03-17-2019, 01:03 PM
My overly critical nature is what harms me the most. I keep asking myself the question of why I'm such a perfectionist and why I'm so appalled by anything that isn't deemed perfect. But the why doesn't really matter. What matters is my actions and what I do. I need to start reminding myself that nothing needs to be perfect, people have imperfections, mistakes are ok, overly critical judgement is like a poison for me and other people, no good can come of it.
I've lived with this for so long I see it as how the world is. But it doesn't have to be that way. But I do need to make an effort to change it and no longer think like that. To stop seeing life as some competition of who's better at something. My solution was to always try to be the best I could be at everything because I was operating from within that framework. If I wasn't the best, well I wasn't good enough. But that only applies if I keep telling myself it applies. If that's how I measure my worth in this world.
The irony of all this, it didn't bring me closer to anything. It didn't fuel me, motivate me, allow me to surpass others. In fact the people who are less judgemental, less critical, and don't compare themselves are the ones that flourish in life. I had this delusion for years that this is what gave me my edge, this is how I was different than others and would go on to achieve bigger and better things. But all it ever did was hold me down, keep me stuck, and burn me out. All the pain and suffering, I thought it was forging me and building me up. But I could have easily grown in the absence of that suffering as well. That was just the delusion I held onto.
I've lived with this for so long I see it as how the world is. But it doesn't have to be that way. But I do need to make an effort to change it and no longer think like that. To stop seeing life as some competition of who's better at something. My solution was to always try to be the best I could be at everything because I was operating from within that framework. If I wasn't the best, well I wasn't good enough. But that only applies if I keep telling myself it applies. If that's how I measure my worth in this world.
The irony of all this, it didn't bring me closer to anything. It didn't fuel me, motivate me, allow me to surpass others. In fact the people who are less judgemental, less critical, and don't compare themselves are the ones that flourish in life. I had this delusion for years that this is what gave me my edge, this is how I was different than others and would go on to achieve bigger and better things. But all it ever did was hold me down, keep me stuck, and burn me out. All the pain and suffering, I thought it was forging me and building me up. But I could have easily grown in the absence of that suffering as well. That was just the delusion I held onto.
INFP
