Life Tune Up...and let's see what happens...

[kyng009]

day 45 -the rapture

Half way to the recommended minimum 96 days. The resistance forces have successfully dug up some tough dirt from my past. This caused me to wake up with some form of a panic/anxiety attack. It was weird. Felt like suffocation, depression, helplessness, all rolled into one. I countered this with some binaural beats (11hz) with music, breakfast, and writing this post...and as I write, the attack has melted away. I also have the sub playing in ultrasonic as well. I feel calm now. wow, feel like I just went ten rounds against Ali with my hands tied behind my back tied to the corner post and someone told him I beat up his momma and grandma with photoshopped pictures.

I feel better now. That was rough. Maybe my change from carb loading to paleo has contributed to this attack. normally I would go outside and jog, jump rope, or anything but it is pouring rain.

-I have more determination
-I have more follow through
-I am initiating better life practices
-I am letting go of attachments
-I am able to envision a clearer path to accomplish some of my goals

I used to be an impatient person who needed results immediately but now I'm getting it...and I'm learning to enjoy the pain because I know it will lead to pleasure...not masochistically of course...that's just silly. I mean enjoy the fact that pain is a byproduct of pushing through the barrier to the next level of growth. and speaking of pain, I noticed that physical pain has been registering differently to me now. If I stub my toe, clip a corner, or any accidental bump which caused sharp pain is now more of an indicator. The pain is there, I acknowledge what happened, and then the best part, I say ow, take a breath, and move on. I used to sit there and rub the area and ask why me? but not anymore.

[kyng009]

day 51 - wrath

I was sick all weekend. I still have a headache. I also have been having fits of rage. I have been super impatient with myself and others. soo angry. I have switched over to a high protein diet which can contribute to the anger.

Everything is not rainbows and flowers. resistance happens.
My team mate told me the girl I had a crush on was flirting with him.
My client has stopped replying to my emails.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My client, I have no control over, just have to get more.
The girl I had(yes past tense now) a crush on will now need to be replaced with an upgrade.dejavu.
which sucks cuz I thought I was making headway with that one.

doing my best not to spiral downward...
I have been binging on youtube videos of billionaires and I have been studying them.

my friend just called me and needs a ride to pick up his car that broke down an hour and 15 min away. now he didn't ask, he assumed which is getting me pissed. he offered to pay for gas (um isn't that understood for 2.5 hours of driving). he's my friend of 15 years so I'm gonna help.

I'm thinking about getting drunk. I don't attend AA meetings because they depress me. I drink maybe 2-3 times a month lately at gatherings but tonight I want to drink to forget.

[kyng009]

I didn't get drunk. my friend said he would pay me and I said gas and lunch is cool. I don't know why I'm so nice bordering sucker sometimes.

[ArcticFox]

I guess your the sort of person who rarely asks for help - and if you do then your very polite and respectful when you do. A giver not a taker.

I hate when people don't ask for help but expect it. Typically if family call up with an issue they assume I will automatically help without asking and just tell me, its frustrating but I know I'm more sensitive about little things like that.

The thing I've noticed about subs is my lows seem to really take me off guard, and I start to panic a bit. I guess this is because they are less frequent then before and they were fairly constant and I just didn't realise. Now when I'm low and depressed I clearly see it, and I've been saying to myself "You are feeling depressed" when it does occur. Its actually nice as I then start to deal with the situation, write task lists, plan, message and chat to people, smile and cheer myself up. I put this largely down to my progress with E2.

It sounds like you are dealing with your lows well, avoiding alcohol is good but I understand when you get the moments where you want to let go. How long are you running LTU for?

[kyng009]

Day 60 - light clears a path

I originally planned on running ltu till xmas. I will re-evaluate my decision at month 6 which I will be listening till, at minimum.

I broke through two weeks worth of resistance. I notice that subs hit better when you listen both ultrasonic and masked with headphones, alternatively. The majority of my listening is speakers ultrasonic. The resistance was just a constant flow of bad memories, bad de ja vu, and just the opposite of good. I consciously did what I could to raise my vibration. pray rain, afformations, affirmations, in the moment meditation, favorite movies and past times. Well it seems my efforts have helped survive and break through.
I went to the grocery store and only got veggies, meat, hummus, and almond butter. In the past I would buy cookies, chips, and little extras but now its easier to choose healthy items.
Finally got back to the gym since running the half marathon. I noticed people watched when I went heavy. I also think a few girls were checking me out.
I won 240 gambling against a better player...I wasn't playing better, he just kept scratching or missing the 9 ball by a little.
I won 50 bucks from a slot machine. I received a 20 dollar slot free play voucher in the mail and played it when I gave my friend a ride to fix his car.
I'm pretty sure I overdid it in the gym...gonna be so sore tmr...but the funny thing is, I like it cuz I know I'm getting stronger.
I haven't had an anxiety attack in a while.
People are friendlier around me.
and I love my 3 month old nephew soo much...brings back memories of when my little brother was a baby. looks like him too.

Life is good to enjoy because everything is a miracle...everything.
there's like 5 quotes mashed in there...lol

[kyng009]

day 62 - resolve

I'm damn stubborn sometimes. I was so sore that I took yesterday off from everything. It was sunny and 75 degrees. I took my nephew for a walk, its usually how I get him to take a nap. I can't get enough of the sounds of a newborn. If anyone is good with babies and has some general tips on best care and development, its greatly appreciated. I'm gonna check all the popular websites after this post.

I think I dreamed about driving or maybe a de ja vu of it. I've been focusing on a new car lately, we will leave it at that because for some reason I have the belief that if I tell other people details of my creations, the creations get affected negatively by those I have told. so until I let this go, vague must still thy hunger of curiosity.

[kyng009]

day 65 - penance

I am journaling to record my progress...I needed to write that. so, I will start with the positives, even though I originally wanted to bitch, but once I started writing it changed. I think I met someone who can help with one of my dream goals in life. the projects he talked about lit an inspirational fire in my heart that I haven't felt in a long time. a tear came to my eye...so emotional...

I haven't slept yet since yesterday. I went to hang out with a group and in said group is a girl I like. when we first met, I was interested in someone else. 6 months go by, someone else was being stupid, so I moved on. now I start showing interest in group girl. Mixed signals. she's hugging and touching one day then arctic the next...last night starts out touchy and fun, then shots start flowing...I'm like ok, cool, maybe I can escalate this good vibe going on, but the rest of the group was still there. slowly, one by one people left. down to me, my friend ( who was trashed ), and the crush. My friend left, I walked him out, smoked a cigarette and when I came back...the girl I HAD a crush on was talking to some dude who hangs out there regularly. I'm like ok, he's a friend. 5 minutes go by, whatever. another 10 minutes go by...wtf... I standing by myself like some chode...now I'm like pissed...not at her, but at myself for getting played. I can't believe it. I have plenty of opportunities, but this girl was different. she was someone I thought I could settle down with. but I've seen her hanging out with that dude before I met her and people have said they have seen them hanging out together. I mean, I didn't see them hook up, but she's a private person.
so the advice I would give to others is the advice I must follow...UPGRADE! F THAT HO! Frig man...that really sucks! Freaking hurt me. I mean, rejection sucks.
I'm about to buy an aypg or myps. I blew off soo many girls to be with this one. three were hot...just not as smart.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't want to go back there but my friends like hanging out there...grrrr!

now that I have a commission coming soon, I can focus on a girlfriend.

[rayrocanaldo]

My goal is to have a four day work week. I'm willing to work hard on those days but I want a three day weekend. Right now I work 7 days at all hours and schedule my life around that...that stops now. I'm gonna figure it out.

(Why am I so lucky to have a four day work week and a three day weekend??)

Oh, currently only working 4 days a week and doing the same amount of work I would do in 7, just had to rearrange my schedule and priorities.

Amazing how quickly afformations work when you are willing to take action to bring it to fruition.
This took less than 10 days to achieve?!!

Don't you wish Shannon would just build one sub with afformations in them. Would be awesome. I'd love to see the effects of that.

[kyng009]

They could just be friends and I'm just over reacting. wait. she didn't say goodbye to me. so yeah...forget her. glad I found out now rather than later. man, I can't believe how much I'm affected by this. I guess I really liked her. past tense. I know I will find someone better. someone hotter, smarter, and hotter. yeah I said hotter. with money or a successful career and bam! I'm a happy man.

wish me good thoughts fellas...I'm ordering a potential wife from the universe!

[kyng009]

day 66 - the calling

I've been doing my homework and preparing for my first meeting with a potential business partner. He is younger, maybe 10 plus years my junior which is good because he is tech savvy. Gonna stay vague on this as not to jinx it.
I am buying an ice cream machine to start trying out some recipes. summer is coming and I want to sell my home made gelato and sorbet to make some extra cash. maybe turn into the next ben and jerrys. I plan on selling to businesses, at the beach, festivals (420 events must be a goldmine!), carnivals, ummm...where else can I sell gelato and sorbet? I used to be a pastry chef in trump tower and am confident in making a great product.

As to the girl I had a crush on that I keep droning on about. I did the usual move on rituals. I am a good 80% over it. I'm going to go look at Victoria secret girls...that helps me usually forget those girls who I'm forgetting.

ah the curse of an obsessive personality

[Vincent_Vega]

Love your results, man. Keep going.

[kyng009]

Love your results, man. Keep going.

Thanks man. Ltu can get rough at times but really so can life and I choose to develop myself, to better myself, just like everyone on this forum. We all know we want to better our situation and know that its gol dang possible.

[kyng009]

day 67 - damage

5G is rough. I have been getting opportunity after opportunity thrown in my face. Here's the thing, in the first 3-4 months of listening to subs I tend to come across the most resistance. up and down and around type sludge. after that benefits just zoom to the moon. that being said...all of these opportunities keep slipping through my fingers. They start out so well. I get so excited and happy, but then outta nowhere I get blind sided or they just disappear.

I know once I hit month 4 I will be at a better stage in my life and not because its life tune up but when I listen to subs in general that's been the case.

I have been noticing how much damage I have sustained over the years. drugs and alcohol, fighting, gambling, I know everyone has their own drama...and I'm just trying to better my situation.

Ok, back on track now...

ltu. is my life better now than it was 67 days ago? well lets examine.
love life. still single and looking
financial status. currently living off credit card with a potential commission coming hopefully before summer is over, dude is in no rush apparently.
family. we are closer now, not perfect, but at least we're talking

everything in my life, with my perspective leaning positive
so yes it is

[kyng009]

addendum to the prior

I want to make a clarification and discovery.
I want to clarify that when my mind is occupied on a task, I hyper focus and the rest of the world disappears. I love it. Here's the kicker...When I have multiple tasks I tend to get the paralysis by analysis and guess what happens then, I hyper focus on deciding what to do next.