My healing journey - E2, Cold showers, Root chakra meditation

[Greenduck]

I started to really see how my mother is an attention seeking sociopath. She can't really tolerate that other people are not focusing on herself. during dinner my dad and I have a conversation, or my dad tells a story, she just can't take it. She sits there breathing deeply, puffing like a damn dragon, twisting left and right and just demonstrating how much she dislikes whatever we do. Previously I got sucked into it but tonight I just didn't care even though it took some mental dedication. But it made me really realize how unhealthy she has been for me, because my whole life she has used me as a tool to comfort this sociopathic way of being and not letting me develop my own self-esteem and identity.

I'm really sorry to hear that. I realize there's a lot of stuff I've done that ate up people's attention and didn't really heal me, so reading this just kinda brings that to my head. Still it's gotta be rough. Yeah, an auric shielding would do you some good!

As long as you haven't raised a child and based his/hers upbringing on compensating your insecurities and didn't have the courage to meet yourself and start working towards the right direction, you are fine. Sounds like you want to improve and work on yourself and not just use other people to make you feel good, that's a good start.

Thanks. I'm still racked with guilt and shame from past behaviours and the consequences of those behaviours, so it's hard, but I want to become better. 

I'm sorry your mom is like that toward you and others. I hope you can get away from that negativity. Anyway, I'll say a prayer for you. Hope it helps.

It takes bravery to accept that you have failed and to start over. Cudos to you for doing so. Thanks.