I'm starting to feel..grounded. It's hard to describe what it means, but it feels like I start to have somewhere to originate from. A place for my consciousness to take harbour, a place where my thoughts can land and take ground when after they are formulated and brought into awareness. No only floating around, constantly, taken away by the wind, but with some sort of purpose and ability to be real. This may sound abstract, I am aware of that, but it's the only way I can describe it right now. Being ungrounded is a horrible experience, and even more horrible experiencing for such a long time that I almost lost track of how things are when they are normal, but finally they are starting to become..more full of shapes and understandable.
I start to understand why I think the way I do, and can reason with myself again. I realize that the reason why I have so much problem with my mother is her reluctance to support herself emotionally. Her ability to make me feel like I am in the wrong all the time, just because she feel bad. And i KNOW that this is true. I don't doubt it anymore like I have been doing before, being swayed by her manipulative tricks and guilt-tripping. She feel like shit and she project it on me. That's it. And I had enough of it. My time spent in life is on my terms. No one will make me feel bad because they feel like shit without my consent.
I start to understand why I think the way I do, and can reason with myself again. I realize that the reason why I have so much problem with my mother is her reluctance to support herself emotionally. Her ability to make me feel like I am in the wrong all the time, just because she feel bad. And i KNOW that this is true. I don't doubt it anymore like I have been doing before, being swayed by her manipulative tricks and guilt-tripping. She feel like shit and she project it on me. That's it. And I had enough of it. My time spent in life is on my terms. No one will make me feel bad because they feel like shit without my consent.
