05-16-2019, 05:40 PM
Yesterday was brutal. Woke up dead tired. It continued throughout the day then I developed a headache. Came home, ate, and went to sleep at 7pm. I was shot. It felt like I was in this paralyzed state of anxiety where I couldn't calm my nerves. Followed me into today. I got to work today and was sitting in my car because I got there early. I kept imagining what it would feel like to turn that key in the ignition and just leave. That sense of freedom.
Anyway I got legitimately upset today. Some part of me really hates being at this job and makes it hard for me to get stuff done. But it pisses me off because it's also afraid of the alternative. So what we have is basically a stalemate where we're both subjected to never ending anxiety with no resolution. My only real option is to keep listening to LTU and trying to break out of this. I'll say this, it's not easy. And no matter how hard I try to get all parts of me in alignment with one common goal, it seems impossible. So I'm basically just dragging whatever parts along, I really don't have time to wait anymore. I'm in control, I choose my own actions. It might be more difficult to get stuff done, but I'll do it.
Anyway I got legitimately upset today. Some part of me really hates being at this job and makes it hard for me to get stuff done. But it pisses me off because it's also afraid of the alternative. So what we have is basically a stalemate where we're both subjected to never ending anxiety with no resolution. My only real option is to keep listening to LTU and trying to break out of this. I'll say this, it's not easy. And no matter how hard I try to get all parts of me in alignment with one common goal, it seems impossible. So I'm basically just dragging whatever parts along, I really don't have time to wait anymore. I'm in control, I choose my own actions. It might be more difficult to get stuff done, but I'll do it.
INFP
