OGSF 5.9G

[ffaux]

I had some interesting experiences on my first night, so I thought I'd start a journal.

Firstly, resistance. Immediately after turning on the playlist, my mind snapped its attention obsessively on some trivial problem, and I kept turning it over in my head until I fell asleep--I noticed it, and made a note of it, but I don't remember the subject of the obsession. I don't think it was material. I could feel my mind trying to escape, focusing my attention on anything but OGSF.

Secondly, a dream that I think was about my inner child? I was in a house like complex inside what felt like a cave. I had to look after a baby girl that was advanced in her communication beyond her age. She was the child of my friends. She was waddling around and I was trying to take care of her, and at one point I was focusing on something else when I heard her crying. Our common friend who is gay was there criticising me/warning me about not taking care of her properly (along the lines of our friends will be disappointed/will lose trust). I went to find her in another room, and realised that she was fine and it was only a doll with a crying sound track. I woke up thinking that I didn't change her dirty diaper before we went to bed, but realised that it was only a dream. Weird.

I had a lot of neck tension from OFv4. I'm hoping OGSF 5.9g will not trigger the same.

[ffaux]

The first few days have been a bit tumultuous which I think was because I switched over from OFv4 too quickly, but regardless, I think it was the right decision:

1. I think I had hit a roadblock with OFv4 that doesn't seem to be there with OGSF, and
   
2. I can feel the self-esteem module at work when I listen which makes me feel very good about myself. OFv4 could feel a bit bleak at times, constantly dealing with fears, but OGSF doesn't have the same feeling because of self-esteem. It's nice.
   

The first few nights I had a lot of dreams that I could remember, but last night it all slipped into the background, and I think the programs gaining power/momentum. Also the resistance seems to be fading or gone.

[racktree]

Are you on hybrid or masked?

[ffaux]

Are you on hybrid or masked?

I’m listening to ultrasonic as recommended by the instructions.

I’m not sure if I need to increase the input. I’m on my 2nd night off in my first cycle, and it doesn’t feel like much is happening—like the effect has already faded. There’s really nothing much to talk about.

[ffaux]

I spoke too soon. Last two nights have been filled with dreams that are clearly from OGSF. Very interesting that some of the dreams are dreams that I’ve had before, but I’m now unblocked and the dream moves forward instead of repeating itself.

[ffaux]

I had the urge to start this cycle one day early, so I'm now on 4 days on, 3 days off.

In terms of effects so far, I've had some weird dreams where I have woken up frightened, and I've generally needed extra sleep and have been extra tired.

Update: I forgot to mention these effects: I have trouble going to sleep, and wake up sometime between 2 and 5 in the night.

In terms of results, I think guilt and guilt based responses are decreasing.

[ffaux]

It's unbelievable that so many people are ready for Maverick. Are there really so many people who have found what they came here for, and are now ready to take it to the next level? Meanwhile, 10 years later, and I'm still trying to overcome my insecurities around women.

[ffaux]

I have the weird experience that my guilt, shame, and fear resurfaces at night, waking me up regardless of whether I’m listening to the subliminal or not, but I feel increasingly absolved of these emotions during the day.

[Shannon]

I like the sound of progress.

[ffaux]

I had a recurring dream last night about rain dripping in from the roof. The first time it was raining really hard, and water started dripping in, so I quickly found a bucket and that took care of it. This time, it went straight to the leaking roof, but this time it was leaking in two places, and one place was leaking so hard that there was a puddle on the floor. Again, I quickly found some buckets, and then the dream moved on.

I still wake up around 3-4am every night, and don’t fall back asleep.

[ffaux]

I was barely functioning because of exhaustion this weekend up until yesterday. Last night was my first night of listening this cycle, and I'm still tired today, but not even close to the same level. I think things are happening, but it's hard to tell what things are.

[ffaux]

It has been another exhausting weekend, and I'm very much looking forward to starting my next cycle because I usually feel better. This weekend, I felt this incredible tension in my neck that developed into tension headaches. It was very difficult to sleep, and when I did sleep, it wasn't restful, and I woke up exhausted.

This can be a tough program emotionally. A lot of unpleasant emotions surface.

[ffaux]

Chipping away at stuff. Have realised that a chunk of my problem with attractive women is fear of being humiliated by them and being made threaten by alpha men. I anticipate being humiliated either because they are rude and unfriendly, or if they are friendly, because I make an advance on them that's unwelcome. It's making my heart beat in my throat just to write this stuff out.

[ffaux]

It can be hard to tell when you’re making progress, but it’s easy to tell when there is still an area that needs development. I was out last night and there were some kids around at one point who were quite rough—the kind that cause trouble—and I felt very intimidated by them. They couldn’t have been 20 yet—babies—but you can tell from their energy that they don’t have an issue being confrontational. I find that energy very intimidating in other men. They’re the men that I imagine in my fears will attack me if I attempt to pursue attractive women.