LionMonkeys journey to become more of a real man with AM2011

[LionMonkey]

Stage 4 - Day 11,


I've become really detached. Like really! I'm less social and much more withdrawn and just doing my own thing most of the time. Recently, for the past one week, I am very rarely starting an interaction. I do put myself in situations where it would be natural to socialize and often times, people just start to talk to me.

Also I tend to question my questions, like.. hmm why should I not do this right now? or hmm.. this could be fun... or hmm.. what is limiting me from doing this? :idea:

It's like I have got an awareness of the boring normal things people do and maybe even have the timing of for example a kiss to be just be in a totally random and spontaneous timing and do it with intent, so I'll feel like I am doing it because I am in control, and I'll think.. why not?

It's really interesting to question things like these and I am starting to think that soon I'll just ACT upon these wonderings, besides.. I haven't felt any fear or nervousness when I questioned the things.. I just didn't do anything about it...

On the women side; there are 2 women in my class that is being just crazy around me, when I interact with them and laugh with them. They say things like, "sorry, I'm so tired today" or "sorry, I'm so lost right now" and I'm like.. "no it's great!".. I can tell they like me .. (I do, do affirmations about women and self-confidence on a daily basis, which may have an impact on this area too).

Now one of the girls I couldn't stop thinking about after our 1 hour interaction. Even though I knew it was unhealthy for me, it was already too late.. I had her in my mind and I probably was needy in some way throughout our interaction, since I was thinking about her that much :@
It may be that there was a moment where we stopped and looked each other in the eyes and she talked about something but I noticed her looking down to my lips and I had a very little intuition about it but didn't go in for a kiss and didn't really care about it afterwards.

I was doing homework the whole day after school and late night she send me a message on facebook about some invitation to a site we talked about and it was right when I logged on, so I was very authentically just writing out my thoughts at that moment and the few hours after that message I sent, I couldn't stop but keep looking back to see if she had responded.. I felt terrible.. So I went in and looked at some Brent Smith videos, which surprisingly was very effective to get me stop thinking about her that much. Next morning I was still thinking about her and also checked my facebook but as the day progressed the annoying feeling went away and I could also take my mind off her.

Next day again I was going to see her at class. On the way over there I pass her and greet her. Had a lot of fun and laugh with another girl in my class, sitting next to me and I was aware of that people were just looking at us like.. wtf? cool! or wtf? weird.. so I went to training, went home and checked facebook.. and I see a message sent from her, last late night, responding with a lots of smileys and to everything I've written about and 'see you tomorrow'.

Now I'm not going to respond to her before tomorrow and I really don't feel like wanting to either.. if I do.. I feel like it has to be a setup to meet outside school, or else it just feels like nonsense messaging..

It's mysterious how I, as a human being, work with my mind and emotions...

[LionMonkey]

Stage 4 - Day 15,


I've noticed my whole approach on things have changed. I'm less social and I have very little, if any motivation to start talking to people or to keep a conversation going. I sense a little strange feeling with this.

I'm in my own zone and I'll just do some of the things that pops up in my head - most of the things is just involving me and I'll do them spontaneously but not remember them very well.
People I talk to will tell me with uncertainty that they see me like a thoughtful, grounded and centered person and I'll have some fun with that.. but yeah.. obviously I am projecting some kind of centeredness and I've always have after have practicing martial arts for several years but it's like in this period of stage 4, it makes it even more serious as I'm talking about in this post...

Haven't experienced fear and nervousness for quite a while.

I see the people like.. I don't feel like desiring to intrude and not very curious, unless it's a woman I have had a connection with but I also don't care what they think of me. It's quite sad actually when I look at it out of the box because it's not dynamic as human nature but rather rigid and deviant/deprecating

Maybe I need to push myself more to the limits? Maybe my standards of my old self have raised and I have to be more creative and think and take action in to the direction I want to go?
My mindset is more like.. abundant and things will just happen to me but I haven't seen any proof, though it doesn't make me stop the habits I have to create the reality I visualize.. I'm just questioning some things...

It's actually having a little difficulty to remember how my old self was..

[LionMonkey]

Stage 4 - Day 16,


Last night I was talking with a beautiful, cute and crazy girl, 19 years old. It's funny how she told me about attraction. I know there are some guys in here that have a lot of experience in this, so it would be nice if some of you put some feedback to this.. The girl I talked with made it pretty clear to me how attraction is.
I was talking with this girl and her friend was talking with my friend. I liked this girls cuteness mixed with craziness and a bit of sexiness and I expressed my desire to her at a point, which she recognized that I was different and honest, a guy who she could talk 'girl' stuff with BUT she wasn't attracted to me anymore because I wasn't intriguing anymore when I gave her all the attention I think.. then she asked me some questions about my friend, I just said that she could ask him herself and then she explained to me;

"Everybody wants what they can't have. Your friends mannerism and the way he is isn't attractive to me but (maybe JUST maybe) because he doesn't pay me attention and doesn't answer me, when I ask him something, that intrigues me. It's like he thinks he is better than me and I want to show that I am better somehow because I am…"

Of course I thought it was a f***ed up view. She said, yeah.. but that's how it works in modern time..

And I saw her friend and my friend was both attracted to each other and you could see that they both wanted each other.
So I told the girl I was talking with, "I prove you wrong.. your friend is clearly interested in mine and he is paying a lot of attention to her."
Which she replied, "Yeah.. I think it's because they both have a girlfriend/boyfriend, so they are just seeing if there's something there."

I got quickly a thought of, hmm.. that's f***ing weird..
So you have to behave like you have a girlfriend or more, to let a girl "genuinely interested" in you..? A genuinely interaction that leads to something real?

So I got very bored at the table and with this girl and walked around to see if there's something interesting.. but there wasn't.. or at least I didn't notice.
I got really bored and I just didn't give a f*** and I annoyed the girl from before as HELL.. talked dirty to her as, "I wanna f*** you" and hugged her a LOT etc.. I actually wanted her to slap me and said it, lol .. really don't regret it but I told her friend to excuse myself for my behavior when we left.

I think I kinda got a epiphany right there. I thought back of the times where women would just DO CRAZY things to me ONLY because I really didn't give a f***. I didn't give them attention and I was just in my world and talked very little if any but it wasn't very fun either these times because I wasn't expressing myself into the world, I was more like a STILL MAGNET but the largest part of women likes it??…

I thought.. Ahaaa! first AFTER you have slept with her, that you can be all fascinated by her beauty and expressing your desire directly.

[Ryan]

Stage 4 - Day 16,


Last night I was talking with a beautiful, cute and crazy girl, 19 years old. It's funny how she told me about attraction. I know there are some guys in here that have a lot of experience in this, so it would be nice if some of you put some feedback to this.. The girl I talked with made it pretty clear to me how attraction is.
I was talking with this girl and her friend was talking with my friend. I liked this girls cuteness mixed with craziness and a bit of sexiness and I expressed my desire to her at a point, which she recognized that I was different and honest, a guy who she could talk 'girl' stuff with BUT she wasn't attracted to me anymore because I wasn't intriguing anymore when I gave her all the attention I think.. then she asked me some questions about my friend, I just said that she could ask him herself and then she explained to me;

"Everybody wants what they can't have. Your friends mannerism and the way he is isn't attractive to me but (maybe JUST maybe) because he doesn't pay me attention and doesn't answer me, when I ask him something, that intrigues me. It's like he thinks he is better than me and I want to show that I am better somehow because I am…"

Of course I thought it was a f***ed up view. She said, yeah.. but that's how it works in modern time..

And I saw her friend and my friend was both attracted to each other and you could see that they both wanted each other.
So I told the girl I was talking with, "I prove you wrong.. your friend is clearly interested in mine and he is paying a lot of attention to her."
Which she replied, "Yeah.. I think it's because they both have a girlfriend/boyfriend, so they are just seeing if there's something there."

I got quickly a thought of, hmm.. that's f***ing weird..
So you have to behave like you have a girlfriend or more, to let a girl "genuinely interested" in you..? A genuinely interaction that leads to something real?

So I got very bored at the table and with this girl and walked around to see if there's something interesting.. but there wasn't.. or at least I didn't notice.
I got really bored and I just didn't give a f*** and I annoyed the girl from before as HELL.. talked dirty to her as, "I wanna f*** you" and hugged her a LOT etc.. I actually wanted her to slap me and said it, lol .. really don't regret it but I told her friend to excuse myself for my behavior when we left.

I think I kinda got a epiphany right there. I thought back of the times where women would just DO CRAZY things to me ONLY because I really didn't give a f***. I didn't give them attention and I was just in my world and talked very little if any but it wasn't very fun either these times because I wasn't expressing myself into the world, I was more like a STILL MAGNET but the largest part of women likes it??…

I thought.. Ahaaa! first AFTER you have slept with her, that you can be all fascinated by her beauty and expressing your desire directly.

Lol of course women are more fascinated by men that ignore them. She was actually very honest to admit that to you, a lot of women wouldn't. And you get more women interested when you have a girlfriend because you don't care and you're more unattainable.

Ryan

[LionMonkey]

hmm..

Honestly I had a great connection with this girl when we looked each other in the eyes.

@Ryan, I've heard it a tons of times actually.. and yeah I told her I what I appreciated the most wast honesty and that's actually when she told be about these stuff after having asked questions.. it's just that I've always loved to express myself in a very living way (when it's a person I like) and they can do with it how they want but that's not good enough it seems.
It's like they want to do all the expressing. I just need to put myself in a situation where there's women and the rest will work out, lol.
I see that what I've done isn't working.

Self-control with women.. I guess that's what I need to work on


- LM

[LionMonkey]

Stage 4 - Day 21,


Life is real good. I've gotten from a place of thinking that I was ok or fine to being aware of that I've missed out the recent week.
I'm much less home, I'm going out to cafés to do my homework and I am also going to the movies more and to bars in the weekends.. much more dynamic and interactive with people, which means the social part is going upwards.

Very careless both for women because I make my own happiness but also just general.. I'll hum happily or sometimes sing and am just happy.. laughing out for myself when I feel like it or if it's a movie, I'll laugh unhinged like I was the only one in the room. Some cute women will also laugh out loud and I'll look at her and she'll look at me.. too bad she's with a dude. Girls want me to catch them looking and quickly look away - kinda contradicts with when I began stage 4 where girls would stare at me lol. BUT the latter is more dynamic and easier to do something about.

Women gives me these cute or frowning smiles, when I notice them and smile and when I talk to them they immediately sense that I am an insider, even though I first started out not knowing what that meant but when I get told things only insiders know and also by spending time around women, I'm much more aware of how the female is, which means I can choose to decide wiser choices to communicate with them on the same language


Heading out with ma buddies to the town this week and I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE WHAT KIND OF CRAZY SHIT IS GONNA HAPPEN!!

Life is goooooood!

[LionMonkey]

Stage 4 - Day 26,


I'm aware of the fact that I am able to not care what others think of my actions. The nice persona thing is wearing off and now I'm more humble and cocky but still with a comfortable vibe on the edge...

Some nights, when I'm about to go to sleep, I hear noises. I'm not sure if it's the ultrasonics aftereffects but it's something that has been happening to me since around the start of stage 4..
It's not like non-stoping screech but more like a turned on computers noise..


- LM

[Spiral]

I would say it's your speakers... and they may be going out. Just a thought.

[LionMonkey]

The noise is there when everything are turned off, even when I hold myself for the ears. It only happens at night when I'm going to sleep though...

[Spiral]

Hmm... I have not experienced this.. but maybe it's a wax build up. Have you been shooting guns lately? Maybe you bruised an ear drum. But the ultrasonics won't do that to you unless you have them up way too loud.. and you'll know if they are too loud. I would say go see a doctor if the problem persists. Other than that just don't worry about it.

[LionMonkey]

lol no matter how high I turn the volume on the speakers, my mom can't hear the ultrasonic sound :S

[LionMonkey]

Stage 4 - Day 29,


People respect me. I sing in the bus. I hum everywhere when I catch myself wanting to feel good. Battling with holding eye-contact as soon as I'm going to say something and holding it - stutter a little with the first words coming out of my mouth but then it's more likely spoken with confidence.

When I'm out with friends, I can do anything. Very forward with women and walking up to some ladies is a no biggie. I think I need to get to a higher level...

In the morning I was standing at a broad traffic light alone on my side. It turns green and I walk towards the other side and I suddenly notice that there is actually no one on my side and five women on the other walking towards me. I try to focus at the moment and not be too affected by the situation. Made me become self-conscious for a moment but as I walked slowly past them I could see and sense the women looking at me with a little smile and checking me out. Am I deceiving myself here??
I find it funny how I felt this strange butterfly-deep-down-in-the-stomach feeling when I noticed the women walking towards my direction, as if I was a Lion crossing the paths of some horses.


- LM

[LionMonkey]

Stage 4 - Day 31,


Hmm.. something strange has been happening to me this weekend while I'm out in the bars.

I have met women I've known and they all fancy me. Very smily and they give me a kiss on the chin. Never happened like this before. Also women I've just met will smile and give me light touches or my arm. Really sweet.

I'm in a much more chilling vibe, rather than the "wanting to have fun and doing things all the time", which I did last weekend and it was also fun to have this energy of, "FUUUN" but being chill and just looking around to see what kind of crazy shit is gonna happen tonight, seems to attract women much more efficiently.

I've noticed that women want my validation. They've initiated the contact again after I've said hi and whats up? They've been asking me if I think they are beautiful or if I don't find them beautiful and I've only interacted with them for like 5 minutes.
Like some kind of s*** test or something...


There's a thing I don't quite understand. I'm this honest straightforward guy, who doesn't know what to talk about, except for the person I am talking to. There's no subject that I find interesting to talk about, except the person. I think I'm much more of a person that feel things out and just taking action for something, but talking.. I don't fancy that, especially when it's just the same talk everybody says at a bar.

for example a girl said,
"I got a lip balm in my pocket"
and I say,
"Ohh really? I thought you had a dildo or something"

her: "that I also got and I also got no trousers on"
that girl was bold.


I enjoy confronting guys if they are in my space. Hmm.. not sure if I've always been like that but I definitely have told people to get out of my territory before.. but enjoying it, that's wicked

Also these nights at the bar, f***ed up types stealing and I got my mobil stolen, which I confronted the guys about but they couldn't even look me in the eyes.. and they wanted to go outside with their knives.. Some others who wants to fight and made a hit on one of the bartenders face. I tell you it's weird at the moment...

Right now, I don't see any changes from the subliminal. I'm not even sure what the hell this stage and Stage 5 should do to me.

Can anybody remember what significant change you had after stage 4 and stage 5?


You guys have a great time...


- LM

[Ryan]

Stage 4 was a big resistance stage for me too. I contemplated it all. Even in Sex Magnet. Keep going, you'll see all the effects in stage 5 and 6.