LTU: Moving forward

[mat422]

At home now and was trying to unwind with some TV. It didn't work. I think the worst part about anxiety is how it ruins everything else. So I put on LTU because I felt like I was in an anxious loop and couldn't relax. So far it's like the fear is being squeezed out of me while listening. Like all the crap that's been on my mind is being let go of. It definitely helps in the moment. When I'm in the grips of anxiety trying to use logic doesn't work for me. No matter how much I assure myself what I'm afraid of isn't a big deal or how I should stop worrying, it doesnt do anything. I'm not gonna lie when I get like that its really painful. For two reasons. One, I feel I can't handle this stuff like everyone else and my threshold for what I can tolerate is low. Two, the ongoing fear is just psychologically torturing to me. I can't do anything, it just feels like I'm paralyzed.

I think just deep down I still have a very strong fear of people's perception of me or I'm sensitive to rejection or something. No matter how much I tell myself it doesn't matter, it does. And when I've got a lot of triggers hitting me at once with regards to anxiety its hard to keep myself under control.

But ltu does help a lot. Oddly enough when I get like this and put it on I feel like I need to cry. There's an emotional release there I can't access without it. Without ltu it feels like I have a bunch of stuck energy in my body that cycles around and makes me feel overly wired or on edge.