**Jake's Overcoming Fear v.3 5.75.7G Journal**

[Jake2015]

Day 53/180 ON #2- Sat 10 July - *(second day using 4 loops)* - part 2

6) Spoke to a friend yesterday who is now working in my industry after graduating and he used tough love and scared me into realising just how little to nothing I really knew! Even though he scared me I was able to not be as anxious as I may have usually become and I didnt feel the level of paralysis I normally probably would have.

It would be a lie to say that throughout the day I didnt think about what he said and that this didnt cause me anxiety however it wasnt at all at the level normally exhibited by me in the past and instead I used it to take action and get into action rather than get stopped in paralysis by analysis.

So I took to action to figure out if I had resources already that could help me and I think I do but with so many it gets overwhelming no doubt to know where to start and which one to begin using.

7) anyway rest of the day was productive with me ending the day with a little lost as to what to do lol

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Day 54/180 OFF #1- Sun 11 July

1) Terrible sleep!

Went to bed an hour earlier. The goal is to bring my current sleep cycle back to a sensible one. So ive managed to get it to midnight bedtime to 9am waking up (9-9.30am is more exact).

So now I aimed for 11pm to 8am. I got to bed at 10.50pm and I couldnt sleep until maybe 11.15pm. All night I kept waking. This is a day off, no sub playing and yet I kept waking. Yes I dreamed and I think I remembered my dream but now I cant remember it.

I woke at 6am and slept and then my alarms went off at 7am onwards. I kept snoozing them and trying struggling and really making a hard effort to wake up. I didnt get out of bed until 9.35am. Much later than what I wanted and hoped for. I even whilst having my wash just felt unproductive.

I managed to however have a quick cereal breakfast by 10am which was the start of my first task as part of my time blocking.

2) I started the said task but I wasnt at all as focused or sticking to my 10mins pomodoro style timing as I had hoped. I just feel unproductive today.

Time is now 12.19pm and my lunch time is 1pm, but I just needed a break so thought id come on here and update my journal.

Today is not going as well as I had planned.

3) Yes I did manage to get myself into some focus during the 10-current time of 12.19pm but not as much as the past few days nor as much as I had expected.

4) However Ive managed to rationalise all this by saying well my goal of waking at 8am is from today Sunday 11th July all the way until Saturday 17th July. The goal is to reach it during this time not to expect to reach it immediately.

Same with this productivity side of things, as long as I keep trying I will get there as a daily habit eventually.

5) Feelings of not wanting to do things are what have crept into my mind and all this must be due to unhealthy unproductive sleep so this is why sleep is vitally important!!!

addendum:
So whilst replying to @Shannon on his discussion journal, the dream I had which was a sort of nightmare came to my mind.

So in the past ive had a similar dream where I would be sleeping on my side and then I feel paralysed and cannot muster the strength to even shout. Its as if my mouth is shut and I want to scream out and say something but I just cant.

Last night the weird thing is, is that I this happened but now I mustered the strength and was able to shout out. I also felt a presence as if someone was behind me spooning me and trying to whisper in my ear but as I shouted out or spoke out they vanished. Now this was all a dream yet almost immediately I was awake and it felt as if it had all happened for real, and when I say almost immediately I mean even shorter than a split of a split second.

No idea what this means so wonder if @Shannon knows.