**Jake's Overcoming Fear v.3 5.75.7G Journal**

[Jake2015]

Day 55/180 OFF #2- Mon 12 July - part2

5) Went to bed on time but didnt want to sleep. Resisted going to bed. I can tell it was resistance because until now I have been strict on making sure when I get to bed I DO NOT play on my phone but last night I was on youtube (even though I had blue light filter on which is a saving grace at least). Eventually after 15mins approx I snapped out of it and put it down and closed my eyes with the intention of sleeping.

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Day 56/180 ON #1- Tues 13 July

RESISTANCE? - read on to see.

1) I hit play on the sub (4 loops) and closed my eyes. I didnt fall asleep immediately but nothing new and then slept. I woke up a few times during the night which is fine and normal as I fell back to sleep again soon as too.

2) I dont recall having any dreams or any major disturbances this time around.

3) HOWEVER waking up was a real challenge. Even though my alarm started going off at 7am and between 7am - 9am (these are all my fail safes. I find having the alarm go off 1 hour before I need to wake -8am being the goal this week- helps wake me up) and I was awake to turn them off it was a real struggle to wake up and get up!!

I didnt want to get up today, I wasnt looking forward to the day at all. I felt as if my will power had gone and that I would have to push through my comfort zone today of going some place new to find a quality butcher and even though I have been out of my apartment and used a taxis and been to the butchers here in europe today it seemed not scary but daunting.

4) I managed to push myself into action and get out of bed at 8.30am. 30mins later than I had wanted but waking up at 8am is a goal I have until Saturday of this week so enough time to keep persisting. Next week the goal shifts to 7am and the alarms will go back an hour in kind.

5) So after this struggle, which all showed me signs of resistance, I then went to the bathroom. I havent really focused on this until this morning but ive had diarrhoea for the past week and thought maybe it was something normal but now im wondering if it is indeed resistance.

6) After a quick wash I was able to get back onto my time blocked schedule and ive managed to find a quick 5mins so came on here to type this up.

7) Since eating a sugar filled cereal and drinking a cup of tea, i dont feel the daunting feelings and know either way I will be heading outside to get on with the tasks I need to do out there.

8) I think the daunting feeling also came from the AMOUNT of struggle ahead of me. Im going to a butchers and will be bringing back lots of chicken meat, which then has to be washed and bagged away in portions so that im ready to meal prep later this week and get onto my diet which is a predominantly higher protein and fat to lower carb diet. All this prepping takes times and I know that even by doing 2hours of prep a day including chopping veg etc it still ends up eating into my time due to the lack of space I have and the small kitchen etc. Its all effort here in europe and seriously I take for granted how lucky some of us are to live where we do at times.

well anyway thats all for now.