08-07-2019, 03:06 AM
(08-07-2019, 02:54 AM)mat422 Wrote: I feel terrible. The only way I can put it. I'm getting those feelings again that I haven't grown as much as I've thought. I'm getting very dissapointed in how much time I'm losing working at a job that doesn't even pay me enough to afford rent somewhere. But I'm more dissapointed that I keep staying here because I'm too afraid of going somewhere else. Whatever confidence I had in my skills is gone. I need more money but I also don't want to take on additional ***** like this job has taught me. When work starts leaking into every day life. I don't care about this company at all, but there's an overall vibe that it's the most important thing in your life when you're working here. I hate it.
Just needed to vent a little. That's where my head is at right now. I've always struggled with the idea that I'm a capable person. I always feel like I'm behind. But lately the fear isn't driving me to improve. Instead there's complete apathy. If something doesn't align with me I feel completely apathetic to it. There's no drive or internal motivation to solve issues or learn new things at my job because to put it bluntly I don't care. I guess you could say I'm dealing with some depression right now and I'm just going through the motions of this job
Hmm... maybe you should quit? Although I dunno what else you'd do for money. Maybe once you're done with LTU5, move onto UMS so you can quit your shitty job and do what you like. And remember: YOU CAN MAKE IT AS A MUSICIAN. YOU CAN DO ANYTHING. I know that shit sounds corny and cliche, but it's true. If there's anything learned on this site, it's that you are capable of doing whatever you want. Maybe ask Shannon for advice? That guy seems to know a lot.
