Been feeling quite tired and exhausted recently. Oddly I got some work done on the house today, which wouldn't really have happened on AM. Put up a few lamps and a curtain. Internally feeling really broken and hopeless, but I think, I really think that EPRHA is working on it and will help me understand why I am where I am. For some reason I have this urge to do stupid things and not think of the consequences from time to time, especially when drunk. Kind of why I don't want to let go of all the fears, because it might keep me in check. I wouldn't say that I'm a dumb person, I perfectly understand the consequences, yet there are these moments of "I don't care what happens to me". Although ending up in jail and the shame with it is still not what I want, I just don't often realize it at the time.
There are a few things what I never would have thought of about a year ago, but now the guilt/shame part seems to be a lot lower and I think some of my thoughts move at the wrong direction. But guilt/shame is still present in the important thoughts where I'd want to get rid of it.
EDIT: On a second thought, it might be because of my low self appreciation and self esteem. Apparently EPRHA works with that, so all I have to do is let it do it's job.
There are a few things what I never would have thought of about a year ago, but now the guilt/shame part seems to be a lot lower and I think some of my thoughts move at the wrong direction. But guilt/shame is still present in the important thoughts where I'd want to get rid of it.
EDIT: On a second thought, it might be because of my low self appreciation and self esteem. Apparently EPRHA works with that, so all I have to do is let it do it's job.
