04-27-2019, 10:02 AM
@ResJudicata Thanks. You as well.
@EvolvingPhoenix I don't think USLM would be of any help. I'm in this situation because of a complex spiderweb of issues that led me to decisions that resulted in where I am now. LTU is definitely the answer, it's just a matter of getting in alignment with the goals instead of running from them.
@findingme This is good to hear. I guess I'm just battling with what it's pushing me to do.
I think I'm making progress with LTU. I had a moment today where I realized my emotional turbulence was not in fact healing or letting go of things, but rather an internal focus that kept me stuck. Those emotions are a reaction to a deeper set of beliefs held within my subconscious mind. For example, when I think of work I automatically feel stress and anxiety because I've now conditioned myself to expect something to go wrong or to be criticized. But that's just a pattern I'm executing within my mind, not the truth of what happens there.
The same goes for the music. I've dealt with a lot of frustration and perceived failure with that. So now every time I create my mind has a tendency to playback the pattern of sucking at it and hating my own work.
And change. When I think of improving with subliminals or fundamentally changing my life I immediately play out the pattern of all the emotional turbulence and pain I felt in the past trying to grow. The feelings of hopelessness, the fighting for control, the exhaustion, etc.
Bad programming so to speak. But what I've really realized is how the frustrations in my life are my own creations. I'm reacting to the events created by my subconscious after the fact I execute that bad programming. Then attempting to rectify those vs hitting the root and stopping this stuff at the source.
The biggest one that I've dealt with is self worth. Doing everything in my power to "fix" myself. Everything done through the filter of being broken or incapable somehow, but I'll try anyway. The thing is, the trying was always doomed to fail. Basically because I aligned the circumstances to fail in the first place. In that respect I've actually been really successful at my goal of being totally incapable of everything. To have that amount of sheer focus and belief and have things always self destruct on yourself, it pretty much highlights how influential we are in our own lives.
Ultimately this is all choice, whether I accept I have control or don't, either one is a choice. So it makes more sense to tell myself I do have control. And if it is a choice that means the emotional pains of the past are just echoes of deeply internalized beliefs that can simply be let go of and replaced. No chasing down cathartic breakthroughs, emotionally hurtful past events, digging through old trauma, etc. Those are the byproduct, not the cause of the pain.
In a way I've constructed my own labyrinth. I've always been searching for happiness, answers, some kind of deep profound breakthrough that would set me free within that labyrinth. But it was never constructed in a way to give that to me. That was always the trap, an extremely myopic view with patterns and behaviors that would always lead to the same result regardless of what I did. Finding the answers in there was a lost cause, what I really needed to do was remove myself from it.
@EvolvingPhoenix I don't think USLM would be of any help. I'm in this situation because of a complex spiderweb of issues that led me to decisions that resulted in where I am now. LTU is definitely the answer, it's just a matter of getting in alignment with the goals instead of running from them.
@findingme This is good to hear. I guess I'm just battling with what it's pushing me to do.
I think I'm making progress with LTU. I had a moment today where I realized my emotional turbulence was not in fact healing or letting go of things, but rather an internal focus that kept me stuck. Those emotions are a reaction to a deeper set of beliefs held within my subconscious mind. For example, when I think of work I automatically feel stress and anxiety because I've now conditioned myself to expect something to go wrong or to be criticized. But that's just a pattern I'm executing within my mind, not the truth of what happens there.
The same goes for the music. I've dealt with a lot of frustration and perceived failure with that. So now every time I create my mind has a tendency to playback the pattern of sucking at it and hating my own work.
And change. When I think of improving with subliminals or fundamentally changing my life I immediately play out the pattern of all the emotional turbulence and pain I felt in the past trying to grow. The feelings of hopelessness, the fighting for control, the exhaustion, etc.
Bad programming so to speak. But what I've really realized is how the frustrations in my life are my own creations. I'm reacting to the events created by my subconscious after the fact I execute that bad programming. Then attempting to rectify those vs hitting the root and stopping this stuff at the source.
The biggest one that I've dealt with is self worth. Doing everything in my power to "fix" myself. Everything done through the filter of being broken or incapable somehow, but I'll try anyway. The thing is, the trying was always doomed to fail. Basically because I aligned the circumstances to fail in the first place. In that respect I've actually been really successful at my goal of being totally incapable of everything. To have that amount of sheer focus and belief and have things always self destruct on yourself, it pretty much highlights how influential we are in our own lives.
Ultimately this is all choice, whether I accept I have control or don't, either one is a choice. So it makes more sense to tell myself I do have control. And if it is a choice that means the emotional pains of the past are just echoes of deeply internalized beliefs that can simply be let go of and replaced. No chasing down cathartic breakthroughs, emotionally hurtful past events, digging through old trauma, etc. Those are the byproduct, not the cause of the pain.
In a way I've constructed my own labyrinth. I've always been searching for happiness, answers, some kind of deep profound breakthrough that would set me free within that labyrinth. But it was never constructed in a way to give that to me. That was always the trap, an extremely myopic view with patterns and behaviors that would always lead to the same result regardless of what I did. Finding the answers in there was a lost cause, what I really needed to do was remove myself from it.
INFP
