OFv2 - Only I will Remain

[NOMAD]

I've been having the week from hell also, as has my GF.  Interesting.

I'm not sure if I'm in the midst of a cycle or if I'm subconsciously manifesting scenarios that are forcing me to grow. Either way, it's a real pain in the ass.

My temper and my unwillingness to tolerate nonsense seem to be a side effect of fear reduction. My dad was an overbearing kind of guy. I wasn't allowed to question things. I wasn't allowed express myself. For an intelligent, curious, creative kid with a robust imagination, that's akin to choking the life out the soul. I used to act out when he would leave town for business. I feared him so much, that his presence was enough to keep me in check.  But the minute he left, the demon in me came out. Now that the fear is being handled, the restraints are being dissolved. Through fear, I silenced that part of myself. Now I have to learn to take the muzzle off and integrate that part of myself into the whole.

I don't hold any grudges against my dad. He did a better job with me than his dad did with him, but he also made a lot of the same mistakes. I make conscious efforts to do a better job with my kids. For the most part, I think I'm succeeding. Hopefully, they'll be better than I am and continue that upward trajectory through our lineage.