08-19-2019, 03:52 PM
I'm not gonna dance around this, I felt like I needed to say it. I was super close today to calling it quits all together from these subs. I kept thinking, what if there's a better way? What if Shannon's subliminals aren't the best for me? No disrespect, it's just that I feel like I'm flying blind here a bit. I've always prided myself on understanding how my own mind works, but experience has shown me I don't have a clue. So realizing that and then adding subliminals into the equation, there's just a lot of doubt if things are actually working for me.
I'm not quitting. I'm trying harder to keep pushing myself past my sticking points. For me that means a lot of anxiety and headaches. I've tried for a while now to figure out how to execute this sub in a way that doesn't cause intense discomfort, but I haven't found it. Every time I go that route I slip up and don't move forward. So instead of trying to avoid these, I'm just accepting that they may be a part of the growth I just have to grit my teeth and work through. I don't like it and I wish my intense fears didn't make me reject positive changes. But I haven't been able to find anything that works for me.
I hit a real low this past weekend. I was working on some music and enjoying myself. In that moment I felt so fulfilled, no worries, life just made sense to me. But it was sunday and as it hit 6 oclock my mood plummeted. The realizations hit me that I wasn't anywhere close to making music a full time thing, I was still stuck in a job I didn't really care for, and I wasn't doing that great financially. I just felt defeated to be honest. I don't have crazy aspirations in life, I just want to enjoy my damn life. Why is that so hard?
Yeah on paper you could probably list all the reasons I don't feel fulfilled, but what's really missing is why I have so much trouble just changing those things. Take getting a new job for example. Seems like a simple concept, but really there's like a thousand different things that make that so hard for me. The biggest one being the fact that I still haven't beat social anxiety or my avoidant tendencies. It took me almost a year in this job just to start being somewhat comfortable and I'm still not all that great. It's crap like that that just makes my life more difficult than it needs to be.
I'm not quitting. I'm trying harder to keep pushing myself past my sticking points. For me that means a lot of anxiety and headaches. I've tried for a while now to figure out how to execute this sub in a way that doesn't cause intense discomfort, but I haven't found it. Every time I go that route I slip up and don't move forward. So instead of trying to avoid these, I'm just accepting that they may be a part of the growth I just have to grit my teeth and work through. I don't like it and I wish my intense fears didn't make me reject positive changes. But I haven't been able to find anything that works for me.
I hit a real low this past weekend. I was working on some music and enjoying myself. In that moment I felt so fulfilled, no worries, life just made sense to me. But it was sunday and as it hit 6 oclock my mood plummeted. The realizations hit me that I wasn't anywhere close to making music a full time thing, I was still stuck in a job I didn't really care for, and I wasn't doing that great financially. I just felt defeated to be honest. I don't have crazy aspirations in life, I just want to enjoy my damn life. Why is that so hard?
Yeah on paper you could probably list all the reasons I don't feel fulfilled, but what's really missing is why I have so much trouble just changing those things. Take getting a new job for example. Seems like a simple concept, but really there's like a thousand different things that make that so hard for me. The biggest one being the fact that I still haven't beat social anxiety or my avoidant tendencies. It took me almost a year in this job just to start being somewhat comfortable and I'm still not all that great. It's crap like that that just makes my life more difficult than it needs to be.
INFP
