03-16-2012, 03:37 PM
Cheers Shannon the speakers I have have a volume control so should be fine.
Well i
m about 5 days out from finishing stage 3 so I thought it was time I put down my monthly reflection.
I think i'm starting to understand AM at a deeper level. How its not about women at all and i'm starting to feel ok with having no women in my life as more than friends. Just looking back on where I came from I was in a very bad place. Was just about to lose my job, was spending all my spare time on dating sites trying to "get" women because I needed them to feel ok, was spending a lot of time on other distractions like porn and gaming and other ways to fix myself.
I now have not been on a dating site in over a month other than to shut down my profile, my work has been going great and i'm on track to a nice payrise in the next few weeks as well as possible promotions in the future, I'm out and about more, got back into the gym, hardly game anymore, don't even watch that much T.V, look at porn once in a blue moon and even then it does nothing for me and women are becoming a smaller part of my thinking on a daily basis. Unfortunately due to making women my sole focus for so long and also all the PUA crap I got into this has still got quite a way to go. At times I'm almost feeling as ok with myself as I did when I was with my ex which for me is huge and I hope that continues to increase more and more. I'm becoming less of a try hard and bragging less everyday now.
I still have a lot of fears that haven't been dealt with but thats ok progress is progress. I do miss the fun and flirtiness I had with girls but I know that was coming from a place of neediness and for me right now my priority is to get my life on track to where I want to be.
The vivid dreams have been back for the last couple of days as well. I had one last night where there was this girl from highschool that I met up with going on about how much of a cool guy I was and in this dream I knew I just wanted to be with her so without thinking I just grabbed her and made out with her.
I'm still very uncomfortable around girls I don't know well but that's fine at least i'm starting to be real and not trying to impress. I'm becoming more and more comfortable outside of home as well. Still very negative most of the time and quite introverted as well but again that's fine.
My brother has also commented on how much more relaxed I seem in the last two months.
Through all of this though I still don't really believe that subs work. I do know the proof is there but just can't believe it and keep saying oh that's just how I used to be years ago and there's been no real changes or its other things that are making me feel ok like not talking to my ex or therapy or just getting out and about but again this is ok and i'm just going to keep going listening.
Well i
m about 5 days out from finishing stage 3 so I thought it was time I put down my monthly reflection.
I think i'm starting to understand AM at a deeper level. How its not about women at all and i'm starting to feel ok with having no women in my life as more than friends. Just looking back on where I came from I was in a very bad place. Was just about to lose my job, was spending all my spare time on dating sites trying to "get" women because I needed them to feel ok, was spending a lot of time on other distractions like porn and gaming and other ways to fix myself.
I now have not been on a dating site in over a month other than to shut down my profile, my work has been going great and i'm on track to a nice payrise in the next few weeks as well as possible promotions in the future, I'm out and about more, got back into the gym, hardly game anymore, don't even watch that much T.V, look at porn once in a blue moon and even then it does nothing for me and women are becoming a smaller part of my thinking on a daily basis. Unfortunately due to making women my sole focus for so long and also all the PUA crap I got into this has still got quite a way to go. At times I'm almost feeling as ok with myself as I did when I was with my ex which for me is huge and I hope that continues to increase more and more. I'm becoming less of a try hard and bragging less everyday now.
I still have a lot of fears that haven't been dealt with but thats ok progress is progress. I do miss the fun and flirtiness I had with girls but I know that was coming from a place of neediness and for me right now my priority is to get my life on track to where I want to be.
The vivid dreams have been back for the last couple of days as well. I had one last night where there was this girl from highschool that I met up with going on about how much of a cool guy I was and in this dream I knew I just wanted to be with her so without thinking I just grabbed her and made out with her.
I'm still very uncomfortable around girls I don't know well but that's fine at least i'm starting to be real and not trying to impress. I'm becoming more and more comfortable outside of home as well. Still very negative most of the time and quite introverted as well but again that's fine.
My brother has also commented on how much more relaxed I seem in the last two months.
Through all of this though I still don't really believe that subs work. I do know the proof is there but just can't believe it and keep saying oh that's just how I used to be years ago and there's been no real changes or its other things that are making me feel ok like not talking to my ex or therapy or just getting out and about but again this is ok and i'm just going to keep going listening.
The only person in life that can ever hold you back is yourself. So get out of your own way and start living the life you always dreamed of
