06-09-2019, 06:32 PM
(06-09-2019, 10:44 AM)mat422 Wrote: Was having a rough day today. This business trip coming up reminded me I'm constantly being subjected to stuff in my life I'm tried of. So I popped on LTU. Something about being conscious while listening must have made me more aware of how I respond to negative thoughts and anger. I've realized I try to stop them, but really I just bury them and they still play in the background. I realized I have to let these things flow because they are me, but control how I react to them and how they influence me. Not controlling the emotion, that's a futile thing. That's been my mistake for years, thinking I have to feel a certain way or avoid certain feelings.
So I'm feeling intense anger. I'm trying to think positive but at the same time another part of me is shouting that it doesn't care. The money doesn't matter, the job doesn't matter, all that matters is time and experience and I'm losing those going down this route. It's pissed at society, the conditioning causing people to engage in the rat race of life, and people taking advantage of me. That last one. I consider myself a responsible person. Meaning I keep my anger under control and don't explode on people. But i know one of these days someones gonna push me the wrong way and I'm going to let them have it. And you know what? I'm done feeling guilty about it. Moving forward if people want to disrespect me I don't care about being a "good" person. I'm done. For the time being all this anger is leaking to the surface. I sure as hell won't push it back down, I'm going to process it and I imagine it will be a little shaky at first given the fact I've gone close to 10 years not addressing this.
Good for you. Your post falls in line with what I’ve been reading on a concept in psychology known as shadow self integration, or something like that, where one seeks to learn to work with their negative emotions and identity instead of suppressing their “darker” half, so they can ultimately become a “whole” person as opposed to a perfect one.
