01-24-2019, 03:24 PM
I had a really good talk with my mother for around 1,5 hour. It was up and down, but it was honest, just talking about everything and in a sense clearing the air without really having to talk about our own "positions". It was some kind of trustful, and we both listened to each other. It was really a good talk. In the past we had an open way of talking about things, that I though was lost, but tonight that was back. I really enjoyed the talk and I think she did too. (if you read the journal a couple of pages back you can see how far this have changed...)
We talked about why I got depressed and burned out, and about that I always had a hard time saying no to people and standing my ground. She talked about that she thought it was weird that I was so easy-going during my teenage years and I told her about how it actually was. I have had a problem in standing my ground to other people, but the reasons behind it are still a bit unclear. I think it may have to do with a fear of being left alone and that expressing anger was something I have been afraid of doing. The reason behind is that my dad is really bad at handling conflicts, and I think that I may have supressed it because of that. It got connected to Jordan B Peterson and on how he talks about integrating your "shadow" (supressed emotions) into yourself, and I think this is what is happening right now in my healing process, I am integrating all the anger into my Self and learning on how to use it, and how valuable it is to have.
We talked about why I got depressed and burned out, and about that I always had a hard time saying no to people and standing my ground. She talked about that she thought it was weird that I was so easy-going during my teenage years and I told her about how it actually was. I have had a problem in standing my ground to other people, but the reasons behind it are still a bit unclear. I think it may have to do with a fear of being left alone and that expressing anger was something I have been afraid of doing. The reason behind is that my dad is really bad at handling conflicts, and I think that I may have supressed it because of that. It got connected to Jordan B Peterson and on how he talks about integrating your "shadow" (supressed emotions) into yourself, and I think this is what is happening right now in my healing process, I am integrating all the anger into my Self and learning on how to use it, and how valuable it is to have.
