i know it's nothing, very annoying. Fear is slowly being replaced by something like "can you just shut the fuck up" attitude.

[Shannon]

What other programs from IML have you run before this?