Mr Steve's OF Journey

[Mr_steevee]

Cycle 2 - Day 5 & 6
Second cycle is done. The last few hours I had some up and downs. I am extremely tired and haven’t slept well last night so maybe it’s a good thing that this night is without OF. 

Somehow today I have the feeling that some anxiety is coming back. I feel a bit less secure in myself compared to the last days. I also got into some nonsense argument with my girlfriend. This has been always the case when some anxiety was triggered inside of me. We talked about it and now it’s fine again. 

Let's see what the break will bring.

Wishing you all the best and thanks for reading.

[Mr_steevee]

Cycle 3 - Day 1
This sub takes so much energy incredible and I can sleep forever. This night has been quite okay although I woke up directly after the loops were done. I felt really like if you would wake up after some terrible nightmare. However after 10-20 minutes or so it was gone and I was able to sleep again.

[Mr_steevee]

Cycle 3 - Day 2
Today I noticed that my interest in porn and masturbation the last days has been equal to zero. This is a great achievement for me.

[Shannon]

That is a very interesting report, but I suppose it should not be a surprise. I hadn't thought of that angle. I wonder how that will play out?

[Mr_steevee]

That is a very interesting report, but I suppose it should not be a surprise.  I hadn't thought of that angle.  I wonder how that will play out?

Me as well .. I can also cope much better with my own sexuality. Feels more like sexual freedom so to say. I have the feeling that OF clears randomly stuff .. so my question @Shannon would be: can I somehow clear a specific fear at will or do I need to wait until OF does the job?

EDIT: never mind found your answer already in your journal.

[Shannon]

It is definitely not random. But the algorithm it uses to choose what to work on is secret. Eventually it will get everything.

[Mr_steevee]

It is definitely not random. But the algorithm it uses to choose what to work on is secret. Eventually it will get everything.

I would love to know how that works but sure can understand your point. 
Tried to resolve a fear consciously but had no luck. Maybe I did something wrong or it doesn’t work. So I will wait for OF to do the job.

Cycle 3 - Day 3
My relationship is at its best at the moment. Much harmony, love and good feelings. Really enjoying that.  I think the word unconditional love is a bit too much but feels like it’s going in that direction.

[Mr_steevee]

Cycle 3 - Day 4 & 5 & 6

Not too much to report for the last few days except that this sub still makes me tired as hell. Usually now I sleep for about 10 h plus a short 1 h nap in the afternoon. Normally I need a solid 8 h sleep to be fully awake. 

Currently I am on vacation but not too sure if I can handle this when I have to work again.

[Mr_steevee]

OK Cycle 4 - Day 1

Today I am very moody. I slept for 11 hours but still feel tired. Unfortunately I woke up many times tonight.
This is really a bit annoying because I also do heavy weight training which requires some good sleep (and regeneration) as well. Some part of me already wanted to stop the sub but that’s definitely not gonna happen. I will keep on going. 

I do notice that some of my „nice guy“ behaviors are slowly being removed. Some of them are still there but it’s getting better more and more.

[vida]

OK Cycle 4 - Day 1

Today I am very moody. I slept for 11 hours but still feel tired. Unfortunately I woke up many times tonight.
This is really a bit annoying because I also do heavy weight training which requires some good sleep (and regeneration) as well. Some part of me already wanted to stop the sub but that’s definitely not gonna happen. I will keep on going. 

I do notice that some of my „nice guy“ behaviors are slowly being removed. Some of them are still there but it’s getting better more and more.

I have same experience, some of nice guy behaviours are being removed. Its doesn't make me aggressive just more practical in my responses.

[Mr_steevee]

OK Cycle 4 - Day 1

Today I am very moody. I slept for 11 hours but still feel tired. Unfortunately I woke up many times tonight.
This is really a bit annoying because I also do heavy weight training which requires some good sleep (and regeneration) as well. Some part of me already wanted to stop the sub but that’s definitely not gonna happen. I will keep on going. 

I do notice that some of my „nice guy“ behaviors are slowly being removed. Some of them are still there but it’s getting better more and more.

I have same experience, some of nice guy behaviours are being removed. Its doesn't make me aggressive just more practical in my responses.

Yes exactly. Feels quite good doesn’t it? Tried to get rid of these behaviors for a long time with little to no success.

[Mr_steevee]

Cycle 4 - Days 2 & 3
So last two days have been been quite normal mood wise. Of course my exhaustion level is still extreme. If I don’t drink two cups of coffee in the morning I get so tired in the afternoon that I am not able to work anymore. 

One more interesting thing: interest in social media (like WhatsApp, Facebook) has decreased intensively and I don’t miss anything to be honest.

[Mr_steevee]

Cycle 4 - Days 4 & 5

It seems to me that my interest in new things/hobbys is growing. Currently I am thing about getting a new guitar and refresh my guitar playing skills. My last time at the guitar is like 10 years ago. Also I am really interested in cooking/BBQ lately.
Really funny because in the past I could not care less. I don’t know if that’s related to fear being removed but if so that’s actually great.
Yet I am still tired but yesterday I survived with only one cup of coffee. Today I will try with no caffeine at all.

[Mr_steevee]

Cycle 4 - Day 6

So today is a good day :-) No exhaustion at all. I invited a friend of mine and we talked like 4 hours straight. OF definitely does something with your social skills. It certainly helps to improve them. Maybe it does not improve them but helps to develop those social skills. Nevertheless it’s great. Life is good right now. Now it’s time for the break I am really looking forward for the next cycles.