Jake's UMOP 1 & UMOP 2 - **CLOSED**

[findingme]

I see the same thing. Are you getting no results, or are you choosing to see no results? RT pointed out the obvious, as your words tell your truth.

[Jake2015]

update 4:

Time: 3.12am

So I ate, and spoke messaged my friend about the gym tomorrow. Its feeling more real, and this got me motivated to finish off the remainder of my unpacking which I now realise I was procrastinating on.

CHANGE

I have done it all and also ate first which I forgot to mention.

All I have to do tomorrow is wake up, shower, figure out what I want to wear at the gym and what I want to do and then go meet up with him, provided he is still going which he said he will be.

I realised also that as usual I am more motivated at night than in the day which has been the case since my last update.

CHANGE

Overall no change, no dreams or change in behaviour, no change in feelings, no change it seems in thoughts, no fears that I can notice being dealt with and overall my lack of motivation Vs my motivation seems to be consistent for now.

Are you kidding me!?

@RTBoss I can see why it seems the way it did to you but anyone following my journals will know, that:

1) I get motivated at night. Shannon has said this is due to fear and leads me to procrastinate in the day and thus then get into the zone to work at night as was the case.

2) The motivation this time came from speaking to my friend, who has been on my case for 2-3 years to get into the gym.

None of the above has been any different to my normal routine, behaviour or trends and thus I can say there has so far been no obvious change to me but I know its only early days but im providing all data that I can in the hope that it helps me and Shannon and others too.

[Jake2015]

I see the same thing. Are you getting no results, or are you choosing to see no results? RT pointed out the obvious, as your words tell your truth.

@findingme I can see and the case is that im seeing no results because my behaviour at the moment is no different to how it has been and has always was prior to this sub.

The difference will be when I am motivated in the day. Motivated to take action when nobody (such as a friend) is constantly pushing me to get into the gym. Motivated when a deadline isnt nearing - in this case as per my pervious updates, the deadline was committing verbally to my friend to go to the gym with him today thus motivating me to get moving on unpacking which I have procrastinated on for 3 or longer days since I came back to Europe.

My updates and my journals when seen as a whole will show that my behaviour hasnt changed as yet. I am optimistic that FRM will work for me and all it needs is time and also data for shannon as I am providing.

Sorry to you and to @RTBoss in perhaps giving some misconceptions which wasnt on purpose.

[Jake2015]

Wed 28 November

Today is Day 66 of UMOP in total & Day 9 of the New UMOP2 = 66:9

Day 4 of cycle 2 - meaning that tomorrow will be my 1 day of rest.
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Slept around 4am I think, maybe 4.30am or 5am.

Woke around 1.40pm today and realised I had committed to my friend of being in the gym at 4.30pm.

He had messaged me as I had asked for gym prices before sleeping so woke to his messages which compounded on my mind of the commitment I made to him.

Hes a good loyal friend, probably the first of his kind because hes made it clear to me that hes only pushing me for my health, for my sake. I am lucky to have a friend as this very much so!!!

I woke to snow. The city is in the minus/negative 1 (-1) degree C temperature now and snow is falling yet I knew this could not be an excuse.

I ate breakfast got ready and took a taxi to the gym. My friend got there 1min before me.

He took me around the gym to see and then left me to do my 20min cardio - very low pace walking, whilst he did whatever he wanted to.

He came to check up on me 3 times. The 3rd time he joined me to chat whilst I stretched. I didnt realise but he actually did fuck all there, he actually came all the way through the snow just to be with me at this gym.

I couldnt believe he went to all this trouble for me.

I saw myself in the mirrors whilst stretching and didnt like the way my face looks, im an ugly fucker is what I thought so @Shannon will need my self esteem worked on later bro! lol

anyway I got back home on the tram, he went to a gym near his home to train - wow what a friend!!

I got home, I had 1 litre of water to drink that I hardly touched at the gym so decided to drink this and chill, get the apartment warmed up and then shower.

Instead I drank all the water and now realised im starving so put a vegetarian lasagne in the oven - will take 40mins to cook so came online to type this update up.

During the time I was sat drinking water, I watched a tv show im glued to and did a boost on tinder. Not sure if you all have this in your own parts of the world but apparently it shows my profile at the top of all others.

A female matched with me, we got chatting on tinder to each other, shes a cabin crew girl or as I call them an air stewardess. Is that term still used? anyway she didnt have snapchat which is how we could have a phone call without swapping numbers and I dont use facebook which is what she offered. I do have facebook but though its not personal with private info, its just generic and i havent told her everything about me so dont want that info visible to her.

She said she needs to sleep its only 8.30pm here approx so shes an early owl. She said shes on tinder to find friends (whatever lol) and maybe a boyfriend. She never asked me but im a DMSI user so im not on tinder to find friends lmao.

anyway so im now here, ill eat and then go shower.

The gym was great! I felt no inferiority though I have been dreading going to the gym due to this insecurity to be honest.

I plan and hope to go to the gym every day now until Friday, and then have weekends off.

I havent decided what to do tomorrow at the gym but just doing a 20min walk on the treadmill tomorrow will be 200% more than I ever do!

I couldnt get a taxi back home yet walked through the slippery icy snow to the tram and off it to my home and this hasnt put me off going to the gym.

If I can traverse this harsh terrain which I have then I can go gym any time and not have any excuses now except time!

so thats all. As yet nothing new to report, except that my friend motivated and encouraged me to get off my ass, get to the gym and get moving. I appreciate this. I hope for the day when the subs do this for me.

thanks

[Jake2015]

update 1:

Since the last update I have wasted alot of time on binge watching a tv show I mentioned in previous updates.

I finally have had a shower and its almost 3am and time to sleep but im hungry and not tired.

[Shannon]

So Jake, I'm curious what you're going to do if you manage to resist UMOP2, after getting a refund.

[Jake2015]

So Jake, I'm curious what you're going to do if you manage to resist UMOP2, after getting a refund.

I have no idea, the goal isn't the refund but to execute.

If I recall from our previous conversations, we will see how I do over time with UMOP2, and you have said give it time. During this time or eventually you will tell me if you want me to continue with UMOP2 for 90days or to move to FRM v4 or whichever version is available then to see how we go.

Im happy however to give 90days on UMOP2 and postpone the refund till then or as you see fit.

I have no idea how to make my subconscious execute, it makes so far no sense to me why or how I can be resisting to execute.

Zane has suggested trying USLM2 (2 or 3 whichever the current version is) and no idea if you see that as being a good idea or to stay on UMOP2 for now or to move to DMSI whenever the better FRM comes out.

Im trying to provide all and every data that I can at the moment and in the meantime buddy.

[Jake2015]

Update 2:

So I was curious to see how long it has been since I havent fapped as I have little reason to stop fapping in all honesty.

I last fapped on 15th October - during UMOP v1.

I was sick with the cold on 18th October.

I also prior to UMOP2 got some of the scary dreams, such as when i was in a car that I couldnt stop in time and went through a cross-road of traffic to hit a wall at the end. The other dream was more recent of when I saw a man and a woman in my sisters bedroom, in the corner and I couldnt shout out or do anything to remove them - I was pretty much paralysed with fear.

This was all before UMOP2.

I havent fapped for 45days (6weeks) so far including today - thursday 29th November 2018.

I have no reason to stop fapping and really do wonder if this is due to UMOP, as it cannot be TID from DMSI surely. I also have been getting more hits from Tinder, more female conversations, a girl in the UK that seems to now think we are in a relationship or getting into 1 and potentially marriage if we continue to hit it off, as well as a girl that wanted to be my slave again in the UK and both girls via chatting on snapchat, but the latter slave girl isnt really invested and neither am I.

Tinder, since getting a 50% code for 1 month, I have used and paid to use their boost feature which makes me come up more often in other's tinder searches (in my case the others being females) and thus many hits and from that conversations.

I am getting all this without being on DMSI, albeit Tinder was a paid promotional feature but its working to get me noticed I suppose.

So even though all this is in previous posts, im summarising here now due to simply wanting to see how long its been since I fapped.

[Jake2015]

Thurs 29 November

Today is Day 67 of UMOP in total & Day 10 of the New UMOP2 = 67:10

End of Cycle 2 - day of rest.
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So, I missed 2 days in cycle 2 unfortunately due to my travelling but got back on track soon enough.

I am on my day break, and couldnt go to the gym because:

1) its -2 degrees outside and has fallen to -3 when I last checked

2) I woke or rather got woken up by a phone call late - at 1pm and couldnt sleep until 5am.

I have to stop drinking carbonated caffeine drinks, coca cola zero (I am not affliated with them) and even their high sugar coca cola (that I dont drink) must keep me awake as does the cups of tea I drink out of habit, warmth, comfort and now this cold weather lol.

Since waking up, I have been sat, watching the tv show whilst eating a big breakfast and im still hungry as well as connecting with another female and thus chatting to her.

We may do a video chat around an hours time if shes to be believed.

Beyond that nothing, the anxiety for studying is building up again as I have a test next week but im avoiding it and only thinking of sleeping even though im not actually tired.

No idea how FRM works but hope it digs deeps eventually and combats whatever is going on beyond my conscious knowledge in my SubC.

Thanks and yes not fapped still.

[Jake2015]

Update 1 - Epiphany

I have done nothing today at all. I have been unmotivated to do anything productive except eat and watch my tv show.

I wont give the name of this show that im binge watching as im not here to advertise it and it may go against forum rules, however its a show about geniuses.

The Ephiphany I had is to do with the episode I was watching that i have no paused to jump on here and write this so hope this data is relevant.

In this show the geniuses have very high IQs.

1 particular character though fat and heavy seems to always be doing something, running some experiment or trying out some new theory.

In todays episodes he tried something (im being vague to not advertise the show but bare with me please) and towards of the end of the show he realised that it didnt work the way he intended so he decided to take this new hobby or scheme and do it on the roof of the building.

Immediately it dawned on me. HE IS SUPER MOTIVATED.

He is moving from 1 endeavour to another. Sure he's fat, hes heavy, but hes driven, he has this drive that doesnt seem to be relentless.

I realised this and immediately also realised or that it dawned on me or I dont know my SUBC just came up with this, that to be this motivated means that he was never ever told NO when it came to doing whatever he was motivated to do.

I immediately went to my childhood, memories of my mother stopping me from taking risks, from doing things my older siblings were allowed to do. It was to keep me safe but instead it made me both angry, resentful, feel less loved and also more afraid of whatever it was I wanted to do.

An example would be an older sibling say at age 11 being able to go out alone to the shops but I wasnt allowed until maybe 15 (im guessing) by which time I felt anxious whenever I went out, I would break out in sweat or be highly alert of potential dangers.

I get that she was keeping me safe but my fucked up SUBC clearly resented this.

Either way I had to jump on and give you this data @Shannon

I could be way off on all of this as im not qualified on all this subC like Shannon and the rest of you people here may be but I feel all this lead to me wanting to rebel whenever I was told to do something and perhaps it built up inside of me over time, a long time but time to become laziness and procrastination.

Perhaps over time in life, other experiences where I tried and failed caused me to get angry and feel trying is worthless, and maybe just maybe it connected to my past where this experience played a role.

I just know that to be motivated as the fat genius in the show, means he wasnt stopped or prevented to doing what he was motivated to do, or if he was his subC didnt react negatively, so he did whatever he wanted and as an adult remains driven to jump from 1 task to another.

Am i right or wrong? CAN the wall, H&C or FRM deal with this?


I am super excited and super afraid now.

Super excited that what if ive hit on something that can help me &/or @Shannon but super afraid that what if its useless and im destined to never execute :/ I want the subs to work for me Dammit!
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On other news, I have also today felt lack of focus. I can only focus on any mental task such as emails or reading anything for a short time. Not sure why. Could be 101 reasons such as poor diet, lack of sleep etc etc

[findingme]

Those core fears are IMPORTANT Jake. Good job on sharing it!

The FRM is finding my own core fears--the very ones that have blocked me too. You're really not alone.

[Shannon]

That is indeed progress, Jake. The FRM at work. Congratulations.

[Jake2015]

That is indeed progress, Jake. The FRM at work. Congratulations.

FANTASTIC!!!!

@Shannon so what do I do now, just continue along bro?

If at any time you feel there is anything needed such as a change in listening or a change in sub due to FRM or anything just say the word please.

[Jake2015]

Fri 30 November

Today is Day 68 of UMOP in total & Day 11 of the New UMOP2 = 68:11

Day 1 of Cycle 3
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As per my post above, @Shannon has confirmed FRM is working )))))) HAPPY DAYS!!!!!

I dont know how long now it will take but its a start and I cant wait for it to dig deeper.


So today has been uneventful it seems.

Woke late because slept late. Slept at 5am woke at 2pm.

Rushed out at 4.30pm due to bills needing to be paid which I only realised due to my phone being cut off - it shouldnt have been but that is the system here.

From 2-4pm I was in bed watching youtube vines and just getting warm.

I came home from the -4 to -6 Degrees C outside after paying phone and utilities bills and decided to order a hot pakistani curry from a restaurant that delivers.

He will be delivering that late so until then ill have something warm to eat.

Thoughts. I keep thinking I can do the task I need to, such as study or anything else but unless its an emergency (as today with the bills) or a deadline I am not moving into action yet.

I think this shows me that this is me using willpower. I use willpower which is a temporary boost of motivation to get a task done, but I dont have subconscious motivation to stay on a task from start to finish early on.

Anyway not sure what else to share but just hoping I can work with FRM and get deeper into my mind.