06-03-2019, 02:38 PM
I feel like I'm going through a transitioning point. I was always super self conscious, concerned about fitting in, trying to fit in, trying too hard to just live my life. But no matter how hard I tried it never worked and it never felt right either. On my drive home I basically thought to myself I'm tired of these "rules" that I was forced to obey. The expectations of how you're supposed to behave, do, think, act, etc. I say it's a transitioning point because I'm not quite there yet in the idgaf attitude. The sentiment is there, but not my actions or subconscious reactions. So this in between part has me oscillating between the extremes. Not quite being fulling independent from that control, but not exactly fitting in either.
But I feel a stronger sense of identity in myself as a conscious being. And understanding what life really is and how important it is not to stifle my own soul. I used to think I failed somehow. But I see now I just wasn't supported, I wasn't understood, my very nature is foreign to most people.
There's a strong feeling of wanting to leave this current reality behind. But at the same time the fear of the unknown stops me. I feel like I can sense it, almost touch it. But I can't get "into" it. I no longer see it as impossible, but it's just a matter of embracing it and allowing it.
But I feel a stronger sense of identity in myself as a conscious being. And understanding what life really is and how important it is not to stifle my own soul. I used to think I failed somehow. But I see now I just wasn't supported, I wasn't understood, my very nature is foreign to most people.
There's a strong feeling of wanting to leave this current reality behind. But at the same time the fear of the unknown stops me. I feel like I can sense it, almost touch it. But I can't get "into" it. I no longer see it as impossible, but it's just a matter of embracing it and allowing it.
INFP
