Leonidas AM Journey

[Leonidas]

I am being the biggest, meanest and the baddest jerk you can imagine; I look at myself now and then I look at the person 3 months ago, i.e. before ASC and AM, what a difference.

I am angry for no reason, thought anger this time had hit me with a sense of pride and arrogance, unlike previously when I was down and feeling unworthy due to anger and all the other stuff.

Stage 2 is beginning is 8 days and it may bring in more, I am on a war with myself.

Bring It!

[soulfly1]

All I can say is: Hold on with the parents thing.

A few years ago I was struggling to start a business. Things weren't working out like I wanted them to work out, to put it short: there was no money coming in, only money going out. I had finished my bachelor at this point and I had been offered several lucrative jobs, but declined them because I believed in myself and I knew I would make a break. I was still living at home with my parents at this point. So on any random night, nearly every single one of them, one of my parents would bring up the subject and talk negative. I would snap, even up to the point of throwing plates around and leaving the dinner table. Every single night, again and again, we got into fights. Me believing in my dream, they being negative about it. I learned a very important lesson in that time:

-Believe in yourself and stick to the plan, nomatter what people around you say. Never ever give up.
-People who don't have your kind of attitude (i.e independence, never give up, 'i will achieve success nomatter what) will be negative and subconsciously sabotage you (they don't want you to achieve success because they didnt themself; subconsciously)
-The universe is going to test you mercilessly, don't let it stop you and continue moving forward fearlessly

This process of struggle and resistance continued for almost two years. Then something critically happened and changed the dynamic. Nowadays, my parents are quite proud, because they see money coming in nowadays.

You are lucky that you have AM pushing you forward, I had nothing but myself to rely on. So just hold on, learn from the experience and cherish the strenght that is building inside.

[Leonidas]

This feeling or better this state of mind I have right now can only be compared to the time in my life when my Girlfriend left me, it was years 4 ago, I was nothing but a lost soul then, when I came out of it, I was a changed person, then I again I slipped, I have been ignorant of the value of my life. And now that I have AM to guide me, I'll return 100X stronger than ever before.

6 more days to go, I am so excited for Stage 2!

Meanwhile, made up with parents again, this is happening third time in this month. It's certainly a rocky road ahead.

[Leonidas]

Bloody damn feelings :@ grhhhh...

Today I was introduced to loneliness, we met twice, first when I was attending the lecture, I felt a strong need to connect, I was almost on the verge of tears, we met again, this time in the public transport when I saw a cute couple, tears filled my eyes.

All the anger I have been feeling since starting AM is no where to be seen. F*&^ you has turned into F79* me.

Right now I just want somebody beside me to whom I can open up, and connect on deeper levels.

Loneliness and me were good friends once, 4 years ago, but we broke for good.

[Leonidas]

Bloody damn feelings :@ grhhhh...

Today I was introduced to loneliness, we met twice, first when I was attending the lecture, I felt a strong need to connect, I was almost on the verge of tears, we met again, this time in the public transport when I saw a cute couple, tears filled my eyes.

All the anger I have been feeling since starting AM is no where to be seen. F*&^ you has turned into F79* me.

Right now I just want somebody beside me to whom I can open up, and connect on deeper levels.

UPDATE:

Just when I wrote this post and went online to chat with some people, just to lighten up a bit, I met a girl, we conversed for about 4 hours, oh boy! don't I connect with her, huh, how life gives you what you ask for, it's very funny sometimes what happens when.

[Leonidas]

Everyday brings in new things no matter what, today's highlight has been me feeling disgusting about my body, I lost around 40 pounds six months ago, I have put on half that weight now. My clothes, most of them, I can't see them, I just want to burn them right now. I can't stand my hear cut too, all these things are itching me very very badly.

So bad that I am literally shouting in my head - I WANT TO BREAK FREE!!!

The girl I met online, she's definitely some sort of manifestation, I chatted with her way too much, almost 8 hours, and that too in a day, damn I needed it, someone to open up and connect with, all the time she kept on passing compliments after compliments, I wish I just can go and bang her right now

[FluffyBunny]

Everyday brings in new things no matter what, today's highlight has been me feeling disgusting about my body, I lost around 40 pounds six months ago, I have put on half that weight now. My clothes, most of them, I can't see them, I just want to burn them right now. I can't stand my hear cut too, all these things are itching me very very badly.

So bad that I am literally shouting in my head - I WANT TO BREAK FREE!!!

The girl I met online, she's definitely some sort of manifestation, I chatted with her way too much, almost 8 hours, and that too in a day, damn I needed it, someone to open up and connect with, all the time she kept on passing compliments after compliments, I wish I just can go and bang her right now

Just do a pantheon R and jump to her place

is she really far from you?? if not just make an excuse for her to come over to ur place.

[Leonidas]

Everyday brings in new things no matter what, today's highlight has been me feeling disgusting about my body, I lost around 40 pounds six months ago, I have put on half that weight now. My clothes, most of them, I can't see them, I just want to burn them right now. I can't stand my hear cut too, all these things are itching me very very badly.

So bad that I am literally shouting in my head - I WANT TO BREAK FREE!!!

The girl I met online, she's definitely some sort of manifestation, I chatted with her way too much, almost 8 hours, and that too in a day, damn I needed it, someone to open up and connect with, all the time she kept on passing compliments after compliments, I wish I just can go and bang her right now

Just do a pantheon R and jump to her place

is she really far from you?? if not just make an excuse for her to come over to ur place.

She's in other country brother, though this made me smile

[Leonidas]

People are passing random comments like:

'Are you sick?'
'You have regressed all the progress you made in the past year'
You look like a patient'
'You don't to make any friends, you don't want to work, what's up bro?'

..and I can't deny them because there's a fair bit of truth in all of them.

I am tired all the time, I am sleeping 12 hours a day, if not more. My writing wore out to quite a degree.

I see now why Shannon wants AM 6 as level 2, it's gonna be way to tough to handle for some people and dropout rates would be very high.

Stage 2 in 3 days..I can't even say I am looking forward to it..leepy:

[FluffyBunny]

Woah dude.
interesting effect... i was quite depress too in my first stage. and half of second stage
just hang on there. its for sure worth it . reason i was able to handle it well is because i was super depress in high school lol. so it was quite a familiar thing

come play some league with me HAHA
im in north america
i usually troll all the time for fun

[Leonidas]

Woah dude.
interesting effect... i was quite depress too in my first stage. and half of second stage
just hang on there. its for sure worth it . reason i was able to handle it well is because i was super depress in high school lol. so it was quite a familiar thing

come play some league with me HAHA
im in north america
i usually troll all the time for fun

I was super depressed in high school as well.

And, what do you mean you troll all the time for fun? Do you think I was trolled? We did video chat over Skype :

[FluffyBunny]

i asked her to dance with me.. while my legs were shaking.
she said Yes.
it was amazing dance. the eye contact we were just gazing deep into each other...
but later i had no balls to talk to her for the next 4 month..
4-6 months later i asked out my crush.
i got rejected. Haha. that was the catalysts of my journey .

you know on league .? i would play like blitzcrank on ARAM . and just go full ap LOL.
nono... i mean i troll around in the game.

wait u did? skype video with that chick? thats good , did u guys get naked?

[Fonzy3]

Hey man I hope you're ready for stage two, heard it's a tough but fulfulling one. I got a sense that this program is going to have great affects on you after all this. Appreciate the updates.

Thanks

Fonzy

[Leonidas]

i asked her to dance with me.. while my legs were shaking.
she said Yes.
it was amazing dance. the eye contact we were just gazing deep into each other...
but later i had no balls to talk to her for the next 4 month..
4-6 months later i asked out my crush.
i got rejected. Haha. that was the catalysts of my journey .

you know on league .? i would play like blitzcrank on ARAM . and just go full ap LOL.
nono... i mean i troll around in the game.

wait u did? skype video with that chick? thats good , did u guys get naked?

The catalyst for my change is somewhat similar too.

You are talking about getting naked, huh? She asked me how could she please me.