03-13-2019, 05:37 PM
You know what? Screw this. Not LTU, just this whole mindset all my life to be "better". Nothing has ever been good enough. And even when I reach an improvement the bar always moves and I'm sick of it.
I'm tired of constantly feeling like I have to have mastery over my emotions. As if I have to be this shining example of human achievement. I feel like part of my lack of happiness is because I put too much on myself. I'm only human, yet for some reason I expect myself to be more than that. I don't know where this comes from, but it's colored every aspect of my life.
Even running LTU I feel this overwhelming need to have it work really well. And not just so my life gets better. It feels like it's the wrong motivation. It feels like I'm not doing it for myself, but just to become someone that's better because I've always been ashamed of who I am. Always trying to run or hide it, never fully embracing myself. And I'm not talking about the negative beliefs. Rather my core self, it seems like that's the thing I'm always trying to change or feel bad about.
I don't know. It's just so weird how my whole life has just felt like an effort existing as myself. It's been tiring and I really want to lay down that burden and move onto something else.
I'm tired of constantly feeling like I have to have mastery over my emotions. As if I have to be this shining example of human achievement. I feel like part of my lack of happiness is because I put too much on myself. I'm only human, yet for some reason I expect myself to be more than that. I don't know where this comes from, but it's colored every aspect of my life.
Even running LTU I feel this overwhelming need to have it work really well. And not just so my life gets better. It feels like it's the wrong motivation. It feels like I'm not doing it for myself, but just to become someone that's better because I've always been ashamed of who I am. Always trying to run or hide it, never fully embracing myself. And I'm not talking about the negative beliefs. Rather my core self, it seems like that's the thing I'm always trying to change or feel bad about.
I don't know. It's just so weird how my whole life has just felt like an effort existing as myself. It's been tiring and I really want to lay down that burden and move onto something else.
INFP
