06-06-2019, 03:52 AM
So I've been reading more into reality manifesting, like Neville Goddard and all of them. I've been trying hard to improve my life, but it hit me yesterday that I was doing it out of insecurity. Nothing was ever good enough, I felt like I had to be this pillar of success, that I had to transcend all my demons and be this super being. Even with LTU, there's always been this subtle pressure from myself to make it work.
So all that being said, I'm never going to find happiness if I can't consider myself worthy of what I want. It's not that I haven't been trying hard enough, visualizing everything, etc. It's the simple fact one side of me wants these things and another part thinks I'm not good enough to have them. So long as that part of me still believes I don't deserve better things, I'll constantly be rejecting a better life. So I'm going to be focusing on raising my self worth more and beginning to accept I deserve good things in life instead of constant struggle.
That means not working in jobs that stifle me, not beating myself up over my music, not rejecting friendships because I think people will dislike me, not going after goals as a way to prove my worth. I've realized a lot of how things played out in my life was due to a deep internalized dislike of myself and very low self worth.
Obviously this realization alone isn't going to change things. I have to actively affirm how I want to treat myself and make it a habit to reject the negative and enforce the positive.
So all that being said, I'm never going to find happiness if I can't consider myself worthy of what I want. It's not that I haven't been trying hard enough, visualizing everything, etc. It's the simple fact one side of me wants these things and another part thinks I'm not good enough to have them. So long as that part of me still believes I don't deserve better things, I'll constantly be rejecting a better life. So I'm going to be focusing on raising my self worth more and beginning to accept I deserve good things in life instead of constant struggle.
That means not working in jobs that stifle me, not beating myself up over my music, not rejecting friendships because I think people will dislike me, not going after goals as a way to prove my worth. I've realized a lot of how things played out in my life was due to a deep internalized dislike of myself and very low self worth.
Obviously this realization alone isn't going to change things. I have to actively affirm how I want to treat myself and make it a habit to reject the negative and enforce the positive.
INFP
