Joining that EPRHA 2.0 Bandwagon

[Why So Serious?]

Today I woke up from dreaming about a guy I used to work with 1 1/2 years ago. I guess it meant that I missed on a great opportunity. He was very handsome. Still can't believe he was attracted to me.

I wanted to get out do something but when I got out of bed I felt kind of weak. Then an hour later my stomach was bothering me. Also the thought of being around people really stirred those negative feeling that I have been feeling lately. I was upset but I remembered all the times I tried to force myself when feeling this way. Long story short it made things worse and was glad to be back home.

Anyway I downloaded FF 13 on an old computer and was surprised it played. It stutters and the frame rate drops here and there,the graphics aren't that great, but I'm not picky when it comes to things like that. I'm just happy it plays.

It's strange because a part of is happy that I stayed in playing videogames but I don't feel like I should be. I have other things that need to get done and stuff to improve on with myself. I feel really behind as far as self-improvement and social stuff. Anyway after playing ff 13 for a few hours. I slaked off for an hour. I was going to play GOW3 but decided to learn more about java instead. I don't get it all day I was telling my self that I shoudn't play this and I need to learn code but the moment I say I going to play some video games I want to learn code? I don't get this.

And why am I becoming interested in video games again? What's going on here?

[maxx55]

Today I woke up from dreaming about a guy I used to work with 1 1/2 years ago. I guess it meant that I missed on a great opportunity. He was very handsome. Still can't believe he was attracted to me.

I wanted to get out do something but when I got out of bed I felt kind of weak. Then an hour later my stomach was bothering me. Also the thought of being around people really stirred those negative feeling that I have been feeling lately. I was upset but I remembered all the times I tried to force myself when feeling this way. Long story short it made things worse and was glad to be back home.

Anyway I downloaded FF 13 on an old computer and was surprised it played. It stutters and the frame rate drops here and there,the graphics aren't that great, but I'm not picky when it comes to things like that. I'm just happy it plays.

It's strange because a part of is happy that I stayed in playing videogames but I don't feel like I should be. I have other things that need to get done and stuff to improve on with myself. I feel really behind as far as self-improvement and social stuff. Anyway after playing ff 13 for a few hours. I slaked off for an hour. I was going to play GOW3 but decided to learn more about java instead. I don't get it all day I was telling my self that I shoudn't play this and I need to learn code but the moment I say I going to play some video games I want to learn code? I don't get this.

And why am I becoming interested in video games again? What's going on here?

Interesting. Over the summer, I also delved back into playing video games. I tend to play only during summer break or sometimes during the school year if I have people over.

Anyway, one of the games I ended up playing really revolves around character interaction (Persona 4 Golden) and it was interesting because I didn't get a chance to hang out with any of my friends the whole summer, but I spent a lot of time playing Persona. I felt more playing the fricken game than I've felt for people in real life in a long time. So, idk, maybe part of the healing?

[Why So Serious?]

Um....well God of War isn't really about character interaction.lol And final fantasy 13 I guess it is. To ealy in the game to tell.
I guess it is healing..... who knows at this point.

[DisneylandUSA]

Um....well God of War isn't really about character interaction.lol And final fantasy 13 I guess it is. To ealy in the game to tell.
I guess it is healing..... who knows at this point.

Well. Sounds like you are having a great time 'healing' while you have fun with Video action games

[maxx55]

Um....well God of War isn't really about character interaction.lol And final fantasy 13 I guess it is. To ealy in the game to tell.
I guess it is healing..... who knows at this point.

Well. Sounds like you are having a great time 'healing' while you have fun with Video action games

Haha yeah! I've played FFXIII, loved it. I'm sure it's the best for "healing"

And GOW is good for letting go all that anger!

[Why So Serious?]

Eh.. passes the time. Helps to relieve some of the stress. It is fun. Forgot about how fun it could be playing games. Could be the wine too helping with the healing.

[Why So Serious?]

@maxx55
Yeah ff13 got bad reviews which is why I waited so long to play it. But some far I like it.

God of War I agree. Helps after a stressful day at work and I can imagine my boss being one of the enemies.

And I'm reminded why I don't use a phone for this.

[mat422]

Exercising is good to do period. But I don't want to rely on it to the point where I feel like I don't need to improve my personality. Just using my body hoping that will be enough. lol

Can't say a whole lot has happened lately still feeling pretty down. Anxiety is getting worse. I don't feel comfortable walking in public place anymore. Unlike in month 1 and 2 of listening.


I feel glad that I found a degree I don't mind studying for in college.

I noticed that a couple of other users have complained about lower cognitive functioning since starting E2. Nice to know I'm not the only one. Started around month 2 just didn't say anything. Still debating if I want to run this through the whole semester because of this issue. I really like what I'm studying and want to pass, not waste time. I'll see how it goes at the end of the month. Soemthing positive should have happened by then.........I think?

Also the motivation to get things done in college is starting to go down. Almost didn't go to class but I'm glad I did. However I didn't go to get help in algebra.

I just want some motivation and focus.

All I can say is be kind to yourself as much as possible. It's easy to overlook just how much work we are putting into ourselves because it's as easy as pressing play and listening to a subliminal. But a lot of that stuff going on in the background is a lot of work. Keep going, you'll break through eventually.

Let's see if that break through happens at the end of the month. I don't feel like it's doing much but maybe it is who knows.
I'm just starting to frustrated that this can't go any faster. It would be nice to have some motivation and all that jazz right about now.
I'm just tired of being depressed, stressed,extremely negative,lots of tension from stress all through out my body, and anxious for 2 1/2 months straight with only a glimmer of peace that lasts a few hours at best. And for some odd reason it only gets worse
I'll try to be more patient but this is starting to get old.

I know exactly what you're going through. I'm in the same boat. Just take a deep breath and tell yourself it's ok. Do what you can and don't beat yourself up if you can't do any more than you set out to do. That's hard if you have a constant habit of criticizing yourself, which is something I struggle with a lot. But if you can let go of that self criticism you'll notice you start feeling a lot better. At first your mind will resist and tell you that you don't deserve it, don't listen to it and just keep practicing compassion for yourself. Remember that any negativity, stress, or depression comes from your own mind, which means you also have the power to counter those feelings. You don't have to believe the awful thoughts you might be telling yourself.

I don't feel like I'm being that critical but my ya'll see something that I don't. Wouldn't be the first time this has happened. I will do my best to take it easy on myself. This sentence don't make sense to me for some odd reason. It's like reading it in some strange alien language. This is going to pretty hard.

Remember that any negativity, stress, or depression comes from your own mind, which means you also have the power to counter those feelings. You don't have to believe the awful thoughts you might be telling yourself.
This also isn't making that much sense. I get but I don't get it. Ugh the frustration of not getting this right away.

I think that's a good indication that you're unfamiliar with going easy on yourself. See, when a person is self critical all their life they don't realize when they are doing it because they have nothing to compare it to. A lot of people have a bad habit of motivating themselves through things like shame or guilt and all it does is break them down and make it harder to actually work on the things they need to improve.

That second part. You'll understand with time, don't pressure yourself to understand it right away. Just know that a lot of negativity or stress is due to bad habits and how we treat ourselves and eventually you'll break them and replace them with positive ones.

[Why So Serious?]

All I can say is be kind to yourself as much as possible. It's easy to overlook just how much work we are putting into ourselves because it's as easy as pressing play and listening to a subliminal. But a lot of that stuff going on in the background is a lot of work. Keep going, you'll break through eventually.

Let's see if that break through happens at the end of the month. I don't feel like it's doing much but maybe it is who knows.
I'm just starting to frustrated that this can't go any faster. It would be nice to have some motivation and all that jazz right about now.
I'm just tired of being depressed, stressed,extremely negative,lots of tension from stress all through out my body, and anxious for 2 1/2 months straight with only a glimmer of peace that lasts a few hours at best. And for some odd reason it only gets worse
I'll try to be more patient but this is starting to get old.

I know exactly what you're going through. I'm in the same boat. Just take a deep breath and tell yourself it's ok. Do what you can and don't beat yourself up if you can't do any more than you set out to do. That's hard if you have a constant habit of criticizing yourself, which is something I struggle with a lot. But if you can let go of that self criticism you'll notice you start feeling a lot better. At first your mind will resist and tell you that you don't deserve it, don't listen to it and just keep practicing compassion for yourself. Remember that any negativity, stress, or depression comes from your own mind, which means you also have the power to counter those feelings. You don't have to believe the awful thoughts you might be telling yourself.

I don't feel like I'm being that critical but my ya'll see something that I don't. Wouldn't be the first time this has happened. I will do my best to take it easy on myself. This sentence don't make sense to me for some odd reason. It's like reading it in some strange alien language. This is going to pretty hard.

Remember that any negativity, stress, or depression comes from your own mind, which means you also have the power to counter those feelings. You don't have to believe the awful thoughts you might be telling yourself.
This also isn't making that much sense. I get but I don't get it. Ugh the frustration of not getting this right away.

I think that's a good indication that you're unfamiliar with going easy on yourself. See, when a person is self critical all their life they don't realize when they are doing it because they have nothing to compare it to. A lot of people have a bad habit of motivating themselves through things like shame or guilt and all it does is break them down and make it harder to actually work on the things they need to improve.

That second part. You'll understand with time, don't pressure yourself to understand it right away. Just know that a lot of negativity or stress is due to bad habits and how we treat ourselves and eventually you'll break them and replace them with positive ones.

The bold part makes a lot sense. I can't quite put my finger on the bad habits I have formed but it still make sense.Thanks

The second part. I hope your right. It's nice to know that I don't have to rush to figure it out.


Today, I was bummed out because I had to go run an errand. When I was driving home I started to feel better. When I was home I started the usual criticizing but then it hit me. I really do need to take it easy. I'm not going to rush, and push myself to do a lot. That ends up a being disaster. I am behind as far as being social goes. I just dropped the friends I had and haven't tried to make any new ones in awhile but it will all get taken care of.

A part of me is still trying to push to do more that what I can handle at the moment even after I have made this decision. I trying to relax and understand that this is going to take some getting used to.

For now what I think might help is staying at home most of the time BUT this time I won't be so critical about it. I think some solitude without criticizing everything I do could help.

I feel like most of the weight that I have been packing around for the last couple of months is starting to lift off my shoulders. So I'm guessing that I'm doing something right.:angel:

This isn't going to be easy. But all I can do is my best right?

[Why So Serious?]

Thank you guy's for the suggestions. Trying to put them to use.

Today on the way to work I was very calm. Didn't care that I was going to be late either.(It was only a couple of minutes) When I got there the negativity started. Then it hit me a couple of hours later, why am I being that critical over stuff that I can't control. Most of the people I work with are idiots. To be honest I wonder how the company is still standing. lol Anyway can't control them.
Not to say I'm being overly positive about the situation. It's just what is it is.

On the way to college anxiety kicked in. When I was down the street I happy to be there. Never thought I would say I was happy to be college but there it is.

On the way home I noticed that for once in a long time that I didn't criticize myself for here. It just baffles me that I was that critical. It's starting to feel a little better being here........... just a little.

Welp, I still have a long way to go. Let's see what else happens.

[DisneylandUSA]

Thank you guy's for the suggestions. Trying to put them to use.

Today on the way to work I was very calm. Didn't care that I was going to be late either.(It was only a couple of minutes) When I got there the negativity started. Then it hit me a couple of hours later, why am I being that critical over stuff that I can't control. Most of the people I work with are idiots. To be honest I wonder how the company is still standing. lol Anyway can't control them.
Not to say I'm being overly positive about the situation. It's just what is it is.

On the way to college anxiety kicked in. When I was down the street I happy to be there. Never thought I would say I was happy to be college but there it is.

On the way home I noticed that for once in a long time that I didn't criticize myself for here. It just baffles me that I was that critical. It's starting to feel a little better being here........... just a little.

Welp, I still have a long way to go. Let's see what else happens.

Perhaps, the Resistance. Irrability and anxiety may be an indication of Resistance to outgrowing the old self :angel:

[Why So Serious?]

^ Could be.

Anyway I decided to take another break. Anywhere from a day to a week then I'll decide if I want to continue or not.

It really pissed me off yeasterday that I couldn't grasp some of concepts in programming yesterday in class. Then today I get a crap load of homework dumped on me.:@ I was hoping E2 would kick in and allow me to use my full mental capacity but that doesn't seem to be happening. Hence the break.

For some odd reason my interest in video games is through the roof. I haven't really played any this week so I guess that's good thing. It's getting to the point where I want to be apart of the industry. Possibly make my own What's strange is that it was a dream I gave up on so don't know why that coming back up.

[maxx55]

Did you outgrow that old dream of wanting to work in the video game industry or did you just give up on it even though you'd still like to do it?

And don't get angry at yourself about not quickly grasping the new programming concepts. I know E2 slows down my mental speed of learning and processing dramatically. I felt stupid in my dance class for not being able to learn at the same speed as everyone else (and the fact everyone can see it). It's temporary.

I think it'd be cool if you made a video game

[Why So Serious?]

I thought I got grew it but it appears I gave up. I just disgused it in my mind as I out grew it.

Maybe it's temporary but right now I can't hold out for "maybe". It either needs to start working on that ASAP or I'm not going to continue. I feel like I'm getting a bad start when it comes to college already. It's just frustrating right now.

I guess I could make one. I'm not sure it would be cool though. Maybe that's why I had feeling to get a better laptop and not go the cheap route...........again.

I'm still having my ups and downs but I'm still pulling through. I listened to the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People on youtube and am currently trying Habit 1. I feel a little better since putting this habit to use. I don't complain as much and it's easier to stay positive. Except when I'm driving because people are assholes on the road. I need to work on that.
Also realized that the only co-worker I talk to is a bitch. I can see why her husband is acting the way he is toward her. You can only take so much. Also that victim mentality and just being petty makes for an interesting combination of craziness.
To make matters worse some of her habits rubbed off on me. When I caught on I beat myself up for a minute but the next day I put habit 1 into use. That's when the rose-colored glasses came off and I see it all.

Also got a new laptop....finally. I went through some inner battles with this decision. I'm not comfortable with spending that much money even if it is something that I need. The same experience popped up with buying the car. This time once I went to the store for the second time asked the sales person a few questions I was okay. Got over that feeling much faster than when I was buying the car.