Joining that EPRHA 2.0 Bandwagon

[Shannon]

Good progress.

[Why So Serious?]

HAven't been in the mood to post lately will most likely post less in the future.

I'm realizing that people that people do love me and I can feel it too. I haven't felt that in years.

Whenever there is progress the next day or two I'm reminded that something else needs to be worked on. It keeps me grounded in reality.

Other things are coming to together in life as well. I'm most likely getting a new car sooner than I think and going back to college. I also found out where a family member lives so I can go there whenever I need to get away. Things are kinda happening at a fast pace for me I wan't expecting all this happen in a couple of weeks. Kind of scary but it's time to get a move on with my life.

[4Kingdoms]

HAven't been in the mood to post lately will most likely post less in the future.

http://subliminal-talk.com/thread-7145-p...#pid105128

My desire to keep posting my progress has waned. I almost feel like, if you really want to know what I'm experiencing... then listen to EHPRA 2.0 for yourself. I sincerely mean that...

[Why So Serious?]

I remembered a past event that I had a lot of guilt and shame. Now it isn't there. The way I feel about it shit happens and I need to get a move on with my life. I feel bad about it still I just don't feel the guilt and shame.

I felt horny the other night and didn't feel guilty about it. I didn't know I felt guilty about stuff like that all these years but I did. *cough*Shannonwasright*cough*

I thought about my childhood at work and started thinking how my childhood doesn't really control the present. Yeah some bad stuff happened, but I can't let that control me. So now I don't feel like my childhood is holding me back. Don't know why I thought stuff like this was so important. I mean it is but it isn't. I'll stop here since I can't explain it.

[Why So Serious?]

The sub is starting to clear a path so I can start living my life. I still have some issus to deal with but I feel like I have some room to do the things I want. Oh and I don't have as much fear doing them.

Strange thing but I'm back at drawing again It feels different this time. Not that spur of the moment feeling when it comes to drawing. I feel more relaxed and just take it a day at a time. Now I tend to stay in front of the computer drawing. Even tried to play videogames to give myself a break. I only played for a few minutes and got back to drawing. I'm very concerned now............ I'm going to do some computer stuff after this post.

Being around others no problem as long as they don't get to close and/or try to have a conversation with me.

Very slowly opening up to family. I'm not sure they see a difference.

And I have come to the realization that I need to get out more. Being inside most of the time doesn't do me any good and it's starting to drive me insane. Never thought that would happen. The need to go out is starting to over run the need to stay in.

Trying a little harder to keep the room clean, exercising again(just every other day and not the weekends), and trying to help out a bit more around the house.

Doing the best I can to keep the attitude in check with family. It gets unbelievably hard. I can catch myself every now(I couldn't do that before) and then but most of the time.....well ya'll know what happens. This going to take a lot more time than I thought. Oh well.

I had a vision about me in the future being able to socialize without any kind of anxiety. That will be awesome.
I got a fortune about how something unexpected is going to happen in the future that will change my course in life. I really feel like that's going to happen but I can't take anymore surprises. The car got flooded and the other one that I'm borrowing is seriously acting up. I had a feeling it was going to flood a couple of weeks before it happened and something is wrong with the transmission. Well the car I'm borrowing has transmission problems now that I think about it. Now I really don't have a choice but find another car. Some other things like this are happening but I'd rather not get into it.

And that's it can't think of anything interesting.

[Why So Serious?]

Today was kind of interesting. I realized that my current job doesn't align with my goals. I know I didn't like but I thought I could stick to it a couple years.

I think I will have to learn some skills now rather than wait till I graduate college.

Of course I'm getting more of the harsh reality that it's time to make a change. The car I'm borrowing is really acting up now. Not sure what to do or how to get to work. I got bills so quiting now isn't an option. Sigh.........Feels like I'm being pulled in a completely different direction from where I thought I needed to go. Or thought I need to go. It feels like everything is falling apart right now. I'm not as stressed right now, but I'm pissed off because of the positive thoughts.

Sigh....I remembered that I had a feeling that I won't be at my job as long as think.

I'm just tired right now.

[Shannon]

"Damn these positive thoughts! I'm trying to be negative!" I can just see it now.

[Why So Serious?]

The last couple of days I have been happier. I thought I what I felt last time was happiness but this feels like the next level. I'm just scratching the surface with the emotional stuff so there is probably a another level to this happiness. If this keeps up I'm not going to know what to do with myself............I don't know what to do now. I'm used to having low levels of energy and feeling down.

What do happy folks do?

Anyhow I did run some errands on my own and I felt the anxiety creep back in. It seems that I keep looking for happiness when I buy things instead of connecting with people. Soooooo lesson learned connect with more folks. Like family and what not.

See ya'll later.....maybe

[Shannon]

Doing well, keep it up!

[Why So Serious?]

Hmmm..... lately I have been incredibly horny for some odd reason. This worries and annoys me. It's getting difficult to concentrate through out the day.

I also am starting to find women attractive..........again. I thought I got over this and was hoping it was a phase. It might still be a phase(fingers crossed). Then I think about this guy I haven't seen in years, looking at this soulmate/twinflame garbage. I don't know. I'm just frustrated right now. Just can't seem to shake the horniness.

[Shannon]

That's likely a part of you healing and beginning to accept yourself as you are, and the resulting expressions. Being horny is natural. Humans are designed to be sexual and reproduce.

[Why So Serious?]

I am still fighting myself on this art thing but my"crush" on art is starting to fade. I will not use it as it an escape from life anymore. Even worse make it my career. I would have really done some damage going that route. I get disgusted at myself just thinking about it now. Still will draw but for fun in the future. I need make sure I completely heal from that before get started drawing again. I know I ave talked about this quite a bit but now it's really starting to sink in.

Going through the process of getting ready for college. I'm really excited to be going back. Which is odd because I was never excited about it before.

I'm hoping to get a new car tomorrow.

Doing the beast I can with keeping touch with others. I'm just texting to see how everyone is doing but I guess it's a start. Sadly I wouldn't even do that before.....how sad. This is going to require a massive amount of work.

Exercising my willpower. I haven't used it in.........awhile. Need to use it more often.

This is all scaring me because it means I'll be independent sooner than I thought. I feel if I become more independent that I'll became less loving. Ironically I already am sooooooooo why do I feel this way still?

I'm back to reading books and less tv. Also got back into using Khan Academy, and I'm learning excel on the side now.

My eyes are bothering me. Oh almost forgot I'm keeping an offline journal now. Never thought that would happen.

[Why So Serious?]

I've been feeling alone lately and depressed but this time I'm not stupid enough to believe that I'm the only one who feels this way. It's something everyone goes through even though they don't want to admit it.

I kept thinking that I need to spend more time with people when I need to spend more quality time with folks. I can spend lots of time time with someone but it never felt like it was enough. I was wasn't fully enjoying their company or spending quality time with them. I don't know how to explain it. Sorry if it doesn't make sense.

Lately I have been bringing work problems home with me. Very usual of me but I think it's a reminder that i need to get out do something else for living. Which I'm working on.
I have been having a strange feeling about work anyway. Like I won't be there much longer. A better opportunity will present itself after I put in the work to learn a couple of new skills. Figures crossed for that.

Getting a little addicted to Khan Academy now and reading......and learning excel.

And I would like to say that I'm really grateful for the subs. This one in particular. I would have have wound up in a career that wasn't a match for me. Would have made my life much more miserable.
Which makes me even more depressed because I thought I knew what would make me happy. I'm really kicking myself in the ass for almost making my life worse.

Haven't been in the mood for sex lately. I feel really disgusted about it for some odd reason.

[Why So Serious?]

Welp it is my second month. (I think)

Yesterday something happened/changed and I feel a little relaxed.

I'm noticing that negativity doesn't... stick to me as much. Like if something happens at work it doesn't bother me as much. I don't think about over and over again in my mind for hours or days. It's just minutes to......more minutes doesn't even last an hour.