Another update that is worth mentioning.
In the past before starting LTU, I was wondering what the difference between AM and LTU. Basically, I thought that the end result of LTU would be pretty much same as running AM, at least for me. Why? I thought that tuning up my life and getting my emotional and mental health in check would make me more comfortable in my skin, be more assertive, and
that I would chase what I want and need, which to me is what being alpha is about. The only difference I thought was basically that LTU's main aim or goal isn't necessarily to make me alpha, while AM's main goal is precisely achieving that.
Yesterday, I actually felt that I was being alpha.
Let me tell you a story. One of the jobs I do at the gov office is distributing parking sticker to people. (Which I believe I mentioned in my previous journal posts.) I need to check their paper (paper of those who wants to get the sticker) and determine whether they can get the sticker, and the type (one has more discount than other.) of sticker to give.
Yesterday, one of new government employee (she's not new as she's just returning from maternity leave, but she's new at this office) came and asked me for the sticker. She brought a vehicle registration, but didn't bring the owner's (her husband) ID. In order for me to give out the sticker, that is the bare minimum: the registration and owner's ID. She then went back and brought a resident registration, but then brought back the vehicle registration. I told her that I need both at the same time to give the sticker. (I need to record the information on both papers.)
She was then complaining to me: "Come on. Are you gonna be like this? We're on the same side. I work here." I told her "That's exactly the reason why I am being like this. What are you gonna do if a rumor gets out that people say that the gov employees go easy on each other, and don't follow the procedure and rules."
Still, I gave her the sticker as I checked both the paperwork and I confirmed that the owner of the vehicle is indeed her husband. I just needed to get the car's plate number, and I basically trusted her word for it instead of checking the paper. (A little gesture of trust, but I don't think either she or other colleague would have noticed anyway.)
The girl could have said that there was nobody who was not a work colleague at the moment. If such thing was mentioned, I would have said two things. First, a random person may come suddenly. Second, how can we ask people to respect and follow the procedure if we, ourselves, do not/cannot follow. Also, in this situation, if we do not and cannot follow such simple procedures for such small minor things, how can we ask people to respect and follow procedures and rules for something that is more complicated and important. (Such as getting paperwork for real estate sales, social securities, and etc.) Also I would have mentioned that what I think is very important is to be consistent in being who you are. If you change your behavior or not being who you are because someone else is there, then you are being a hypocrite and not being true to yourself.
I don't think the above doesn't necessarily show the qualities of alpha, or that I am being alpha. I would have been the same regardless before LTU.
What I think shows I possessed or displayed alpha trait is that I genuinely wanted to live and show consistent character and integrity regardless the status and type of person I was dealing with, and whether there was anyone watching me. I was being assertive of this value, I was being true to that, and I kept it even under pressure.
Genuine need and desire to be your true self, protecting your values even when challenged, and and actually being your true self on a consistent basis under any situation, I think these are alpha values, the beginning point of being an alpha, and qualities of a highly valued and performing person.
What's interesting is that I already had this to begin with, but many times I feel that I wasn't assertive enough, nor did I strongly defended myself. Now I am being more assertive and strongly defend myself and my value, even when it is trivial or seen trivial to do so. I am also consistent in my behavior and my values to the best of my abilities. Yesterday's event allowed me to see this.
In the end, I think I had alpha quality (at least parts of alpha quality) to begin with. I feel that listening to LTU brought that to the surface level, keeps it there and amplify such quality.
Also an interesting thing to note is that I have been on the case of being an exception or an outliar. What I mean is that whenever I had to deal with bureaucrat stuff with school and with others (especially school) I have been an outliar such that I am a foreigner and I also have high functioning autism that certain rules could and needed to be bent. It always was a big hassle to deal with.
Now I am on the other end. I am the judge or a gate keeper in granting things (such as stickers or temporary gov job applications).
When I was the person filing paper work, I thought the need to apply based on individuals. Now, I am following the system, although I try to meet the individual end as much as I can. However, I am not the one who sets the system nor can I fix the system at least given my current status. (Systematically, I am literally at the bottom level, and the hierarchy is too rigid and only one way top down approach here.)
This created a desire to own my life and destiny, and to gain more power so that I can and will create my own system (that is flexible) and bend the rigid system to meet more needs of people.
Interesting experiences so far, and what will I do from now on?
I know that I am going to be on LTU at least till some time in November, in which I know that there will be the most (physical) work in the entire year. Once past that, I think I'd like to switch. To which program will I switch? DMSI? AM? UMS? I originally thought to switch to UMS, but I don't know at the moment.
Anyway how much time do I need to give? How long of a break will I need before switching to other sub, if I were to switch to other sub? Do I give entire month (I mean 32+ days), a week? (depending on the program, I suppose.)
In the past before starting LTU, I was wondering what the difference between AM and LTU. Basically, I thought that the end result of LTU would be pretty much same as running AM, at least for me. Why? I thought that tuning up my life and getting my emotional and mental health in check would make me more comfortable in my skin, be more assertive, and
that I would chase what I want and need, which to me is what being alpha is about. The only difference I thought was basically that LTU's main aim or goal isn't necessarily to make me alpha, while AM's main goal is precisely achieving that.
Yesterday, I actually felt that I was being alpha.
Let me tell you a story. One of the jobs I do at the gov office is distributing parking sticker to people. (Which I believe I mentioned in my previous journal posts.) I need to check their paper (paper of those who wants to get the sticker) and determine whether they can get the sticker, and the type (one has more discount than other.) of sticker to give.
Yesterday, one of new government employee (she's not new as she's just returning from maternity leave, but she's new at this office) came and asked me for the sticker. She brought a vehicle registration, but didn't bring the owner's (her husband) ID. In order for me to give out the sticker, that is the bare minimum: the registration and owner's ID. She then went back and brought a resident registration, but then brought back the vehicle registration. I told her that I need both at the same time to give the sticker. (I need to record the information on both papers.)
She was then complaining to me: "Come on. Are you gonna be like this? We're on the same side. I work here." I told her "That's exactly the reason why I am being like this. What are you gonna do if a rumor gets out that people say that the gov employees go easy on each other, and don't follow the procedure and rules."
Still, I gave her the sticker as I checked both the paperwork and I confirmed that the owner of the vehicle is indeed her husband. I just needed to get the car's plate number, and I basically trusted her word for it instead of checking the paper. (A little gesture of trust, but I don't think either she or other colleague would have noticed anyway.)
The girl could have said that there was nobody who was not a work colleague at the moment. If such thing was mentioned, I would have said two things. First, a random person may come suddenly. Second, how can we ask people to respect and follow the procedure if we, ourselves, do not/cannot follow. Also, in this situation, if we do not and cannot follow such simple procedures for such small minor things, how can we ask people to respect and follow procedures and rules for something that is more complicated and important. (Such as getting paperwork for real estate sales, social securities, and etc.) Also I would have mentioned that what I think is very important is to be consistent in being who you are. If you change your behavior or not being who you are because someone else is there, then you are being a hypocrite and not being true to yourself.
I don't think the above doesn't necessarily show the qualities of alpha, or that I am being alpha. I would have been the same regardless before LTU.
What I think shows I possessed or displayed alpha trait is that I genuinely wanted to live and show consistent character and integrity regardless the status and type of person I was dealing with, and whether there was anyone watching me. I was being assertive of this value, I was being true to that, and I kept it even under pressure.
Genuine need and desire to be your true self, protecting your values even when challenged, and and actually being your true self on a consistent basis under any situation, I think these are alpha values, the beginning point of being an alpha, and qualities of a highly valued and performing person.
What's interesting is that I already had this to begin with, but many times I feel that I wasn't assertive enough, nor did I strongly defended myself. Now I am being more assertive and strongly defend myself and my value, even when it is trivial or seen trivial to do so. I am also consistent in my behavior and my values to the best of my abilities. Yesterday's event allowed me to see this.
In the end, I think I had alpha quality (at least parts of alpha quality) to begin with. I feel that listening to LTU brought that to the surface level, keeps it there and amplify such quality.
Also an interesting thing to note is that I have been on the case of being an exception or an outliar. What I mean is that whenever I had to deal with bureaucrat stuff with school and with others (especially school) I have been an outliar such that I am a foreigner and I also have high functioning autism that certain rules could and needed to be bent. It always was a big hassle to deal with.
Now I am on the other end. I am the judge or a gate keeper in granting things (such as stickers or temporary gov job applications).
When I was the person filing paper work, I thought the need to apply based on individuals. Now, I am following the system, although I try to meet the individual end as much as I can. However, I am not the one who sets the system nor can I fix the system at least given my current status. (Systematically, I am literally at the bottom level, and the hierarchy is too rigid and only one way top down approach here.)
This created a desire to own my life and destiny, and to gain more power so that I can and will create my own system (that is flexible) and bend the rigid system to meet more needs of people.
Interesting experiences so far, and what will I do from now on?
I know that I am going to be on LTU at least till some time in November, in which I know that there will be the most (physical) work in the entire year. Once past that, I think I'd like to switch. To which program will I switch? DMSI? AM? UMS? I originally thought to switch to UMS, but I don't know at the moment.
Anyway how much time do I need to give? How long of a break will I need before switching to other sub, if I were to switch to other sub? Do I give entire month (I mean 32+ days), a week? (depending on the program, I suppose.)
