I just finished "mode one". I liked it. It was easy, not overcomplicated and put some real hard truths there. A good starting point on becoming more genuine and open with your desires and the way to interact with others. I will read it again. I got some eye openers on how I have been hiding behind fear, and trying to be more frieds with the girls and get them to like me, rather than to interact from my own desires and needs. I think this stems pretty deep as I have had problems with self-esteem and feeling that I "deserve to exist" which is a really fundamental thing to self-esteem. My desires and needs haven't always been fully appreciated in my home growing up and it's just now that I am learning that this are my birth-rights. Not in a domineering way to put my needs over someone else, but my right to have them and to express them in a healthy way. Previously I have regarded them altogether as something that was "ugly" or "egoistical", even just having them or feeling them, such as feeling anger and setting boundaries. ALL OF THIS SHIT FROM MY MF*CKING MOTHER. Sorry but that shit is really starting to come up now, so much freaking anger of not setting boundaries in the past that I realize now and how much I have been taken advantage of just because I didn't say no. As in the book he talks about that "A monkey can only sit on your back if your back is bent" and that is so true, it is up to me to make those changes and to set those limits, but what I am f*cking pissed about is my mother using her fear and her egoistical motives to limit me, just because she can't handle me setting boundaries, it's just so...egoistical. Purely egoistical. My resentment toward her grow every day and I think it will keep growing for a while until I'm able to overcome this and feel that I have restored my sense of inner balance and ability to set boundaries. It's a form an individualization I guess. But right now...phew, man I really hate that person. My whole body just hate her guts.
One thing I don't fully support in the book though is how he talk about using interest from other women to boost your own value to who you are currently seeing. I don't think this is sustainable, as it is dependent upon something outside yourself. Sure you are more desirable because of the demand/supply dynamics of the situation, but I think that you should make your attention the resource that is of a limited supply. You don't have to have other women to divide it between to make it limited, but learn to give it to yourself, and when you are giving it to a women it's limited because you are not currently giving it to yourself.
A quote from the book regarding what I talked about above.
Some other quotes that I however like especially was
I buy into this, because of the importance to learn to appreciate your own company, because otherwise you are just fleeing from being alone when seeking other people companionship.
Some real wisdom here
Interesting that your honesty will be looked upon as provocative, and that create attraction. I haven't really thought about it in those terms before.
One thing I don't fully support in the book though is how he talk about using interest from other women to boost your own value to who you are currently seeing. I don't think this is sustainable, as it is dependent upon something outside yourself. Sure you are more desirable because of the demand/supply dynamics of the situation, but I think that you should make your attention the resource that is of a limited supply. You don't have to have other women to divide it between to make it limited, but learn to give it to yourself, and when you are giving it to a women it's limited because you are not currently giving it to yourself.
A quote from the book regarding what I talked about above.
Quote:Always avoid giving a woman the impression that she is the only female who is interested in you romantically and/or sexually; Generally, women lose interest in you if they feel that they are the only ones who are interested in you. Interest from women attracts interest from other women. Women are most attracted to men who they know other women find appealing.
If you have two or more women interested in you, don’t try to hide that. If anything, emphasize it. Women tend to become more intrigued by you when they perceive themselves as being in ‘competition’ with other women for your attention, interest, and companionship.
Some other quotes that I however like especially was
Quote:The primary time I’ve had women express a high interest in me, only to see that interest diminish in less than a month later, has been times when I behaved as though I was too eager to be ‘exclusive’ with that woman. In my experience, I have found that women tend to perceive an overanxious attitude towards exclusivity as a sign of loneliness and desperation. Both are big turn-offs for most women.
I buy into this, because of the importance to learn to appreciate your own company, because otherwise you are just fleeing from being alone when seeking other people companionship.
Quote:Because for many women, and manipulative women in particular, when you criticize them, you’re acknowledging that they’re able to frustrate you, and get under your skin.
Some real wisdom here
Quote:What those women were really saying was that my behavior was too lenient and too accommodating. My behavior was not firm enough, or demanding enough. Even more specifically, my behavior was not provocative enough.
Interesting that your honesty will be looked upon as provocative, and that create attraction. I haven't really thought about it in those terms before.
