07-14-2019, 06:17 AM
Eeesh, that was a lot I unloaded last night. I'll leave it up, but it's a mess. A lot of conflicting emotions in that post.
I'm not going to loop LTU all night like I had originally planned. I think that was another attempt to derail me. I'm currently playing an as needed loop right now and it's stabilizing my mind. I'm seeing that this fear is not a hard "push through at all costs" type of situation. No it benefits me to go deeper, explore these fears, see what stops me. Because I keep thinking of LTU as this really far off distant goal, but it's not. It's here, I just keep running because of fear. It's working and it's going to work even better and as Shannon has said a few times, that level of power is what scares the part of me that's afraid of change.
I've been working around the fear. That one day mentality. Not that I don't believe it's possible, but rather I am putting it off. If I were to live the reality I want right now, I could have it. It's like tiny improvements here and there, but there's this massive chunk that is being left out. Frustrations at things not coming together, but the fact is I haven't assembled all the pieces yet. It's a strange feeling, being fully conscious of your unlimited capacity but a small part says "no" and it halts. My first reaction is to push harder, but as I've come to realize that small part has a surprising amount of strength for reversing progress. So I need to address that part.
I'm not going to loop LTU all night like I had originally planned. I think that was another attempt to derail me. I'm currently playing an as needed loop right now and it's stabilizing my mind. I'm seeing that this fear is not a hard "push through at all costs" type of situation. No it benefits me to go deeper, explore these fears, see what stops me. Because I keep thinking of LTU as this really far off distant goal, but it's not. It's here, I just keep running because of fear. It's working and it's going to work even better and as Shannon has said a few times, that level of power is what scares the part of me that's afraid of change.
I've been working around the fear. That one day mentality. Not that I don't believe it's possible, but rather I am putting it off. If I were to live the reality I want right now, I could have it. It's like tiny improvements here and there, but there's this massive chunk that is being left out. Frustrations at things not coming together, but the fact is I haven't assembled all the pieces yet. It's a strange feeling, being fully conscious of your unlimited capacity but a small part says "no" and it halts. My first reaction is to push harder, but as I've come to realize that small part has a surprising amount of strength for reversing progress. So I need to address that part.
INFP
