Mateunio's Life Tune Up 5G 3.1 Journal

[Mystic Pymp]

When you'll have girls everywhere being attracted to you then you would not mind for this little things. Because everywhere you go you'll have encounter like that and even better.

I know, that's why I don't bother with this much right now. It's like me planting seeds in my garden now instead of spring, guess with seed will bear the fruit Important thing is this encounter showed me how much anxiety is still with me and that I'll have to fight it. And I even have ideas on how to do it.

Third month summary

Here it comes again, my monthly summary. November was a good month, showed me that I am stronger than I believed and assured me there is hope and possibility for me to change. I wrote at the beginning of November that this will be very challenging month, and it was. Both physically and mentally I had to push myself further than comfortable. Lots of classes where I have to stay at the Uni until 21, emotional strains as well as long nights and dark days should have left me winded and at the edge of my strength. However despite the odds I am strong and optimistic! This November saw me in better condition than any other November before and vistas of what is to come in the spring in a few months leave me almost excited. So long, November, you'll be missed.

I've made this pledge last time and now I must answer what is its resolution. Well, it's bad to be honest. My eating habits would surely improved if not for the fact I was eating very irregularly because of my schedule. Because of that I lost 2 kg, but I'm not sure if it's good way to do it. I was trying to make sure my nutrition is good and my immune system seems to suggest it's good indeed, but I have my worries. Exercises were sparse and I didn't create a habit of doing some everyday (some squats at least!). Again, I blame schedule and lack of energy after coming back home. About learning, well, I could have done better as well, but I'm not disappointed. But hey, it's me, person who watches lectures while other flatmates play video games to relax

There will be only one pledge for December - I'll finish reading "Become an Alpha Male". I want to be prepared for AM run well, I want to know what mindset to expect from new sub as well as what behavior to encourage. I'm a little scared to be honest that I'll become jerk kind of guy, but with enough self-control and development I will change in alpha direction while staying true to who I AM. But that's topic for the future.

Now, what changed this month, inspired by LTU's bullet points:
-My self esteem and other selves improved, but not terribly so. I think I need either some kind of proof/event to support that claim, like losing 10 kg more or having awesome girl asking me out (or at least being very obvious about her intentions).
-Self discipline improved, procrastination lingers but is mostly harmless.
-Optimism is going through the roof, when I'm talking with my fellow students I must hide it not to look like a hippie or other crazy. I have my moods and sometimes I feel bad and hopeless, but it always disappears soon enough.
-Anxiety is still huge problem. Forcing myself to do things is possible, but most often than not when anxious I'm paralyzed and unable to do much.
-"Being a good person" - not that's funny. I thinking a lot about not being a douche, I hope it counts. With my increased socializing and confidence I often find myself worrying I might cross the line.
-Winner's mindset is on, the world is my oyster!
-Ego balancing is interesting as I find myself a bit anxious that I use to much "I", "me", "mine" in sentences.
-Socializing part in on, but extremely so. Not enough time and energy to do this right now.
-OGSF is star of the show, as always. I forgive myself easily and learn from mistakes instead of crying over the outcomes.
-Wisdom, maturity, taking responsibility and so on works well enough.
-Emotional healing took giant step this month, I've cleared a lot and even though there's still plenty to go through I'm more ready than ever to do so.
-Optimus Engine is second best thing in LTU after OGSF. It throws solutions at me and makes me use them, or at least consider them. If I'm ever to use program without it (WM :/) I will miss it a lot.
-Nail biting is still an issue, little to none progress made here. In this rate I think I'll have to be using bitter nail polish to stop this.
-Interestingly my sarcasm is on the rise. I've been sarcastic ever since I've started watching House M.D. countless years ago, but now everything is joke and cynicism for me. I have no idea what causes it, but as long as it doesn't harm me in any way I won't fight it.