Natious on EPRHA again

[Natious]

Maybe she just likes you Ben.

But here's a thought I'm having recently (it's in line with being authentic, of course)

The thing is, I CRAVE junk food these days, but I'm eating healthy to "live longer/better" But what's the point? I'm punishing myself, in essence, just for some future that may never come. So, too, with being myself with people. I'm a deplorable sociopath at the core, and I believe people are picking up on that, so I'd better "own it" soon, lest I be discovered as untrustworthy, you know?

But then I'm thinking "ok, but a sociopath won't last long in the social/sales jungle" and so, I guess, I'm doing self-improvement out of fear. Fear that my basic self is someone that will be rejected, by everyone, and will die alone.

This is so profoundly powerful and is becoming a growing theme for me. What do you guys think?

Have you ever seen the two extremes or is it just me?

I think that it's the social programming that makes everyone afraid of showing their true selves. Since childhood most people are told what they should be instead of giving them good feedback on who they are. I highly doubt that you are a sociopath in the core, that would still be another mask that is produced by past trauma, even as seemingly insignificant as rejection.
Maybe give OF or the new EPRHA a shot after you are done with this one.