04-29-2017, 01:15 PM
Ok guys I wanted to wait to update this until I was in a happy place.
I'm 9 weeks post break up from the first girl I ever loved. We shared our first 'true' everything together. First girl I had feelings for, consistently had sex with, lived together, broke down every barrier imaginable with one another. Bonded to a point I'd never felt with someone. Supported each other, became invested in one another's life. Had each other's back. Cooked for each other, well...she cooked for me. Shared goals, basically a deep deep bond.
It was filled with high moments and the lowest of lows. Absolutely life changing and one of the most important things I've gone through in my entire life to progress me as a human male on this planet. I built so much confidence and gained an incredible amount of experience from it. I am a totally changed man now. I was able to fully put behind my the anxiety that was leftover from anti-psycotic pills that I was on due to my bouts of drug induced psychosis as a teenager. Finally I was able to close that chapter and segue into something new. The first big leaps into becoming the man I was always destined to be.
I don't ever want to get back together with her or share any intimate moment again, but deep in my mind I have this idea that one day we'll pass each other in an airport and I'll be with my aryan family, and she with children of her own, and we'll share a knowing look. Very idealistic and romantic in a way that would make others cringe or shake their heads but whatever, that's who I am.
We split due to me finding out she was unfaithful throughout our 11.5 month relationship. Basically talking to guys on tinder the day I left to visit my friends, sending pictures of her ass to some guy when she was studying at her parents. Other things I don't care to summon to memory atm. Disgusting cunt I was repulsed and mortified. The knife of betrayal sunk deep into my heart and soul and the pain was more than I could have imagined. Our breakup lasted 4 days. The first 2 was her pleading because I only knew of the tinder part. 40+ hours of sustained begging and convincing made me consider that despite how much it felt antithetical to my being, I would give her another chance. After all, when had I read that a woman was capable of showing so much love for a man? This was not my experience in reading other red pilled men's experience. I knew I might be making a massive mistake and every close friend and family member said to dump her. But I blocked them out and made my own decision. I would give her another chance. After all I knew she was fucked up and unstable and it's not like she truly cheated. This was very hard to absorb though. Going against everything I told myself I'd stand for if a girl was disloyal.
So for one day things stabilized slightly, but I had to know for sure that there was nothing else. I went through her email and long story short she admitted to sending a picture of her ass and "dirty talk" to some faggot. This was the end for me. I felt a silver cord between us be severed through the middle. Immediately our connection was revoked. Then the breakup resumed. An accepting sadness. We spent the night together in sorrow. I found out how kind and giving I could be. In my truest core I was not angry and hateful, only in short bursts. For the most part it was a raw feeling of being hyper aware of the moment and very empathetic. She was too devastated to pack so I had to gather all her things myself. She recorded almost 20 hours of our final conversations and wrote in her book of quotes (my quotes I'd say to her) things I was saying.
Ironically we had a lot of sex in our final days. Like maybe 7 or more times in the final 30 hours. In the heat of the moment we made some pact that we'd always fuck each other, but I knew even then in the back of my head that I would never again lay with her.
Our final moment was like in a movie scene. I kissed her goodbye in the passenger seat of her father's vehicle beneath a shroud of darkness and large, lightly falling snowflakes. Then they drove away with her face pressed up against the window waving and crying. I truly loved that girl. She called me daddy 99% of the time and I wonder if that coupled with how damaged she was triggered our dynamic to be more of a father and daughter. I took her virginity, I was her first everything as far as significant male partner influence.
I told her there would be no contact unless she was going to kill herself and that if she broke that agreement, I would block her regardless. She reached out after a week begging and trying to convince me. I was very kind in my response and proceeded to block her (with a heavy heart). Then she emailed me and I did the same. Then on what should have been our 1 year anniversary she left a 10 page note on my parent's doorstep. It had a few moments but it was mostly her venting and telling me how great she was doing while mentioning how so many guys are checking her out. She even mentioned to return her fondue maker. Fucking useless lol. I threw it in the garbage. What an embarrassment and stain to the beautiful memories we had. Fool woman. Being female she will never appreciate what we had beyond the moments we lived it. It is in her design to move on and one day resent me and view me as inferior to whatever her current mate is. So it falls on my shoulders to retain an accurate memory of what we were. The memory will hang on the wall of my subconscious as it truly was, not distorted in any way.
To sum it up, I would say: A truly loving, compatible, damaged, toxic relationship. One that taught us both lessons. We were destined to be together, but only for a brief time.
I'm leaving many details out, but this is already quite bloated and the gist is getting across.
During the post breakup I stayed pure (except for a few nights of degeneracy with the boys) and disciplined. I upped my martial arts training, meditation, journalling, lifting, reading, and social game. I can now go out completely alone and have an excellent time. Something I would be afraid to do before. And due to my persistence in finding a new woman, the universe eventually rewarded me with an opportunity to secure one that is almost tailor made to my desires. And secure her I did. So I have a new GF now that is a stable and balanced. As much as a woman can be of course.
So yes I am very happy and feeling incredible confident. I have many goals and a clear vision of what I want to do and accomplish in many areas of my life. Physical, spiritual, financial.
Alpha Male 6.0 it'll change your life
At the end of the day I feel like it upgrades your vessel, but you still have to do the leg work and MAKE shit happen. You can't just let the new car sit in the driveway. Get out and fucking use it. The nice thing about this sub is that every night you're improving even if your day wasn't hyper productive. I truly feel like my life re started since using this. That's how my memories are seen in my mind. When I look back 16 months I can 'feel' the split from before I started using these and taking steps forward in life.
I'm 9 weeks post break up from the first girl I ever loved. We shared our first 'true' everything together. First girl I had feelings for, consistently had sex with, lived together, broke down every barrier imaginable with one another. Bonded to a point I'd never felt with someone. Supported each other, became invested in one another's life. Had each other's back. Cooked for each other, well...she cooked for me. Shared goals, basically a deep deep bond.
It was filled with high moments and the lowest of lows. Absolutely life changing and one of the most important things I've gone through in my entire life to progress me as a human male on this planet. I built so much confidence and gained an incredible amount of experience from it. I am a totally changed man now. I was able to fully put behind my the anxiety that was leftover from anti-psycotic pills that I was on due to my bouts of drug induced psychosis as a teenager. Finally I was able to close that chapter and segue into something new. The first big leaps into becoming the man I was always destined to be.
I don't ever want to get back together with her or share any intimate moment again, but deep in my mind I have this idea that one day we'll pass each other in an airport and I'll be with my aryan family, and she with children of her own, and we'll share a knowing look. Very idealistic and romantic in a way that would make others cringe or shake their heads but whatever, that's who I am.
We split due to me finding out she was unfaithful throughout our 11.5 month relationship. Basically talking to guys on tinder the day I left to visit my friends, sending pictures of her ass to some guy when she was studying at her parents. Other things I don't care to summon to memory atm. Disgusting cunt I was repulsed and mortified. The knife of betrayal sunk deep into my heart and soul and the pain was more than I could have imagined. Our breakup lasted 4 days. The first 2 was her pleading because I only knew of the tinder part. 40+ hours of sustained begging and convincing made me consider that despite how much it felt antithetical to my being, I would give her another chance. After all, when had I read that a woman was capable of showing so much love for a man? This was not my experience in reading other red pilled men's experience. I knew I might be making a massive mistake and every close friend and family member said to dump her. But I blocked them out and made my own decision. I would give her another chance. After all I knew she was fucked up and unstable and it's not like she truly cheated. This was very hard to absorb though. Going against everything I told myself I'd stand for if a girl was disloyal.
So for one day things stabilized slightly, but I had to know for sure that there was nothing else. I went through her email and long story short she admitted to sending a picture of her ass and "dirty talk" to some faggot. This was the end for me. I felt a silver cord between us be severed through the middle. Immediately our connection was revoked. Then the breakup resumed. An accepting sadness. We spent the night together in sorrow. I found out how kind and giving I could be. In my truest core I was not angry and hateful, only in short bursts. For the most part it was a raw feeling of being hyper aware of the moment and very empathetic. She was too devastated to pack so I had to gather all her things myself. She recorded almost 20 hours of our final conversations and wrote in her book of quotes (my quotes I'd say to her) things I was saying.
Ironically we had a lot of sex in our final days. Like maybe 7 or more times in the final 30 hours. In the heat of the moment we made some pact that we'd always fuck each other, but I knew even then in the back of my head that I would never again lay with her.
Our final moment was like in a movie scene. I kissed her goodbye in the passenger seat of her father's vehicle beneath a shroud of darkness and large, lightly falling snowflakes. Then they drove away with her face pressed up against the window waving and crying. I truly loved that girl. She called me daddy 99% of the time and I wonder if that coupled with how damaged she was triggered our dynamic to be more of a father and daughter. I took her virginity, I was her first everything as far as significant male partner influence.
I told her there would be no contact unless she was going to kill herself and that if she broke that agreement, I would block her regardless. She reached out after a week begging and trying to convince me. I was very kind in my response and proceeded to block her (with a heavy heart). Then she emailed me and I did the same. Then on what should have been our 1 year anniversary she left a 10 page note on my parent's doorstep. It had a few moments but it was mostly her venting and telling me how great she was doing while mentioning how so many guys are checking her out. She even mentioned to return her fondue maker. Fucking useless lol. I threw it in the garbage. What an embarrassment and stain to the beautiful memories we had. Fool woman. Being female she will never appreciate what we had beyond the moments we lived it. It is in her design to move on and one day resent me and view me as inferior to whatever her current mate is. So it falls on my shoulders to retain an accurate memory of what we were. The memory will hang on the wall of my subconscious as it truly was, not distorted in any way.
To sum it up, I would say: A truly loving, compatible, damaged, toxic relationship. One that taught us both lessons. We were destined to be together, but only for a brief time.
I'm leaving many details out, but this is already quite bloated and the gist is getting across.
During the post breakup I stayed pure (except for a few nights of degeneracy with the boys) and disciplined. I upped my martial arts training, meditation, journalling, lifting, reading, and social game. I can now go out completely alone and have an excellent time. Something I would be afraid to do before. And due to my persistence in finding a new woman, the universe eventually rewarded me with an opportunity to secure one that is almost tailor made to my desires. And secure her I did. So I have a new GF now that is a stable and balanced. As much as a woman can be of course.
So yes I am very happy and feeling incredible confident. I have many goals and a clear vision of what I want to do and accomplish in many areas of my life. Physical, spiritual, financial.
Alpha Male 6.0 it'll change your life
At the end of the day I feel like it upgrades your vessel, but you still have to do the leg work and MAKE shit happen. You can't just let the new car sit in the driveway. Get out and fucking use it. The nice thing about this sub is that every night you're improving even if your day wasn't hyper productive. I truly feel like my life re started since using this. That's how my memories are seen in my mind. When I look back 16 months I can 'feel' the split from before I started using these and taking steps forward in life.
