09-24-2021, 07:28 AM
Day 132
The past couple of weeks have been rough. I was experiencing an increasing level of fear, to the point that I was miserable. So, I boosted the loops to 8/day and ran them until I was totally exhausted. After that, I backed the loops down to 1/day, 2 on:1off. I'm still mentally tired, but the fear is gone. Oddly enough, the fear cleared when I backed the loops down to 1/day. That's also when I began sleeping better and vivid dreams returned. My theory is that I switched from processing mode to full-on execution.
OFv3 has been pretty consistent in revealing what I don't want in life. It has also been consistent in bringing out anti-social tendencies more than any sub I've run to date. I think this is because of what the sub is demanding from me and the fact that I'm having to focus damned near all of my energy inwardly to make headway. I've built my entire life on top of fear, layer by layer. OFv3 has the difficult task of unraveling that big ball of knotted yarn. Six months won't be enough to finish that task. I'm pretty certain of that. But, I'm going to have to jump on the UMSv2 bandwagon at the six month mark. Although I expect certain circumstances to work themselves out to some degree, that's not something I can bank on. I need UMSv2 to guide me through a possible rough patch that may be coming in the near future. With any luck, that guidance will be significant enough that I'll never look back to where I am now. As tempted as I am to get a head start...right now... with UMSv2, I'm going to remain faithful to OFv3 until my run is complete. That should fall around mid-November.
The past couple of weeks have been rough. I was experiencing an increasing level of fear, to the point that I was miserable. So, I boosted the loops to 8/day and ran them until I was totally exhausted. After that, I backed the loops down to 1/day, 2 on:1off. I'm still mentally tired, but the fear is gone. Oddly enough, the fear cleared when I backed the loops down to 1/day. That's also when I began sleeping better and vivid dreams returned. My theory is that I switched from processing mode to full-on execution.
OFv3 has been pretty consistent in revealing what I don't want in life. It has also been consistent in bringing out anti-social tendencies more than any sub I've run to date. I think this is because of what the sub is demanding from me and the fact that I'm having to focus damned near all of my energy inwardly to make headway. I've built my entire life on top of fear, layer by layer. OFv3 has the difficult task of unraveling that big ball of knotted yarn. Six months won't be enough to finish that task. I'm pretty certain of that. But, I'm going to have to jump on the UMSv2 bandwagon at the six month mark. Although I expect certain circumstances to work themselves out to some degree, that's not something I can bank on. I need UMSv2 to guide me through a possible rough patch that may be coming in the near future. With any luck, that guidance will be significant enough that I'll never look back to where I am now. As tempted as I am to get a head start...right now... with UMSv2, I'm going to remain faithful to OFv3 until my run is complete. That should fall around mid-November.
