10/180
Day 10 OFF - Fri 28 May - OFF #3
Today was my 3rd and final day off before I start listening again and just having a day off was refreshing and relaxed. In the past for me it got stressful trying to fit in listening especially when I had to get in more than 8hours worth of loops and this was on a irregular schedule. I could argue that perhaps it even felt at times stressful too. This 1hour 2 days on is more chilled and relaxed and I know that even if I cant or dont want to listen I can just hit play on my phone and have it near me for the 1 hour.
Whereas I think 2 days ago I had the desire to listen 1 loop but daily and wondered if that was correct and then I think yesterday I decided that no 3 days off is better for me, well today I had no feeling of anything in that regards. No thought whether more or less is better simply that what is is cool.
Today was a crazy day which may or may not affect the experiences of today. So I due to university online webinars as those of you following me know, has messed up my sleep and lastnight I fell asleep around 9am. I woke at 3am and had to rush for a doctors appointment so ate nothing all day long.
My bro took me in his car as he had some errends to run so after the docs we went for a bit of a ride around some parts of my city that ive personally never been to. It was hot I was dehydrated as ate and drank nothing and needed food and water. We got to a point where my bro I think was annoying me with his constant need to talk and make chit chat and it made me lose my cool spontaneously and briefly.
Another noted moment was when he suddenly accelerated. Im not a scardy cat as we brits would say however sometimes that approach towards a red stop when a car is infront could cause anxiety. In myself the feeling of anxiety was 0.1-1seconds at best. It was so subtle and spontaneous and yet left and I wondered ok did I just see the sub work or is this how I reacted and calmed myself due to logically knowing that my bro was in control of the car as my conscious mind thought this too. Im unsure but it was something that made me think for sure.
Another moment is I got home and my sis was helping me but I got agitated thinking shes being dumb and not adhering to my instructions. I realised she was. So I apologised even though I only lost my cool for a brief moment.
Another moment was where my bro before we left for the docs got under my skin and tried to. I think it did and I tried not to show it.
Another moment today I recall is where I got under my brothers skin and then just gave up annoying him for fun. I dont think I felt any angst or tension within.
I cant remember everything but these things all stuck in my mind now at 3.33am as I type this. So overall the feelings I felt that I know are negative im sharing.
Other than this I was losing it closer to meal time which for me became 9.30-10pm and then soon as I can ate my mood and atitude improved immediately.
I woke yes exhausted but as is expected with my sleep schedule.
Around 1am I was getting tired and more exhausted as the night went on. I was so tired I wasnt going to come on and type this but well im more awake now and so I am. Thats really all I can think of sharing at the moment.
I do wonder if im feeling more calmer and less anxious but then Ive shared the above and wonder am i or is it simple what im trying to feel due to all the journals ive read.
anyway so that is that for now and ill start my next journal straight away....
addendum:
Lol I forgot to mention a sudden and slight soreness in my back. ive mentioned it before and did not think it was related to the sub and now again I had it for around 1min on and off. Is it relevent I dont know it is the sub no idea but data it shall become.
Addendum2:
So another thought just hit me. So I got an email from uni today telling us what will happen with our online classes next week. I saw the email pop up and instead of anxiety I just went ahead and opened it on my phone and realised its better to open on my laptop later in the day to checkout the various word docs attached. So before going to docs I think it was (maybe it was when I got home who cares right) point is I opened it and saw that they set up some "homework" of a list of questions they want us to answer and submit in around 10 days time. I didnt fear it but felt ok this is simply and easy and I can easily do this.
I just thought of this now because I wondered since im sat reading everyones journals, and getting through my 1 loop for tomorrow (see the next post as its now 4.04am and im listening as I type as explained in the next post) that I may as well start on that homework lol.
Ok so just checked and my 1 loop has finished so no ill go to bed now and listen to some youtube stuff and fall asleep. Home work can wait but hey worth a mention.
Day 10 OFF - Fri 28 May - OFF #3
Today was my 3rd and final day off before I start listening again and just having a day off was refreshing and relaxed. In the past for me it got stressful trying to fit in listening especially when I had to get in more than 8hours worth of loops and this was on a irregular schedule. I could argue that perhaps it even felt at times stressful too. This 1hour 2 days on is more chilled and relaxed and I know that even if I cant or dont want to listen I can just hit play on my phone and have it near me for the 1 hour.
Whereas I think 2 days ago I had the desire to listen 1 loop but daily and wondered if that was correct and then I think yesterday I decided that no 3 days off is better for me, well today I had no feeling of anything in that regards. No thought whether more or less is better simply that what is is cool.
Today was a crazy day which may or may not affect the experiences of today. So I due to university online webinars as those of you following me know, has messed up my sleep and lastnight I fell asleep around 9am. I woke at 3am and had to rush for a doctors appointment so ate nothing all day long.
My bro took me in his car as he had some errends to run so after the docs we went for a bit of a ride around some parts of my city that ive personally never been to. It was hot I was dehydrated as ate and drank nothing and needed food and water. We got to a point where my bro I think was annoying me with his constant need to talk and make chit chat and it made me lose my cool spontaneously and briefly.
Another noted moment was when he suddenly accelerated. Im not a scardy cat as we brits would say however sometimes that approach towards a red stop when a car is infront could cause anxiety. In myself the feeling of anxiety was 0.1-1seconds at best. It was so subtle and spontaneous and yet left and I wondered ok did I just see the sub work or is this how I reacted and calmed myself due to logically knowing that my bro was in control of the car as my conscious mind thought this too. Im unsure but it was something that made me think for sure.
Another moment is I got home and my sis was helping me but I got agitated thinking shes being dumb and not adhering to my instructions. I realised she was. So I apologised even though I only lost my cool for a brief moment.
Another moment was where my bro before we left for the docs got under my skin and tried to. I think it did and I tried not to show it.
Another moment today I recall is where I got under my brothers skin and then just gave up annoying him for fun. I dont think I felt any angst or tension within.
I cant remember everything but these things all stuck in my mind now at 3.33am as I type this. So overall the feelings I felt that I know are negative im sharing.
Other than this I was losing it closer to meal time which for me became 9.30-10pm and then soon as I can ate my mood and atitude improved immediately.
I woke yes exhausted but as is expected with my sleep schedule.
Around 1am I was getting tired and more exhausted as the night went on. I was so tired I wasnt going to come on and type this but well im more awake now and so I am. Thats really all I can think of sharing at the moment.
I do wonder if im feeling more calmer and less anxious but then Ive shared the above and wonder am i or is it simple what im trying to feel due to all the journals ive read.
anyway so that is that for now and ill start my next journal straight away....
addendum:
Lol I forgot to mention a sudden and slight soreness in my back. ive mentioned it before and did not think it was related to the sub and now again I had it for around 1min on and off. Is it relevent I dont know it is the sub no idea but data it shall become.
Addendum2:
So another thought just hit me. So I got an email from uni today telling us what will happen with our online classes next week. I saw the email pop up and instead of anxiety I just went ahead and opened it on my phone and realised its better to open on my laptop later in the day to checkout the various word docs attached. So before going to docs I think it was (maybe it was when I got home who cares right) point is I opened it and saw that they set up some "homework" of a list of questions they want us to answer and submit in around 10 days time. I didnt fear it but felt ok this is simply and easy and I can easily do this.
I just thought of this now because I wondered since im sat reading everyones journals, and getting through my 1 loop for tomorrow (see the next post as its now 4.04am and im listening as I type as explained in the next post) that I may as well start on that homework lol.
Ok so just checked and my 1 loop has finished so no ill go to bed now and listen to some youtube stuff and fall asleep. Home work can wait but hey worth a mention.
OF3 5.75.7G 13/15Vol
1L-2O/3OF; (1L-2/2 5/6); (2L 19/6); (3L 27/6); (4L 9/7); (H4L 25/7)
W 19 May
MLS 5.5G: ≈70days x2, IYGSH: 54, E2: 78+48, DMSI 3.2: 56 & 22, UMOP1: 57+UMOP2: 33 = 90+10 US v12/15=100, OF: 45, OF2: 56days
1L-2O/3OF; (1L-2/2 5/6); (2L 19/6); (3L 27/6); (4L 9/7); (H4L 25/7)
W 19 May
MLS 5.5G: ≈70days x2, IYGSH: 54, E2: 78+48, DMSI 3.2: 56 & 22, UMOP1: 57+UMOP2: 33 = 90+10 US v12/15=100, OF: 45, OF2: 56days
