Been almost 1 month since i wrote last time. I have now run E2 for 3 months and almost 3 weeks.
I have had some really rewarding releases during the month, crying and just feeling the tension disappearing from my body. Crying, screaming, laughing, whatever I felt needed. Often in my car as I find this as "safe place"
My mood is overall very much better, I can focus and do stuff that previously would infuriate me. I can even enjoy some peoples company. I just feel more relaxed (I would never think that this would be possible). I don't feel fully grounded yet, but that is OK, and I know that I will if I just keep on working with my meditation practise and my TRE-exercises. As I'm not fully grounded, I'm also not so confident around other people, but this is also OK. I'm just more content and don't feel "on edge" like I was before.
Just going around in a store would be a big deal for me, being worried and just feeling uneasy, but that is no longer a problem. I love go doing groceries, planning to cook food, etc. I see the small things that I enjoy in life and build from that A couple of weeks ago I threw a birtday party for my own honor with around 15 people to whom I cooked, it went very well. Everyone was happy and impressed with my cooking and I sat around chitchatting and had a few good laughs. I have a trip planned in a couple of months with some friends which I really look forward to!
So - things are not great and "as they should be" but I feel OK and I am OK with the situation, which is HUGE progress and just being able to "be" is so valuable to me, from previously being torn and just being miserable. I am not so damn worried about being in social situations, I know it's going to be fine, previously I was scared to death just being around other people. I sleep better, even though I have some nightmares and feel pretty dizzy in the morning and a bit lost.
Oh yeah and my breath is much more full, I can really "breathe with my body" if someone can relate to this. And I have much more energy overall.
My mind is still cluttered, let's say functioning at 60 %, but this is still an improvement, as it previously was at maybe 20-25 %.
I am less interested in trying to convince people of my view at things, and are more fine with just having my view myself. That's a bit freeing, not needing to..hm..."turn people" or what you should call it, to my perspective all the time. I am fine with being the only one having my perspective, not needing others to see what I see. I guess this is a part of self-validation.
I have had some really rewarding releases during the month, crying and just feeling the tension disappearing from my body. Crying, screaming, laughing, whatever I felt needed. Often in my car as I find this as "safe place"
My mood is overall very much better, I can focus and do stuff that previously would infuriate me. I can even enjoy some peoples company. I just feel more relaxed (I would never think that this would be possible). I don't feel fully grounded yet, but that is OK, and I know that I will if I just keep on working with my meditation practise and my TRE-exercises. As I'm not fully grounded, I'm also not so confident around other people, but this is also OK. I'm just more content and don't feel "on edge" like I was before. Just going around in a store would be a big deal for me, being worried and just feeling uneasy, but that is no longer a problem. I love go doing groceries, planning to cook food, etc. I see the small things that I enjoy in life and build from that
A couple of weeks ago I threw a birtday party for my own honor with around 15 people to whom I cooked, it went very well. Everyone was happy and impressed with my cooking and I sat around chitchatting and had a few good laughs. I have a trip planned in a couple of months with some friends which I really look forward to! So - things are not great and "as they should be" but I feel OK and I am OK with the situation, which is HUGE progress and just being able to "be" is so valuable to me, from previously being torn and just being miserable. I am not so damn worried about being in social situations, I know it's going to be fine, previously I was scared to death just being around other people. I sleep better, even though I have some nightmares and feel pretty dizzy in the morning and a bit lost.
Oh yeah and my breath is much more full, I can really "breathe with my body" if someone can relate to this. And I have much more energy overall.
My mind is still cluttered, let's say functioning at 60 %, but this is still an improvement, as it previously was at maybe 20-25 %.
I am less interested in trying to convince people of my view at things, and are more fine with just having my view myself. That's a bit freeing, not needing to..hm..."turn people" or what you should call it, to my perspective all the time. I am fine with being the only one having my perspective, not needing others to see what I see. I guess this is a part of self-validation.
