Day 35 OFF - Tue 22 June - OFF#2
I will stick to the current count of days as usual until I recount and figure out where my counting went wrong. Official day is probably 35days on the sub I think.
Anyway...
1) Wasnt tired. Slept I dunno maybe 1.30am and alarm at 6am woke me for my exam.
2) Did my exam.
3) On the way to the exam a student from my group (a dick) rolled up in his car some expensive Audi model but I didnt even notice it. I dont notice what I see as everyday brands lol and I didnt realise until he asked me for confirmation of exam location that his intentions may have been to brag about the car. My friend who was with me is the one who suspected this intention.
4) On the way to the exam, I was a little insecure of how I looked not much.
5) waiting outside the exam hall I dont think I was feeling insecure amongst all the other students.
6) I wore a tight fitting - what looked to be small in size - N95 mask and some students behind me sniggered and made a comment. I heard so I turned around and with my hands said (come on guys - like im right here) and then 1 of them said "we were saying how your suffocating behind your mask" giggling and I said yeah well yours masks are shit, I have an N95 which is whats needed in this pandemic. That comeback just came out. He then said "yeah we know and were struggling to breathe too but so are you". It seemed as if he became a little submissive to my comeback.
7) In the exam I felt maybe 5-10% nerves this time but I didnt feel the fear as much as before.
8) Exam done, I came out and saw everyone was stood in their respective cleeky groups and i as an outside could not really join any but then saw 1 student alone so went to him to make BS chit chat about the exam as I felt it would be weird and embarrasing to just walk away and then approached a not so threathening cleeky group to give my expert advice on the exam I just sat as they were going to sit the exam straight after. Due to distancing 1 exam is now done twice in the day.
9) My friend came out and then we went off. We went to a department that we would have lessons for next to see if we could basically miss those lessons and we couldnt find the head of the department. What we found was another teacher and boy was she HOT to me and my eyes. But I could do nothing about it except remain friendly and cordially cos in my head were the following fears...
"im too fat why would she even consider me"
"im only at this uni another 6months and so whats the point since ill then return back to the UK and she wont come all the way there and I wont be lingering around here"
"I have no time for her or a relationship, I need to focus on my goals these remaining 6months and goals I have a lot of, 1 of which is playing this sub without any excuse lol
So I took the chance to just shake her hand and let it go there, found the professor we needed after she directed us where to find him and that was that.
10) After that everything was usual for me so nothing new and I got home and was motivated and energetic to try and get some daily tasks and goals done. The time of the exam was 8am, I woke at 6am, I got home at 12pm and showered etc and was ready by 1pm in my apartment..... but....
11) ....instead of eating something (first meal of the day) I instead had something on my mind regarding my phone and how it could help track my fitness as losing weight and getting fitter is 1 of my goals this year so I couldnt figure it out. I could have prioritised by making eating food number 1 and then moving on to this later but the desire to focus on this and not to get up and make food took over so after not finding the answers I gave the manufacturers support line in the UK a call. ....
12) i spoke to a guy the line got cut after a minute so I called back and this time a female picked up. She was cool, professional but she seemed nice and to cut a long story short I gave her the option to stay in touch if she wished. She had my number as part of needing to create an account/report/log of this call and this told her she could use my number and whatsapp me or contact me anonymously on the numerous apps that allow text and telephony. I didnt know if she would take the offer or not. Suffice to say I realised from this that my online game, my PHONE game isnt an issue. Clearly my image, my inability to work on my image and thus my face to face game is now shit. Whereas growing up my looks go me something now nothing gets me anything except the friend zone.
13) within a minute or 2 she messaged me and we exchanged some banter back and forth even though she was at work. Shes gone quiet for a while which is fine as I prefer talking on the phone than texting so if she gets back to me and wants a phone call then ill go for it.
14) At the same time as she texted me anonymously I began making some treat food since I thought why not.
15) after eating the food i am exhausted!!! my feet and legs are tired from walking and standing around today and I think from eating late as well as only getting 4-5hrs sleep as led to me feeling thoroughly lazy, and tired and just exhausted. I wanted to get on with doing some tasks today but today has become a washout or whatever the term is to mean its erm done with, lost, gone, etc - if anyone knows the word do share for no prize but for sheer indulgence lol
16) I am now tired, its 9.15pm here and I cant be bothered doing anything even though Ive done the odd washing of dishes here and there.
17) So tomorrow will be my day ON again of 2 loops. I have a feeling of increasing the loops but I dont want to yet as I want to test this 2 loop out. Is it really affecting my sleep or not? Is it doing anything or is it not?
Shannon said to maybe listen in the day. That is possible but knowing myself I would be concerned if I suddenly move away from my phone during the 2hours of whether I just walked away too far for the US to actually reach my ears or not. I dont at home wear anything but convenience night clothes and live like a hobbo/sloth and these attires lack pockets so having a phone ON me wont be likely and holding the phone in my hand if I walk around my apartment is usual but again I would stress whether the phone was too far from my ears. When I usually play the sub, the phone is close to my pillow in some manner and I just hit play and sleep.
So ill continue listening at night for now and continue to create more posts of data to see if there is any significance to my sleep being disturbed or not. I also have suspected last night that perhaps my room has started to get too warm due to the summer here and thus this caused my inability to sleep. Its something for me to consider so ill possibly bring out my cooling fan tonight and set that up so that I can see if temperature or the sub is the culprit.
I will stick to the current count of days as usual until I recount and figure out where my counting went wrong. Official day is probably 35days on the sub I think.
Anyway...
1) Wasnt tired. Slept I dunno maybe 1.30am and alarm at 6am woke me for my exam.
2) Did my exam.
3) On the way to the exam a student from my group (a dick) rolled up in his car some expensive Audi model but I didnt even notice it. I dont notice what I see as everyday brands lol and I didnt realise until he asked me for confirmation of exam location that his intentions may have been to brag about the car. My friend who was with me is the one who suspected this intention.
4) On the way to the exam, I was a little insecure of how I looked not much.
5) waiting outside the exam hall I dont think I was feeling insecure amongst all the other students.
6) I wore a tight fitting - what looked to be small in size - N95 mask and some students behind me sniggered and made a comment. I heard so I turned around and with my hands said (come on guys - like im right here) and then 1 of them said "we were saying how your suffocating behind your mask" giggling and I said yeah well yours masks are shit, I have an N95 which is whats needed in this pandemic. That comeback just came out. He then said "yeah we know and were struggling to breathe too but so are you". It seemed as if he became a little submissive to my comeback.
7) In the exam I felt maybe 5-10% nerves this time but I didnt feel the fear as much as before.
8) Exam done, I came out and saw everyone was stood in their respective cleeky groups and i as an outside could not really join any but then saw 1 student alone so went to him to make BS chit chat about the exam as I felt it would be weird and embarrasing to just walk away and then approached a not so threathening cleeky group to give my expert advice on the exam I just sat as they were going to sit the exam straight after. Due to distancing 1 exam is now done twice in the day.
9) My friend came out and then we went off. We went to a department that we would have lessons for next to see if we could basically miss those lessons and we couldnt find the head of the department. What we found was another teacher and boy was she HOT to me and my eyes. But I could do nothing about it except remain friendly and cordially cos in my head were the following fears...
"im too fat why would she even consider me"
"im only at this uni another 6months and so whats the point since ill then return back to the UK and she wont come all the way there and I wont be lingering around here"
"I have no time for her or a relationship, I need to focus on my goals these remaining 6months and goals I have a lot of, 1 of which is playing this sub without any excuse lol
So I took the chance to just shake her hand and let it go there, found the professor we needed after she directed us where to find him and that was that.
10) After that everything was usual for me so nothing new and I got home and was motivated and energetic to try and get some daily tasks and goals done. The time of the exam was 8am, I woke at 6am, I got home at 12pm and showered etc and was ready by 1pm in my apartment..... but....
11) ....instead of eating something (first meal of the day) I instead had something on my mind regarding my phone and how it could help track my fitness as losing weight and getting fitter is 1 of my goals this year so I couldnt figure it out. I could have prioritised by making eating food number 1 and then moving on to this later but the desire to focus on this and not to get up and make food took over so after not finding the answers I gave the manufacturers support line in the UK a call. ....
12) i spoke to a guy the line got cut after a minute so I called back and this time a female picked up. She was cool, professional but she seemed nice and to cut a long story short I gave her the option to stay in touch if she wished. She had my number as part of needing to create an account/report/log of this call and this told her she could use my number and whatsapp me or contact me anonymously on the numerous apps that allow text and telephony. I didnt know if she would take the offer or not. Suffice to say I realised from this that my online game, my PHONE game isnt an issue. Clearly my image, my inability to work on my image and thus my face to face game is now shit. Whereas growing up my looks go me something now nothing gets me anything except the friend zone.
13) within a minute or 2 she messaged me and we exchanged some banter back and forth even though she was at work. Shes gone quiet for a while which is fine as I prefer talking on the phone than texting so if she gets back to me and wants a phone call then ill go for it.
14) At the same time as she texted me anonymously I began making some treat food since I thought why not.
15) after eating the food i am exhausted!!! my feet and legs are tired from walking and standing around today and I think from eating late as well as only getting 4-5hrs sleep as led to me feeling thoroughly lazy, and tired and just exhausted. I wanted to get on with doing some tasks today but today has become a washout or whatever the term is to mean its erm done with, lost, gone, etc - if anyone knows the word do share for no prize but for sheer indulgence lol
16) I am now tired, its 9.15pm here and I cant be bothered doing anything even though Ive done the odd washing of dishes here and there.
17) So tomorrow will be my day ON again of 2 loops. I have a feeling of increasing the loops but I dont want to yet as I want to test this 2 loop out. Is it really affecting my sleep or not? Is it doing anything or is it not?
Shannon said to maybe listen in the day. That is possible but knowing myself I would be concerned if I suddenly move away from my phone during the 2hours of whether I just walked away too far for the US to actually reach my ears or not. I dont at home wear anything but convenience night clothes and live like a hobbo/sloth and these attires lack pockets so having a phone ON me wont be likely and holding the phone in my hand if I walk around my apartment is usual but again I would stress whether the phone was too far from my ears. When I usually play the sub, the phone is close to my pillow in some manner and I just hit play and sleep.
So ill continue listening at night for now and continue to create more posts of data to see if there is any significance to my sleep being disturbed or not. I also have suspected last night that perhaps my room has started to get too warm due to the summer here and thus this caused my inability to sleep. Its something for me to consider so ill possibly bring out my cooling fan tonight and set that up so that I can see if temperature or the sub is the culprit.
OF3 5.75.7G 13/15Vol
1L-2O/3OF; (1L-2/2 5/6); (2L 19/6); (3L 27/6); (4L 9/7); (H4L 25/7)
W 19 May
MLS 5.5G: ≈70days x2, IYGSH: 54, E2: 78+48, DMSI 3.2: 56 & 22, UMOP1: 57+UMOP2: 33 = 90+10 US v12/15=100, OF: 45, OF2: 56days
1L-2O/3OF; (1L-2/2 5/6); (2L 19/6); (3L 27/6); (4L 9/7); (H4L 25/7)
W 19 May
MLS 5.5G: ≈70days x2, IYGSH: 54, E2: 78+48, DMSI 3.2: 56 & 22, UMOP1: 57+UMOP2: 33 = 90+10 US v12/15=100, OF: 45, OF2: 56days
