LTU 5-Becoming the best version of myself

[cataleya]

It sounds like you are executing "do the right thing" script part of LTU 

[DarkTempatation]

LTU 5 -Day 9(3rd day of second on cycle)

I'm really struggling right now....I don't know if it is reversal residence or what, but it feels like I am running ANITLTU 5. Emotionally, mentally, physically, romantically, you name it and it has all pretty much went downhill since about Day 2 of this new version(There are however a few good new habits I started that i will mention at the end of the post). I feel kind of like how one of the members in Shanoons journal discussion mentioned they had been feeling on DMSI. Like fear and emotional distress was coming up and just sitting there for me to stew in. Ive had this hot burning sensation in my chest and it sometimes move up into my throat and other areas that i keep focusing on along with different negative accompanying thoughts. I try to rationally tell myself it means nothing and logically dismantle it, but it only seems to be working to a limited degree thus far.

I ended up having to break this off with the girl I had been seeing and its been tough the last few days without her. We have texted non stop for multiple months straight and would see each other multiple times a week for many hours, and I know this might not seem like a lot compared to people that have been in long term relationships for awhile, but even in this short time span I have honestly connected with this girl more than  ANY other girl by FAR that I have just been friends and befits with  over these past 7 years since my last gf. I felt truly appreciated by her and while she wasnt my typical type appearance wise felt a strong connection to her and had a lot of fun with her.

She felt trapped though in a position where she couldnt choose between her ex and I and didnt want to hurt or lose either of us from her life. She had been with him for over a year, and ever since they broke up last year was trying to work things out with him.  He would show her a little promise and then back off again. Then when he learned about me he got really jealous and wanted to date her again, the thing she had been waiting for all along.  She was struggling with great emotional turmoil for what to do. I had to put my own selfish feelings aside of wanting her to pick me, and I could understand from her point of view it was a pretty ***** position and she felt bad for even putting me through it and didnt mean to. Like I mentioned before though we just started with the intention to be friends with benefits and I knew she was talking to her ex all along, but as timed passed I actually started considering dating her and she started really liking me as well. Right around the time I was contemplating if I should ask her to be my girlfriend or not is when this ex came back into the picture and decided he wanted to try things again with her.

So the past two weeks after that we were just trying to figure out what to do with the whole situation and I just realized that what i thought was best for her and I was if I just stepped out of the equation. I told her to just go and see if things would work out with him because that was what she was waiting for for a long time and finally got the opportunity, and as long as he was still in the picture nothing could really come of us. It was hard, but I believe it was the right thing. So I have also been dealing with the after effects of that.

Some I suppose positive things to note however is I did switch a few habits, I cold turkey stopped caffeine on sunday and despite taking a LARGE daily dose I really didnt notice much of a difference besides slightly less energy. I got no withdrawl effects which I thought was pretty cool and peculiar because I always had in the past. So I am at least happy that coming off of that hasnt seemed to negatively impact me as much as I thought it would.

I also stopped looking at my phone first things in the morning before my morning routine. I now take my morning supplements, take a contrast shower, and do some yoga first. These were some habits ive been meaning to instill but havent been able to consistently implement. I actually think with her being out of the picture and the emotional/mental distress ive been experiencing were both motivating factors for me to do this to improve myself and lesson these symptoms.

Now Im just hoping I will soon come out of this emotional/mental fog and get back to a more poitive feeling and thinking orientation. During TID for both LTU4 and 5 there were moments where I was feeling pretty awesome, and want to get back to more of that.

Sounds like you really like her and she likes you too. Why not give it a chance? Maybe you will like her even more after?
do you really think she wants to go back to her ex... i think that was just your excuse of pushing her away.
Pretty sure she likes you more.
Base on your words the feeling I got is you do like her and will end up missing her...
it's not like you have to get married or anything.
just ask yourself would you regret this decision, the feeling of regret is the worst i hope no ones has to go through it.

I think you have done the right thing,  a woman who keeps talking about her ex and all she thinks about is her ex needs healing. You being there gives her the opportunity to share her problems with someone this is just from my perspective. But don't worry about it . plenty of women out there. As well as LTU Will heal you up in no time. As long as you are happy and at peace of mind that's what important. I've been there where I was talking to someone for a over a year I was deeply attached, and was unhappy all the time when I eliminated her from my life. Lifes Amazing LOL. Stay positive and you got this, we are on the LTU journey. All thanks to Shannon! ?

[Broski]

Hey guys I really appreciate all the input! I DID really start to like her and I know she really liked me too, but she still had feelings for her ex as well who popped up and finally offered her what she was waiting for and then she couldnt make up her mind between the two of us. I was just tired of stringing this thing along and not getting what I wanted out of the relationship anymore as well as I saw the great stress it was causing her, so with both those things in mind is why I decided o back off. It didnt seem like the right thing to do for me to just unhappily wait for her to make up her mind and possibly choose me. She just texted me last night asking how I was and we exchanged a few texts. I was honestly happy to hear from her because I missed talking to her, but at the same time I almost told her hey, I just really dont want to do this whole texting or talking thing anymore which I basically already alluded to when I broke things off. I needed up just not responding to one of her texts instead though. A part of me does wander if I made the wrong choice and should have stuck it and see if we coulda worked things out cause I seem to care about her this much. Idk, maybe if it is meant to be things wont work out with her ex and she will come back and realize I was the better choice for her.

[Greenduck]

Hey guys I really appreciate all the input! I DID really start to like her and I know she really liked me too, but she still had feelings for her ex as well who popped up and finally offered her what she was waiting for and then she couldnt make up her mind between the two of us. I was just tired of stringing this thing along and not getting what I wanted out of the relationship anymore as well as I saw the great stress it was causing her, so with both those things in mind is why I decided o back off. It didnt seem like the right thing to do for me to just unhappily wait for her to make up her mind and possibly choose me. She just texted me last night asking how I was and we exchanged a few texts. I was honestly happy to hear from her because I missed talking to her, but at the same time I almost told her hey, I just really dont want to do this whole texting or talking thing anymore which I basically already alluded to when I broke things off. I needed up just not responding to one of her texts instead though. A part of me does wander if I made the wrong choice and should have stuck it and see if we coulda worked things out cause I seem to care about her this much. Idk, maybe if it is meant to be things wont work out with her ex and she will come back and realize I was the better choice for her.

The best thing, and I know it's probably also the hardest one, is to let her go. Not hoping, not planning, just letting her go from your life. Sometimes when we try to hold some doors of our lives open, we miss the new ones that pop-up.

[FluffyBunny]

Hey guys I really appreciate all the input! I DID really start to like her and I know she really liked me too, but she still had feelings for her ex as well who popped up and finally offered her what she was waiting for and then she couldnt make up her mind between the two of us. I was just tired of stringing this thing along and not getting what I wanted out of the relationship anymore as well as I saw the great stress it was causing her, so with both those things in mind is why I decided o back off. It didnt seem like the right thing to do for me to just unhappily wait for her to make up her mind and possibly choose me. She just texted me last night asking how I was and we exchanged a few texts. I was honestly happy to hear from her because I missed talking to her, but at the same time I almost told her hey, I just really dont want to do this whole texting or talking thing anymore which I basically already alluded to when I broke things off. I needed up just not responding to one of her texts instead though. A part of me does wander if I made the wrong choice and should have stuck it and see if we coulda worked things out cause I seem to care about her this much. Idk, maybe if it is meant to be things wont work out with her ex and she will come back and realize I was the better choice for her.

I dont understand the whole, " It didnt seem like the right thing to do for me to just unhappily wait for her to make up her mind and possibly choose me." why are you waiting for her to choose you? It sounded more like she was waiting for you to STEP UP and make up your mind and tell her you want her. Why should she choose to be with you when she cant even trust you. you dont even have the strength to make up your mind on a decision. 

When you are wishy-washy, like you half want her but then half dont even know what you want... obviously shes gonna choose someone else.
"Idk, maybe if it is meant to be things wont work out with her ex and she will come back and realize I was the better choice for her."  Re-read your own words, see how indecisive you are being.

[Broski]

Hey guys I really appreciate all the input! I DID really start to like her and I know she really liked me too, but she still had feelings for her ex as well who popped up and finally offered her what she was waiting for and then she couldnt make up her mind between the two of us. I was just tired of stringing this thing along and not getting what I wanted out of the relationship anymore as well as I saw the great stress it was causing her, so with both those things in mind is why I decided o back off. It didnt seem like the right thing to do for me to just unhappily wait for her to make up her mind and possibly choose me. She just texted me last night asking how I was and we exchanged a few texts. I was honestly happy to hear from her because I missed talking to her, but at the same time I almost told her hey, I just really dont want to do this whole texting or talking thing anymore which I basically already alluded to when I broke things off. I needed up just not responding to one of her texts instead though. A part of me does wander if I made the wrong choice and should have stuck it and see if we coulda worked things out cause I seem to care about her this much. Idk, maybe if it is meant to be things wont work out with her ex and she will come back and realize I was the better choice for her.

I dont understand the whole, " It didnt seem like the right thing to do for me to just unhappily wait for her to make up her mind and possibly choose me." why are you waiting for her to choose you? It sounded more like she was waiting for you to STEP UP and make up your mind and tell her you want her. Why should she choose to be with you when she cant even trust you. you dont even have the strength to make up your mind on a decision. 

When you are wishy-washy, like you half want her but then half dont even know what you want... obviously shes gonna choose someone else.
"Idk, maybe if it is meant to be things wont work out with her ex and she will come back and realize I was the better choice for her."  Re-read your own words, see how indecisive you are being.

I guess I didnt explain the whole situation but when she told meabout her ex wanting to get back with her I brought up that I was considering dating her, and even said if I asked you to be my gf would you be able to leave him behind and she said she didnt know right now. Nothing was going anywhere and we weren't even able to continue with our friends with nbefits relationship I was enjoying so much and I didnt see thing being abe to go back to normal or progress with him being in the situation so that felt like the best thing for both me and her to do. I feel I DID man up in this case and chose the hard but right path

[FluffyBunny]

Hey guys I really appreciate all the input! I DID really start to like her and I know she really liked me too, but she still had feelings for her ex as well who popped up and finally offered her what she was waiting for and then she couldnt make up her mind between the two of us. I was just tired of stringing this thing along and not getting what I wanted out of the relationship anymore as well as I saw the great stress it was causing her, so with both those things in mind is why I decided o back off. It didnt seem like the right thing to do for me to just unhappily wait for her to make up her mind and possibly choose me. She just texted me last night asking how I was and we exchanged a few texts. I was honestly happy to hear from her because I missed talking to her, but at the same time I almost told her hey, I just really dont want to do this whole texting or talking thing anymore which I basically already alluded to when I broke things off. I needed up just not responding to one of her texts instead though. A part of me does wander if I made the wrong choice and should have stuck it and see if we coulda worked things out cause I seem to care about her this much. Idk, maybe if it is meant to be things wont work out with her ex and she will come back and realize I was the better choice for her.

I dont understand the whole, " It didnt seem like the right thing to do for me to just unhappily wait for her to make up her mind and possibly choose me." why are you waiting for her to choose you? It sounded more like she was waiting for you to STEP UP and make up your mind and tell her you want her. Why should she choose to be with you when she cant even trust you. you dont even have the strength to make up your mind on a decision. 

When you are wishy-washy, like you half want her but then half dont even know what you want... obviously shes gonna choose someone else.
"Idk, maybe if it is meant to be things wont work out with her ex and she will come back and realize I was the better choice for her."  Re-read your own words, see how indecisive you are being.

I guess I didnt explain the whole situation but when she told meabout her ex wanting to get back with her I brought up that I was considering dating her, and even said if I asked you to be my gf would you be able to leave him behind and she said she didnt know right now. Nothing was going anywhere and we weren't even able to continue with our friends with nbefits relationship I was enjoying so much and I didnt see thing being abe to go back to normal or progress with him being in the situation so that felt like the best thing for both me and her to do. I feel I DID man up in this case and chose the hard but right path

That's good you were true to your intentions. There's this idea that sometimes lot of guys misunderstand I'm not saying you do but just in case you did here it is.
if you really really like her. its also ok to chase and pursue her. its also ok to prove to her that u actually want her to be your girlfriend. it's not beta at all to do this in fact it is very attractive especially for a girl that you already have a decent level of intimacy with already.
anyways decisions are already made, best of luck in the future

[Broski]

Hey guys I really appreciate all the input! I DID really start to like her and I know she really liked me too, but she still had feelings for her ex as well who popped up and finally offered her what she was waiting for and then she couldnt make up her mind between the two of us. I was just tired of stringing this thing along and not getting what I wanted out of the relationship anymore as well as I saw the great stress it was causing her, so with both those things in mind is why I decided o back off. It didnt seem like the right thing to do for me to just unhappily wait for her to make up her mind and possibly choose me. She just texted me last night asking how I was and we exchanged a few texts. I was honestly happy to hear from her because I missed talking to her, but at the same time I almost told her hey, I just really dont want to do this whole texting or talking thing anymore which I basically already alluded to when I broke things off. I needed up just not responding to one of her texts instead though. A part of me does wander if I made the wrong choice and should have stuck it and see if we coulda worked things out cause I seem to care about her this much. Idk, maybe if it is meant to be things wont work out with her ex and she will come back and realize I was the better choice for her.

I dont understand the whole, " It didnt seem like the right thing to do for me to just unhappily wait for her to make up her mind and possibly choose me." why are you waiting for her to choose you? It sounded more like she was waiting for you to STEP UP and make up your mind and tell her you want her. Why should she choose to be with you when she cant even trust you. you dont even have the strength to make up your mind on a decision. 

When you are wishy-washy, like you half want her but then half dont even know what you want... obviously shes gonna choose someone else.
"Idk, maybe if it is meant to be things wont work out with her ex and she will come back and realize I was the better choice for her."  Re-read your own words, see how indecisive you are being.

I guess I didnt explain the whole situation but when she told meabout her ex wanting to get back with her I brought up that I was considering dating her, and even said if I asked you to be my gf would you be able to leave him behind and she said she didnt know right now. Nothing was going anywhere and we weren't even able to continue with our friends with nbefits relationship I was enjoying so much and I didnt see thing being abe to go back to normal or progress with him being in the situation so that felt like the best thing for both me and her to do. I feel I DID man up in this case and chose the hard but right path

That's good you were true to your intentions. There's this idea that sometimes lot of guys misunderstand I'm not saying you do but just in case you did here it is.
if you really really like her. its also ok to chase and pursue her. its also ok to prove to her that u actually want her to be your girlfriend. it's not beta at all to do this in fact it is very attractive especially for a girl that you already have a decent level of intimacy with already.
anyways decisions are already made, best of luck in the future

Yeah I can see how thats not a black and white concept, but I think I already did a pretty good job of letting her know I cared about her and making her feel good as she told me so many times, and wasnt about to go out of my way to try to win her approval over the other guy.  I think I was already being pretty great to her and even got her a valentines day present even though we werent dating, so I wasnt about trying to win her over with any more acts. She couldnt choose so I had to make the choice for her and do what I thought was best. Thanks though man I appreciate it

[Shannon]

Choose self respect over a woman. Every time. I think walking away was a good choice. If she wants you, she should really want you. Going after a woman who was in that position in the first place wasn't a good idea.

[Broski]

Choose self respect over a woman.  Every time.  I think walking away was a good choice.  If she wants you, she should really want you.  Going after a woman who was in that position in the first place wasn't a good idea.

Well like I said in the beginning I had no intention of developing feelings for her and potentially wanting to date her. It started as just a friends with benefits thing and I didnt forsee that changing, nnut what happened happened. For the past 7 years since my last girlfriend I have just had casual flings with woman so this was definitely out of the ordinary

[Broski]

LTU 5 Day 17(Off day)

So some more updates on the whole girl station. As I said in my last post I ended things with her not this sat but the last sat. That following Tuesday she texted m,e and we chatted for a bit before I stopped replying. The next day she texted me again saying she hated not talking to me and wanted to go back to how things were with us. I told her I didnt think that was a good idea since the other guy was still in the situation and things had also changed in the fact that I was no longer unmatched to the relationship and just being friends with benefits but was interested in possibly something more with her.

Some arguing ensued for awhile then it eventually died down and we started texting each other like old times and joking around and just talking about random stuff the following day. She told me why she started liking me so much and about all the good qualities that I had. Later in that day(last thursdayy) she randomly asked if she could come over because she was nearby. I was still hesitent with continuing the whole thing with the other guy still in the picture, but I really missed her and the moment got the best of me so I allowed her to come over.

She was acting super nice and submissive towards me, her vboice being up a few octives higher than normal and all flirty. She was also wearing a shirt of mine underneath hers(that she STOLE from me one night, but I let her keep it being a true gentleman and all)We talked for a bit about her sister that she doesnt get along with at all who just had a baby and that whole situation. Then shortly after that she got on me and straddled me on the couch and we started kissing and making out a bit, and then just being all flirty and talking about things. It felt really good and I realized how much I had missed her as I looked into her eyes and stroked her hair as she smiled at me and talked to me.

We ended up having sex shortly after that that was really good and she was soaking wet from it. Maybe a little tmi, but I always talk dirty to her during it and I said to her "Who owns this P****" and she said "You do"(Take that ex) She had to leave shortly after because she was using her friends car and had to pick her up from work. When she got home she called me and we talked on the phone for about an hour or so.

The next day though I realized that I just didnt think I could do this anymore. Be in the situation while being unattached like I was in the beginning. So I told her if she wanted to continue talking and being in my life that she had to choose me and ditch her ex completely. She still couldnt make the decision to completely let go of him though, but begged me to not stop talking to her while she couldnt decide. I told her sorry but thats just the way it has to be. So she finally agreed to leave me alone unless she could decide to cut him out and choose me completely. That was last friday night and we have not texted since.

She has subtly still tried communicating with me though as she keeps liking everything i put on fb, commented on posts i commented on as well and liked my comments, and even sent me a message of a fb meme on fb. I havent given her any sort of sign back though. So that is where things stand with that sitatuion as of now.

As for other things in general, I have still been experiencing some emotional and mental distress, but maybe to a slightly lesser extent than before. I messed up a few days with my new diet and went back to caffeine a few times last week, but since sunday even though the urges was there at times I have been sticking to my new very healthy plant based diet and zero caffeine. Still been slacking on work ethic when it comes to getting some other stuff done i would like to do and eliminating/cutting down some other bad habits, but the emotional and mental distress I have still been experiencing has been making it hard to go through with that as of yet. Thats about it for now

[Broski]

LTU 5- Day 26

Been experiencing less overall emotional turbulence lately which is nice. One things I have noticed that has seemed to improve the most for me as of late is my ability to more easily be able to speak my mind without getting stuck in my head or having to think about what to say as much. The words are just more easily coming to me. I have always had an issue with being stuck in my head and self conscious of what I should say/ how I am coming off so this is definitely nice to start experiencing being more free and confident in this regard.

Another thing I have noticed is the past few workcouts of mine have very solids and I hit some PRs on multiple exercises. I seem to have a new drive and focus when it comes to hitting the gym. I also seem to be more hopeful for the future and more positively focused in general. I have plans for what I should tdo and how to improve in different things, now it is just time to start putting more of them into action. The motivation/. overcoming procrastination part is not noticeable yet as I am still feeling some residence to putting things into action. Love life is is also still trash and a mess at the moment lol Overall though it seems like things are finally starting to move in the right direction

[Broski]

LTU 5- Day 42

So since starting this program overall I can't really say all too much has changed for the better as of yet. Actually some things have went downhill including my love life, baseline emotional state, and how much money I have been making to name a few. Seems like so far i've just been going through different periods/ colors of emotional turbulence and mental confusion with very brief periods of feeling better/ more clear. I've been trying my best to keep going forward and have continued to strive towards my goals and will continue doing so despite how I may currently feel, but is has been tough.

[Shannon]

Have you been significantly resistant to any subs you ran in the past?